The Art Of Living Authentically: 40 Simple Habits That Make Life Just Feel More Honest
The tried-and-true ways to live as your best self.
Pedram Sedghi | Unsplash Discovering how to be your true self — your authentic self — is a journey that everyone must take in order to find happiness in life. Research shows there's strong scientific backing for this pursuit, with a comprehensive analysis of 75 studies involving over 36,000 people revealing a significant positive relationship between authenticity and well-being.
Authenticity can be more complicated than it should be, however, so how can you be true to yourself and find your purpose? After all, if we could all just live our truth without struggling, no one would ever be unhappy, would they?
Learning to love yourself and be true to your hopes and dreams is something many people struggle with, but truly authentic living is a process that, thankfully, everyone can undertake. The path to authentic living starts with a choice. And if you’re ready to make that choice and embrace your truth, then luckily for you, we’ve gathered advice from 86 experts in love and relationships to guide you on your way.
Here are 40 simple habits that just make life feel more honest:
1. Determine what being true to you means
"To live a life that is aligned with your true self, one has the duty to put in the effort to recognize what being true to yourself means. We do not find the true self in others; for most people, this is the fear that hinders the process of self-actualization."
—Hayley Rayner, licensed professional coach
2. Do what you say you're going to do
"Congruency and consistency are key. Do your best every day to be 100 percent certain your words align with your actions. When we don't do what we say we're going to do — for ourselves and others — we derail our credibility with both, resulting in lost confidence and missed connections."
—Erika Isler, life, career, and family coach
3. Know that your true self is already inside of you
Pavlova Yuliia / Shutterstock
"Alignment to your true self is already in place. Your interface with your consciousness of this truth is the active part you play in embodying your truth. Your path is unique to you; there are no books with shortcuts. Many great tools and guides can help you get started or unstuck along the way. Sit still and ask yourself where to begin and trust the answer."
—Alexsys Thompson, executive and leadership coach
4. Keep focused on your true needs
"Often we are not in touch with our 'true self' because we spend a lot of our time focusing on others; what they think of us, how they perceive us, whether they like us or not.
The best advice I was given was to 'Stay in my own business.' What does this mean in the day-to-day world? It means living in a space of speaking my truth no matter what I think others with think, say, or do. It means less stress and tension in my life, and it finally had me connect with what I really wanted every moment of the day."
—Karen Cherrett, relationship and life coach
5. Reclaim the trauma that's keeping you from being authentic
"To live a more authentic life, a strategy that is often overlooked is to reclaim something about yourself that you gave up to survive your childhood or a life event. This brilliant strategy is often still being played out in your life and holding you back. Thank that part of you, and implement new ways of showing up that are more in alignment with your true self. Growth is at the edge of your comfort zone!"
—Susie Kamen, psychotherapist
6. Don't forget to love yourself
"Falling in love with yourself is a prerequisite to living an authentic and happy life. To get started, write down a list of your core values and goals. Reading it daily will help you with your goal of staying on track and avoiding the chaos and clutter."
—Julie Spira, author, advice columnist, and relationship coach
7. Connect with yourself through 'me time'
"Set aside some quiet time, just for you, every week. Focus on your dreams and goals, with gratitude for what you have and clarity about what you want. When faced with a choice, always base your decision on what you truly want.
—Dr. Erica Goodstone, psychotherapist, marriage counselor, and life therapist
8. Pay attention to what your body and heart are already telling you
"People often know when they are doing something that doesn't quite align with who they are as a person. There is some form of physical constriction or sensation that was not there before. When you begin to pay closer attention to your body and recognize that you are following your heart rather than your mind (the external voices), you will likely know when you are acting authentically. Basically, if it doesn't feel good, listen to yourself and don't do it."
—Dr. Adam Benson, clinical psychologist
9. Come home to yourself
"Come home to your heart, to that inner illumination, further than knowing. Past doubt, beyond confusion, deeper than sensation, to the light between the beats, there you will find yourself. Now, let’s begin."
—Barbara "Blaze" Lazarony, certified life coach, and CEO
10. Embrace everything about who you are
"You must be very much at home in your own skin, with who you are at your core. Once you get there, you will no longer try to be someone others want you to be. It is a journey getting there, but nothing is better than just being you, and loving who you are."
