The Art Of Being A Good Friend: 7 Simple Habits Of Naturally Good Friends
Friendship thrives in the little moments.
Andy Quezada | Unsplash We all know someone who just seems to get friendship right. They remember the small details and somehow make you feel genuinely seen and valued without even trying. This is because you and your best friend are on the same wavelength.
You don't need to be endlessly available or extraordinarily selfless. Whether your bestie is going through a breakup or other hardships, or you just want to show them how much you care, here are seven different ways to show your best friend some love.
Here are 7 simple habits of naturally good friends:
1. They give the gift of their time
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Gifts like potted plants and jewelry are fine, but the gift of your time surpasses them all. If you Google “best friend gifts,” you get 163,000,000 hits in less than a second.
Save the concert tickets and ornaments for birthdays and holidays. Instead, offer to help with something overwhelming that they hate to do.
Some people don’t know where to get started when it comes to cleaning their house or reorganizing that pesky storage room. Also, if you have a green thumb, help them plant a flower garden. If your bestie has a problem maintaining that garden, fill it with succulents and plants that don’t need much care.
2. They bring over dinner after a rough day
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If someone is overwhelmed with work or daily chores or simply feels under the weather, make a meal and take it over to them and their family. By bringing them a plate, you’ll be taking one more thing off their plate. If cooking’s not your forte, Uber Eats a meal, order a pizza, or offer to meet up for apps or a glass of wine — whatever they feel like.
Cooking is often an intimate activity that allows someone to express love and care for another person. Research on the functions of social eating found that this act of nurturing strengthens the bond and creates a deeper sense of closeness.
3. They really hear them out
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While you’re cleaning out the garden, attic, or kitchen together, take the time to share each other’s feelings. Active, empathetic listening is a proven relationship booster. We all need someone to listen to our rants.
Your best friend is going to know when you’re not really listening. Your eyes will glaze over, and you will say “uh-huh” without really responding to what they're saying. But with empathetic listening, you’re engaged in what they're saying, and it will show.
That means absorbing each word and how they say it. When you react, let them know you understood what they said and follow up with questions. That’s how they know you weren’t checked out while they were venting. It’s also how you let them know they are emotionally safe with you.
4. They create feel-good energy together
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This might seem weird, but singing, dancing, and getting ready for a night out together are all proven to increase social bonds. But it’s not just those activities.
Researchers say anything that gives you and your best friend an endorphin hit will strengthen your bond. So, go running or skydiving, or see a scary movie together. Positive social contact releases endorphins, which counteract the body's stress response by reducing levels of cortisol. This calming effect helps people cope with difficult times.
5. They take their kids for the weekend
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If your friend seems stressed out, they may just need some alone time. If they've got young kids, treat them to an afternoon at the spa, and it will rejuvenate them. A weekend getaway with their spouse may help them reboot and face challenges that may be weighing on them.
Research has shown that children develop a healthier understanding of relationships when they learn they don't have to spend every minute with their parents. Having strong relationships with people beyond their parents helps children become more well-rounded and adaptable.
6. They give it to them straight
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If you’re used to giving it to your BFF straight, you’re the best kind of friend there is. A study published in Psychological Science shows that going through the negative emotions — not just the good ones —with their besties will ultimately help them.
It’s scary to hurt someone’s feelings. But, if there’s an obvious reason why your best friend is having a hard time with something and you know it’s something that might make them upset, you might still take the risk and tell them for their own good. Only the best of friends are willing to tell the cold, hard truth. Showing them tough love could, in the end, make their life better.
7. They make time for adventure
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The old movie Thelma and Louise immortalized the best friend road trip. Two girlfriends blaze an illegal path of glory across the desert. It goes without saying that you should leave the law-breaking part of Hollywood, but you and your BFF can hit the road.
Whether it’s a trip up the Pacific Coast Highway, cross-country, or an East Coast jaunt, spending that one-on-one time on adventures is the recipe for showing your best friend lots of love.
It comes with a bonus: plenty of memories to last a lifetime. Your best friend plays a bigger role in your life than you realize. Researchers understand that strong connections with family and friends are essential for a healthy life.
And research shows that the older you get, friends may be more important than family. And when you’re a senior citizen, it’s your bond with your best friend that may keep you kicking for decades to come.
Emma Bishop is a freelance writer and former contributor to Unwritten who focuses on friendship, relationships, and love.
