Boomers Are Lonelier Than Ever For 10 Reasons That Have Nothing To Do With Their Kids Being Too Busy For Them
fast-stock | Shutterstock Loneliness is a somewhat inevitability of aging for many people, especially for boomer parents coping with their adult kids growing up and leaving the house.
However, boomers are lonelier than ever for reasons that have nothing to do with their kids being too busy for them or starting their own lives. In some cases, other reasons affect their ability to find community, connect with new people, and get out of their comfort zone. Unfortunately, they're often in a cycle, promoting more isolation and loneliness as they try to cope.
Boomers are lonelier than ever for 10 reasons that have nothing to do with their kids being too busy for them
1. They were taught to not need anyone
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Many baby boomers were conditioned into believing that strength came from hyper-independence and self-reliance. They don't want to "need" anyone to feel secure, because in their collective minds, it's a weakness. For men, it's often a conversation of vulnerability, and for women, one of obligation and responsibility. They have to hold it all together to be seen as resilient and "hard-working," even if it makes them isolated and lonely later in life.
Our communities and social connections are what truly bring us joy in life, and as you age, they may also be the key to living a longer, healthier life. It's not a setback to rely on support from others. In fact, it's largely a superpower, especially as we get older, to make the choice to cultivate strong relationships.
2. They play a 'role' in their lives
Rather than having the freedom to be authentic and connect with people as a "real" person, many boomers have been conditioned into finding identity within their roles. Of course, in many ways, their loneliness comes from the changing role of being a parent, but even outside the family, having self-worth that stems from function or work may create disconnection around retirement.
When they're not being productive, going to an office, or playing a specific "role" that makes them feel important at home, they sit with a feeling of being invisible that shapes their social isolation. They don't feel "needed," making their alone time feel like a weakness and something to avoid, rather than a space for rest and relaxation.
3. They struggle with a technology gap
According to a study from Computers in Human Behavior, the less someone uses technology, like search engines, the lonelier they actually feel. These are the apps and platforms that connect us and spark important curiosity in the modern world, but for boomers struggling with a technology gap, being able to leverage them can feel impossible.
Especially if their primary form of connection, community, and communication is all coming from social media or text messages, feeling lonely can stem from personal shame and blame that they don't know how to navigate or rely on.
4. They have more alone time than ever
A good attitude and an intentional routine around solitude are the keys to reaping the most benefits from it. However, for boomers, whose self-worth is tied up in action and busyness, accepting their newfound alone time can be a huge struggle. Especially when their identity is mostly shaped by roles and other people, spending time in their own company can bring up all sorts of anxious feelings and insecurities.
While most aging adults actually enjoy and appreciate small moments of solitude more than their younger counterparts, according to a study from the International Journal of Behavioral Development, when it becomes the main ritual of their daily life, it can feel isolating and draining.
5. Nobody wants to interact in public
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Compared to other countries, where third spaces and interactions with strangers are somewhat second nature in most communities, American boomers are far less disconnected from regular social interactions when they enter the world. Whether it's running errands or wanting to connect with their neighbors, most people are too shut off from community to consider spending time and effort on a passing interaction.
Even though conversations with strangers have been shown to increase our happiness, for people of all age groups, most boomers' feelings of loneliness stem from a disconnection between the connection they're yearning for and the kind that other people are willing to offer and engage in.
6. They don't have access to government resources and 'safety nets'
In our modern society and economy, the government "safety nets" and resources that other countries offer aging people and elderly communities are sorely lacking. While boomers may not need the kind of care and assistance that older generations do yet, they're still largely missing out on the freedom of community, interaction, and healthcare that promote better well-being and connection.
"Those services that were set up have actually failed people, and they're still failing people by closing the doors," senior care worker Su Benson-Carson explains. "They set all these services up for people with mental health disabilities, able-bodied people, and elderly people, and yet, they pulled all the funding."
So, while we often speak about government "safety nets" and resources as a public health crisis, the truth is that many aging people are experiencing more struggles behind closed doors than we realize, from mental health issues to loneliness.
7. They're struggling financially
Money stress, financial struggles, and chronic isolation from not having a disposable income play into loneliness for all age groups, but especially for boomers who are approaching or experiencing retirement. Especially in our modern culture, where true "third spaces" without financial barriers are dwindling, people without the money to spend on experiences and communities end up more isolated than their wealthy peers.
They can't afford the cost of the community they need to cope with loneliness, and with the added financial strain of paying bills and navigating rising prices, it can feel impossible to focus on their own well-being. Even money spent helping others can boost happiness, but in our modern economy, most aging people can't even afford basic living necessities, let alone the price tag of happiness and connection.
8. Everyone in their circle is battling loneliness
Whether they're living in assisted care or at home alone, the more people in their circles experiencing loneliness, the more likely a boomer is to develop the same symptoms and struggles.
It might seem counterintuitive, but a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people existing and interacting with a community of lonely people are actually more likely to develop loneliness over time. As the volume of boomers experiencing loneliness grows, aging individuals will inevitably absorb the social struggles of their friends and neighbors.
9. They're prone to sitting with nostalgia
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The older you get, the more nostalgia tends to follow you around in daily life. It's a natural part of being human. The more life experiences and changes you experience, the more reflection you begin to appreciate in your life, especially with the heightened space for solitude in your routine.
Especially considering the effects of nostalgia tend to be more powerfully negative when someone's already lonely, according to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, boomers may feel lonelier than ever when they can't help but lean into nostalgic memories and reflections.
Of course, nostalgic experiences and therapies can be incredibly healthy for longevity and health in aging communities, but when it becomes a "crutch" for escapism and a depressive experience that worsens someone's appreciation for the present, it's far more predictive of loneliness.
10. They're facing grief and loss
We often have a misguided assumption that "aging" means "decline," and that the older you get, the worse life becomes. Of course, aging individuals have their own set of unique struggles, as every generation does, but their lives actually become more fulfilling as they age.
However, there's no sidestepping common experiences like loss and grief that older individuals tend to experience more often at scale. Whether it's losing family members and spouses or being disconnected from communities that simulate a similar kind of grief, emotional loneliness and loss often play into a prolonged cycle of struggle that can be incredibly difficult to cope with, especially on your own.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
