11 Signs A Man Is So Emotionally Secure That He Doesn’t Need To Prove It
Kateryna Onyshchuk / Shutterstock Unfortunately an insecure man is generally not going to be a good partner, regardless of how hard you might try to make him into one. Sometimes, the best signs of insecurity are a guy showing traits of actual emotional security. In other words, look for green flags. This list of simple signs below shows that a man is actually emotionally stable, available, and yes, secure.
Here are 11 signs a man is so emotionally secure that he doesn’t need to prove it
1. He doesn’t ask for constant reassurance
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If there’s one thing that’s a dead giveaway about a person’s insecurity levels, it’s how often they ask for reassurance. Men who are very insecure often ask you repeatedly how good they are. This is especially true when they want to be reassured that they’re better than other men.
Psychologists note that everyone needs a little reassurance once in a while, but that too much can be a warning sign of serious insecurity. A man who needs reassurance once in a blue moon is generally a secure guy—and that’s awesome. Besides, guys who constantly hound women for reassurance are pretty annoying, aren’t they?
2. Even when it’s awkward to do so, he’ll say his actual intentions
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Most women have noticed a pronounced uptick in men who ghost, lead women on, or otherwise try to hide behind their image. It’s gotten bad, real bad—to the point that many women are actively debating whether they want to continue dating at all as a result of being burned too many times.
Ghosting (and its cousin, leading people on) occurs when men are too insecure to admit that they are not interested in pursuing a woman. They still want the validation that comes from women chasing them, but they don’t actually want the woman. So they just try to fade out despite it hurting the woman. It’s easier for them to stay mum on intentions rather than deal with the blowback of an upset date.
3. He’s perfectly fine with giving you space to do your own thing
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Believe it or not, quite a few men tend to freak out when they see their partners go out without them. Some even freak out when their partner decides to do something solo rather than with them. This is an obvious sign of insecurity, not to mention a warning sign of controlling behavior.
Psychologists have noticed that a man who is okay with giving you space has a secure attachment style. That’s a type of attachment style that only comes from a man being emotionally secure and emotionally safe to be around. So, if he’s cool with you hanging out with friends or having a girls’ weekend, take that as a good sign.
4. You never hear him nitpick or criticize you
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Insecure men often try to find ways to bring people down to their self-perceived level, which means that they’ll try to “take you down a notch.” One of the most common ways insecure men do this is to criticize every little aspect of something you do.
A confident, emotionally secure man will compliment your dress or the new haircut you got. An insecure man might say something snarky about your sense of style, how much it costs, or why that color of hair really “doesn’t suit you.”
5. Compliments are freely given
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Some insecure men won’t nitpick you, per se. However, they won’t exactly complement you, either. In fact, they will make you feel like eliciting a compliment from them is one of the hardest things you can do. It will almost start to feel like a game for them, because it is.
Men who are insecure about women tend to do what they can to make women chase their approval. It’s such a common technique that it even made its way to pickup artist circles because it makes men feel rewarded. Make no mistake about it: if you start feeling like you have to dig for his approval, it’s likely because he’s been trying to make you feel that way. Healthy men won’t ever act that way.
6. He can tell you what he wants, how he wants it, and how he’s feeling
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Ask almost any relationship guru out there, and they’ll say that communication is key. The funny thing about communication is that it actually takes quite a lot of self-confidence, security, and emotional intelligence to communicate effectively with people. This is doubly true when it comes to discussing difficult topics in relationships.
Men who are insecure will often muffle their desires, try to conflate things, backpedal on what they want to say, or just keep mum when major feelings are involved. The reason why is simple: rejection or showing a sign of disappointment would likely crush them.
7. You can tell he’s there because he wants to be there
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Did you ever notice how often insecure men choose to “settle” with a girl, even though it’s clear they don’t really even like her? In media, it’s become a major trope to see guys who are with women they dislike simply because they’re too insecure to be alone.
Serious emotional security comes with a man who is perfectly fine being alone in his own company. A man who can be happy solo yet chooses to be with a woman is secure enough to leave if things get toxic. Men who get “stuck” in bad relationships are men who are ruled by their insecurities.
8. You’ve seen him stand up to his peers on topics he cares about
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Believe it or not, a lot of people tend to “go with the flow” when it comes to public opinions about random topics. Much of this deals with insecurity. They don’t want to be seen as the “odd one out,” or ruffle feathers by disagreeing. This is why it takes guts to actually stand for everything.
A person who disagrees or stands up for things that aren’t always popular is generally a person who does not care what others think. This is especially true if they are standing up for what they feel is right. Insecure people don’t have the strength to do that.
9. He can share the spotlight
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When you’re insecure about yourself, you want to be the person in the spotlight. In fact, they tend to be desperate to get all the applause, all the attention, and all the popularity. Sharing the spotlight or worse, having someone else there instead of them, tends to be a nightmare scenario. After all, if all eyes aren’t on them, how will they feel validated? How will they get the dopamine rush of praise they so desire?
Secure people are the ones who are okay with sharing the spotlight, even on bigger projects. They don’t really live for validation the way others do. So, they won’t panic when someone else gets to be on stage.
10. He won’t ask for anything he couldn’t provide
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If you’ve ever dated a guy who was deeply insecure about what he could give, you may have noticed that he lives by double standards. He’ll expect you to look like a model while he looks like roadkill. He’ll expect you to work around the clock for him, but he “absolutely needs to decompress” with his stupid video games.
A man who is emotionally secure and emotionally mature will not have any issue holding himself to the same standards that he holds you to. If that means that he expects you to look good, he expects to look good too. If that means he wants loyalty, he’ll be loyal too.
11. He doesn’t freak out when others correct him
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If you want to see whether or not a man is emotionally secure, watch what happens when you correct him. No one likes to be told they’re wrong, but men who are insecure absolutely loathe it. They see it as a sign of being perceived as weak, stupid, or otherwise inadequate.
CNBC notes that the refusal to admit wrongdoing is one of the signs of highly insecure people. The opposite is also true. Men who are secure in themselves have no problem admitting when they were wrong or when they forgot something. So, consider it a good sign if you see him smile, laugh, and say, “Hey, my bad!”
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
