How To Take Care Of Yourself First: 3 Self-Discipline Rules That Keep People From Overstepping
Ree _ | Unsplash Most people struggle with putting themselves first without feeling guilty about it. We're taught to be helpful and accommodating, which are genuinely wonderful qualities. But somewhere along the way, self-care got confused with selfishness, and now too many of us are running on empty while everyone else's tank stays full.
You don't need complicated strategies or endless self-help books. You just need three straightforward self-discipline rules that act like guardrails, keeping you on track and preventing others from overstepping boundaries you didn't even realize needed protecting.
Here are 3 self-discipline rules that keep people from overstepping:
1. Express your wants and needs
How do you tell a guy you're not just an option? Well, the first thing you should do is to use clear language, stating what it is you want. If you want to be a priority, tell them. Say what you want to get out of the relationship, if you even want a relationship.
Nobody can read your mind, so if you want something from a relationship, you've got to actually say it out loud. A 2022 study showed that people who clearly communicate what they need feel way less anxious and more in control, while those who keep quiet just end up confused and resentful.
2. Set boundaries
If a relationship doesn't come out of your talk, set boundaries for what you are and are not comfortable doing with that person. Tell them what behavior is not acceptable and stick with it. If you can't hang out with them past 10 PM without fear, you may make a mistake; don't hang out with them that late. Tell them you can only see them a certain number of times per week, in the daylight.
If you get late-night text messages hoping to meet up, reply with something like this: "Hey, please don't text me this late. If you want to hang out, we can go out on a date at an earlier time."
Setting boundaries isn't about being difficult or pushing people away; it's about taking care of yourself before you completely burn out. According to a 2024 study, people who actually stick to their boundaries are way less likely to burn out and deal with less anxiety and stress overall.
3. Make sure you're on the same page
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Make sure you both want the same thing. If one of you doesn't want anything serious but the other person wants a relationship, that can easily ruin your arrangement. Ask something like this: "We've been seeing each other quite a bit lately, so I thought I'd go ahead and ask. What are you looking for out of a relationship?"
If you're looking for something serious and they just want to hook up, someone's going to end up hurt, and it's probably going to be you. Research shows that being aligned on what you both actually want from a relationship is one of the biggest factors in whether things last, because when you want the same things, you're building on solid ground instead of quicksand.
It can be stressful to ask these kinds of questions, since they may not be looking for the same thing. But you don't want to waste your time on someone who's not on your wavelength.
These three rules aren't about shutting people out or becoming some boundary-obsessed robot. They're just about respecting yourself enough to show up authentically and protect your energy for the people and things that truly matter. Because at the end of the day, you can't pour from an empty cup, and you definitely can't build something real with someone who doesn't even know what you need.
So start small. Pick one rule and practice it this week. Say what you want. Draw a line. Ask the tough question. You might be surprised at how much better things feel when you stop bending over backwards and start standing up straight.
Lisa Hayes is a law of attraction relationship coach and author. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives.
