Extroverts Who Love Introverts Just Naturally Get These 3 Things About Them
Extroverts who adore introverts don't force them to change.
Getty Images | Unsplash Congratulations! You finally snagged a date with that cute guy from the gym. Over dinner, you practically sit on your tongue to appear demure. After all, isn't being an introvert all the rage these days? (Everywhere you turn, you hear how much happier introverts are in life, love, and work.)
But being an extrovert or an introvert isn't about being shy or speaking out — it's about how you gain energy and how you process it. Being around others energizes extroverts, while introverts need quiet (and sometimes solitude) to recharge.
One reason extroverts seem to talk so much is that they need to work things out verbally, while introverts ponder ideas in their heads before expressing an opinion. That doesn't mean you have to dial down your enthusiasm. Rather, learn skills to successfully navigate the world around you, which is full of people who manage their energy differently from you.
Extroverts who love introverts just naturally get these 3 things about them:
1. Introverts need an energetic ear
As extroverts, we tend to speak to think. We are also big-time interrupters. As another person talks to us, our responses are already bubbling to the surface, practically bypassing our brains. This frustrates others, especially introverts, and makes them feel silenced by us.
They gave time and attention to listen to your thoughts and feelings. When you interrupt or steamroll over their less-dominant way of communicating, they feel their words are unimportant.
I know it feels as though you're being tied down when you don't speak at every impulse, but allowing others their turn goes a long way in building trust and rapport. So, spend time creating a list of questions you might ask an introverted date to draw them out. Then, shut up and actually listen. This is how a thoughtful exchange begins.
2. Introverts need low-key places for dates
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Extroverts feel energized by being around others. Going to a big party, nightclub, or popular restaurant makes you feel alive. However, these experiences drain introverts, and they cannot wait to escape. Later in your relationship, it causes conflict when one of you wants to go out, and the other wants to stay in.
Introverts need to observe new situations. On a date, that means you want them focused on observing you, not a loud environment. So, suggest familiar or lower-key spots for a date. I know that a too-quiet environment feels boring to you, but it allows you both to get to know each other without being distracted by the outside world too much.
"Introverts love spending quality time one-on-one with their loved ones," explained life coach Gabriela Casineanu, "but even in those conditions, their energy gets depleted after a while. If you find them wanting to cut short the discussion or feeling tired, allow them to withdraw without asking too many questions, and don't feel frustrated by their withdrawal. They'll bring back their lovely self once recharged."
3. Introverts move at a pace that feels comfortable to them
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As an extrovert, you want to try new experiences and take it all in. You think fast, move quickly, and love the spotlight. Sometimes, you become impatient when you don't excel at a new skill quickly or when others don't keep up.
Introverts are often attracted to the unbridled sense of adventure that comes along with them, especially if they don't have to do the planning. But all of that enthusiasm quickly becomes overwhelming and exhausting to them. This isn't to say you need to give up your enthusiasm for exploring the world, but by slowing down, you learn the art of savoring.
Casineanu continued, "Introverts are project-driven, too, but only by projects dear to their heart. Introverts are often driven by meaningful ideas that have the potential to make a better world. There's more pleasure for them to work on a project with their partner, in a real partnership focused on each other's strengths, complementing each other without imposing one's idea."
Step back and watch your introverted partner approach a problem with a (seemingly) laid-back resoluteness. You can learn patience by watching their tenacity and determination to learn new skills and experience adventures along with you.
By being more patient, you not only offer that gift to your partner, but you also become less judgmental and patient with yourself. Being an extrovert isn't a liability when it comes to love.
If you spend your time dating as someone you're not, you will never feel truly accepted and loved (outgoing warts and all). By being your glorious, extroverted self, you have the greatest opportunity to find a relationship that feels collaborative, loving, and supportive — even one with an introvert. Why? An extrovert naturally invites an introvert out of their shell to explore and experience the world around them.
On the flip side, an introverted partner is the understanding and supportive partner you need when the world feels too busy and overwhelming. They will be the first to suggest you put up your feet and snuggle on the couch by the fire. And that's not a bad way to spend a date night.
Debra Smouse is a life coach and author who has also been published in Time, Huffington Post, MSN, Psychology Today, and more. She believes in following your desires even when your life is already awesome.