—Janelle Anderson, professional certified coach
11. Stop putting your dreams off
"Don’t put off your dreams waiting for a time when your body is different. You are as beautiful as you need to be right now."
—Lisa Newman, psychology and health coach
12. Connect to what matters to you
"The secret to living a fulfilling life is to live authentically. Before you can do that, you have to spend time getting to know yourself, looking into your heart, and connecting to what matters. This means delving into your values, needs, talents, passions, and purpose. Recognize when you feel in alignment and honor yourself by consciously creating your life."
—Lisa Petsinis, life coach
13. Embrace your emotions
"A person's true self is defined by the emotions that drive what they do. An authentic self is driven by natural reason and authentic emotion. Learned emotions like fear, guilt, and shame drive a life lived for others."
—Dr. Stephen Van Schoyck, clinical psychologist and author
14. Start saying no more often
"Learn to say no to things that do not serve you or add value to your life. Too often, we say yes to things that make us uncomfortable or cause us pain. It's almost as if we are punishing ourselves because of the quilt and the fear we hold onto. Say no and honor who you really are."
—Carolyn Owens, leadership coach and the founder of Infinity Coaching
15. Choose faith over fear
"Aligning with your true self is a sacred journey. Release your past with compassion and grace. Receive your present with acceptance and joy. Moving forward, choose in favor of your passions and values while choosing faith over fear!"
—Sandy Tomey, professional relationship coach and energy healer
16. Live in the excitement of what's to come
"How to live your best life that's authentically aligned is to always, always remember the 'why?' Why are you so passionate about aligning with the universe? Reflect on your answer and ground that intention deeply rooted in Mother Earth, pause, and then let it go.
Mother/Father/God/universe will take care of the rest, and know without a doubt the answer will come. Watch and listen to the whispers, and signs, and be curious. Live in the excitement of what will come; always remember, you're why the universe will take care of the 'how!'"
—Ramie Haas, hypnotherapist and Reiki practitioner
17. Find out what living a life of purpose and meaning is for you
"Are you wondering how to live a life of purpose and meaning? Take these four steps:
- Dream big
- Set goals
- Break your goals down into actionable steps
- Take action."
—Tamara Mason, counselor and therapist
18. Take charge of your inner voice
"Living a life aligned with your true self asserts your authentic power. See it as a process of becoming for listening and expressing your true voice. That will keep you motivated, successful, and in professional and personal relationships that bring meaning and pleasure."
—Ruth Schimel, career and life management consultant
19. Don't quit just because you're scared
"Fear is normal, but courage gets the final say. It is in the deep lines and flaws where the story of my life has been written. I would never want to erase that."
—Amy Debrucque, author and inspirational writer
20. Follow your true calling
"I think it’s a misconception that living aligned with your true self is always going to be blissful and pleasant. Following your true calling often means overcoming self-doubt and diving headfirst into difficulties. Therefore, the difference is not one of the emotions, but one of conviction. You will still experience pain and sadness when in alignment, but you will know deep down that your energy and suffering mean something, for yourself and for the world."
—Jeffrey Siegel, holistic wellness coach
21. Be selfish once in a while
"One way to know what's most important to living aligned with your true self is to set selfish goals. It's far too easy to set goals that are work, family, or otherwise outwardly focused. Setting a selfish goal means finding something big or small that resonates with you, that makes you happy, that puts you on a path toward what you really want in your life."
—Christie Mawer, coach and author.
22. Listen to your inner voice for decision-making
"Being true to oneself is a highly propagated phrase; however, truly allowing our authentic souls to guide us in decision-making is anything but cliché. The older I get, the more I realize that the best thing I can do for myself is to say 'no' more often — a lot more often.
And while it is still definitely not easy, it is getting easier, and it’s the single best thing I have done for myself and my personal happiness. I used to believe that such behavior would be considered selfish, but what I have found is, it's actually the opposite.
