Almost Every True Perfectionist Does 10 Small Rituals Without Even Realizing It
Kyryk Ivan | Shutterstock While the pursuit of excellence and the desire to be great all seem like great things on paper, perfectionism actually stems from feelings of inadequacy and anxiety, which harm personal satisfaction and well-being. Much like other forms of anxiety, perfectionism is hard to unwind because it seeps into all the small instincts and behaviors of daily life.
Almost every true perfectionist does certain small rituals without even realizing it, many of which perpetuate their inner struggles and unsustainable expectations. And unfortunately, over time, being so hard on themselves can lead to burnout and chronic stress.
Almost every true perfectionist does 10 small rituals without even realizing it
1. They trade celebration for decompression
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Many perfectionist people, who work diligently and without rest toward big goals, don't actually celebrate once they accomplish them. Instead, they often need to decompress, as it's only relief when they finally make it to the finish line. They've been operating from a place of fear and anxiety, so now that the goal has been reached, the release of all that pent-up energy requires deep rest.
Unfortunately, because their only view of self-acceptance stems from perfectionism, this is a cycle that happens over and over again. They feel most gratified and fulfilled when working themselves to the brink, only to move on to the next task without intentionally sitting with or celebrating their win for too long.
2. They wait for the perfect time to complete tasks
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Perfectionists are procrastinators. It's not because they're lazy, but because they often think about things so thoroughly that they get paralyzed when it comes to action. They need to do everything perfectly, but when they can imagine every small thing that could go wrong with a complex task, starting it can feel impossible.
They have to wait for the perfect time to complete all their tasks, whether it's hygiene rituals on a Saturday morning or a million obligations at work. Lazy people are driven by a need for constant idleness and comfort, but perfectionists cope with anxiety and fear by pushing things off.
3. They overexplain everything
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Even if being misunderstood or facing constructive criticism at work are normal experiences for the average person to manage, for perfectionists, they can feel like the end of the world. So much of their self-worth comes from a need to be perfect, and even though that's completely unrealistic, they still fear feedback and criticism that breaks down their self-imposed image.
That's why they tend to overexplain every choice and justify their misbehavior to avoid criticism and accountability. They need people to understand them, especially when it supports their narrative and self-image in positive ways.
4. They place unrealistic expectations on others
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Whether it's in conversations with people at their job or working through conflict with a partner at home, perfectionists can't help but hold everyone around them to similarly unrealistic expectations. They have unsustainable expectations for themselves, but they also expect their lives and relationships to be perfect, which also harms the people around them.
Even if it's the perpetuation of things like societal beauty standards, people can be severely hurt emotionally and personally when subjected constantly to this kind of exposure.
5. They ignore positive thoughts
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One of the most common cognitive distortions perfectionists experience is an inability to see the positive aspects of a situation. There's no "light at the end of the tunnel" when they're thinking about anything, but rather a million passing thoughts and worries to stress over.
They consider the worst-case scenario, both as a means of preparing and succeeding, but also because their minds are wired toward the negative. They're always getting caught up in overthinking spirals and negative thoughts because they completely overlook all the subtle positives of any situation.
6. They blow mistakes out of proportion
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Many people thrive when making tons of mistakes, because rather than receiving them as some kind of personal weakness or failing, they grasp the opportunity to learn something new. Even if that means leaning into the discomfort of growth and taking accountability, these kinds of people are constantly becoming better versions of themselves through trial and error.
However, it's become a ritual for perfectionists to not only avoid accountability for their mistakes, but to use "all or nothing" thinking when considering them. For example, one mistake at work makes them a terrible worker. One small miscommunication in their relationship makes them a bad partner. Not knowing something in a conversation makes them dumb.
They rarely take ownership of the things they don't know, but avoid conversations where their small glimpses of ignorance are called out.
7. They blame themselves for everything
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On top of making mistakes and weaknesses, in other parts of daily life, perfectionists can't help but blame themselves. When a relationship breaks down, it's their fault for not being a better partner or putting in more effort. At work, where productivity and success are tied to self-worth, getting fired is a direct reflection of one's inadequacy.
Even in situations where they're not to blame, they find a way to make themselves feel worse by shifting responsibility, usually to grasp at the control this ritual brings.
8. They jump to conclusions
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A cognitive distortion that generally harms personal mental health and well-being, jumping to conclusions without evidence is a common struggle for perfectionists. Whether it's labeling themselves as a bad person for not knowing an answer or assuming the worst in any given scenario, they create more stress by making assumptions.
They completely avoid the mindfulness and stillness that the average person engages in before making a decision, and instead think the worst and react at the expense of their own well-being.
9. They hold themselves to impossible standards
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Whether it's comparing themselves to others in unfair, unrealistic ways or caring too much about stereotypical expectations set by society for where they should be in their lives, perfectionists can't help but compare. They always feel behind, or like they're not where they should be at a specific time in their lives, even if it would be impossible for them to do any better than they already are.
Instead of making peace with and cultivating happiness in their present state, they create despair by comparing themselves to people and standards that don't make any sense.
10. They overwork themselves
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Overworking can feel like a daily ritual to a perfectionist, considering their self-worth stems almost entirely from productivity and outcomes, and success and praise. To feel secure in themselves, they need to overwork themselves and go above and beyond, even if that means sacrificing rest and peace.
They need to feel important and needed, usually at work, so they find themselves working long hours and saying "yes" to things they can't manage, making themselves available all the time, despite a need for work-life boundaries and balance.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