By saying no to things I do not want to do, I have more time to commit to things I enjoy. And maybe even more importantly, the time spent with people, and the commitments made out of love and passion and joy always end in better experiences for everyone — and a much better overall version of 'you' to be able to give to the world and to your loved ones!"
—Kena Hollingsworth, attorney
23. Forget what other people's opinions of you are
"To live a life that's aligned with your true self, you have to stop thinking about how other people are seeing what you're doing.
Until you let go of 'the gallery' of people you imagine are watching you, you will never live your true self. You'll be making decisions based on how you believe other people will react. Who these other people are is different for everyone. For some people, their parents are the strongest voices in their heads. For others, it's their peer group(s).
When you are capable of making decisions in the here and now based on your feelings, what feels good to you, what lights up your life and brings you the most joy, then you are aligned with your truest self."
—Dr. Sharon Cohen, relationship and love consultant
24. Listen to what your feelings are telling you
"Pay attention to your feelings. If something doesn't feel right to you, ask yourself, 'What's in the highest good for me and all?' The correct answer may not always feel 'good,' but it will feel 'right' and peaceful inside."
—Valerie Greene, relationship coach and mentor
25. Make sure your actions align with your core beliefs
"Living our lives to the fullest is when we narrow the gap between what we do, and who we are (or who we want to be). The next time you need to make a split-second decision on how to behave, interact, or invest your time, money, or emotional resources, ask yourself the following:
'If I were being live-streamed at this very moment, what would my audience think about me? More importantly, is what I will do, say, or decide now something which will push my self-esteem lever higher, or will it create regret, frustration, or pain?'
I have found that when asking myself the three simple, powerful words: 'And then what?' before making my move, keeping in mind the results which will either strengthen or diminish my core values, I have created a successful framework for a life filled with satisfying relationships, clarity, and meaning."
—Atara Malach, psychotherapist and professional coach
26. Don't ignore the pain that's gotten you to this point
PeopleImages / Shutterstock
"To live a life aligned with your true self, it's important that instead of ignoring the pain, you take a look at where it's coming from. Are you shoving down what you really want because you cancel it out — believing it's impractical or impossible?
Have you settled for a life that's not what you really want? Have you betrayed your standards for comfort, security, or because of complacency? Living a life aligned with your true self requires not only going in the direction of what you really want but avoiding being sidelined by the very human tendency to stall, become discouraged, and give up."
—Elizabeth Stone, life and dating coach
27. Help others without expecting anything in return
"Technology is really changing people's behavior. We are communicating differently. And while we're often learning from one another online, the irony is that we find it hard to interact effectively face-to-face. Oftentimes, we do little about stress. Dismissing them as petty or too complex, we either internalize them, leading to depression and suicides, or we externalize them, leading to bullying, homicides, and other violence so often shown in the media.
Using keen problem-pointing and management for conflicts is key. While we may not always be able to express a need for help for our own conflicts, we can relish in our ability to aid others effectively, which often can facilitate understanding ourselves."
—Remi Alli, wellness consultant.
28. Listen to what's inside of you already
"Here's my three-step strategy to ensure living aligned becomes easy, effortless, and in line with a higher purpose. Naturally!
- Be aware that you're already fully connected (and empowered) by your true self.
- Become aligned, fully present, and mindful, at the moment. Harness whatever system works for you.
- With Step 2 complete, you will confidently manifest your positive framed thoughts as: Ready, fire, aim … in that order! That’s right."
—Paul Litwack, leadership coach.
29. Embrace all of your nature
"To live a life aligned with one's true self, we must delve deeply into our inherent intimacy, our sensual nature, and let this well of creative life-force energy spring forth through bodily pleasure, joy, and self-expression. The more we repress and suppress our passion and intimacy, the more we dam up our greatest untapped resource — our intimate energy."
—Sacha Fossa, intimacy and holistic coach
30. Never stop evolving
"Aligning with your true self is a constant evolution. When a relationship is new, and you want so badly to be liked, it takes courage to ensure that your new partner is tested for STDs and uses condoms with you. Intimate integrity is a muscle; not only does it get easier with practice, but it results in feeling heightened confidence, which is undeniably attractive and empowering."
—Melissa White, CEO of Lucky Bloke, and intimacy educator
31. Don't let self-doubt get in the way of who you are
"Aligning with your true self is one of the healthiest things you can do to balance your body, mind, and spirit, not to mention your yin and yang.
When we're out of alignment, everything feels off. It can be impossible to get comfortable, get anything done, or even sleep peacefully. Self-doubt can run rampant because, after all, you don't know who you truly are. Two of the best things you can do to get into alignment are taking time to meditate to calm you and connect you, and developing a Qigong practice to balance your internal energy and your yin and yang."
—Jan Tucker, dating mentor and spiritual yogi
32. Ask yourself what your primary driving source is
"The cornerstones of stepping into your authentic self are knowing your core values and cultivating your purpose: The primary driving force that ignites you. There’s an unmistakable power in knowing and being your real self."
—Jacqueline Neuwirth, business and life coach.
33. Remember that you are divine
"We are born being our true self as an embodied spirit. Our nature is the mystery of being 100 percent human and 100 percent divine from moment to moment. The only thing that interferes with being aligned is the shadows that we accumulate as limiting beliefs, feelings, and memories from our experiences.
Our shadows interfere with our conscious connection with Source and who we truly are as an embodied spirit. Loving the shadow away and living your uniqueness allows you to accelerate your ability to be a conscious co-creator and be aligned with your true self in the now."
—Michael Gobel, psychologist and therapist
34. Be intentional in everything you do
"Be intentional about what you want to do, plan to do, and do! Along the journey, ask yourself, 'Do I really want to do this? Yes or no.'"
—Audrey Tait, psychotherapist and counselor
35. Know that authentic living is a journey
"Living life that is aligned with our true self is a process of discovery. Remaining open to a felt sense guiding us from within, we resonate with and follow that which is honest, true, and meaningful for us to become aligned. ... Aligning with our true self is often a discovery made after loss when life requires that we relinquish what we had to find what we really need."
—Geraldine Kerr, therapist and life coach
36. Discover your strengths and weaknesses
"Everyone has strengths that can be developed over time, and everyone has weaknesses they should be able to recognize. Once you focus and improve upon your strengths and have identified your weaknesses, seek the advice and input of other experts who may have strengths where you have weaknesses. People who are successful in life and love play to their strengths.”
—Mary Beth Sweeney, attorney and conflict management mediator
37. Ask yourself this: What is your mission here on Earth?
Standret / Shutterstock
If you're feeling unfulfilled in your relationship, sometimes it's not about your relationship; sometimes it's about you. Something in you is unfulfilled, and husband, career, kids, car, or other stuff isn't going to make this go away. You have to get clear on your why — why you are here on Earth and what your mission is."
—Dr. Lisa Webb, marriage and couples counselor
38. Put aside your distractions
"To live an authentic life that aligns with your true self means to let go. Let go of distractions; let go of masks, and let go of comparisons.
You should follow a recipe of baby steps every day that includes eliminating one distraction, one mask, and one comparison and replacing those undesirable inauthentic behaviors with a 3-5 minute meditation, honest communication with your partner, BFF, or co-worker, and self-affirmation spoken in the mirror."
—Poppy & Geoff Spencer, relationship coaches and certified counselors
39. Repeat this mantra: Your true self is already there within you
"Your true self isn’t something you go and find; it’s already with you. The great secret to living it is simply allowing your most natural mode of being to lead the way. Be unapologetic in your quirks and passions, for through them the world will get to know the real you."
—Nicole Gruel, wellness coach and author
40. Stop putting limiting beliefs in your way
"Invest time and energy in an understanding of where you came from and how it formed the way you are. Essentially, you must understand how you roll, respond, and do things in life to get rid of the habits, attitudes, and beliefs you didn't or wouldn't ultimately claim for yourself.
This way, you get to not only bust through the glass ceilings, limitations, and false assumptions you inherited, but you get to bust through the ones you accidentally placed there yourself, which were keeping you from your true self."
—Eva Van Prooyen, licensed marriage and family therapist
Merethe Najjar is a professional writer, editor, and award-winning fiction author. Her articles have been featured in The Aviator Magazine, Infinite Press, Yahoo, BRIDES, and more.
