People Who Feel Less Secure When They’re Single Often Share These 7 Traits
Valentin Lacoste | Unsplash For some people, being single makes them feel way less secure. But I’ve never been the type of person to view my relationship status as a factor in my emotional happiness or stability. Instead, to me, a relationship is just a bonus of someone else thinking I’m awesome.
But for many who don’t share this view, being single can be really tough. However, a study from The American Psychological Association suggested they also don’t realize how they could be tying their self-worth to their relationship status to make their situation even worse.
People who feel less secure when they're single often share these seven traits:
1. They live in their memories
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
When you’re alone and in your feelings, you look at old messages or pictures that, at the time, made you feel so happy and alive. Being brought back to those past situations only makes your present feel more lonely than it really is. Relationship expert Ronnie Ann Ryan explained, "You are not over your last relationship if you can't stop checking his social. Who is he with? What is he up to? This is a clear sign that your heart is not completely healed, or you wouldn't care much about what he's doing."
2. They spend too much time on social media
Tirachard Kumtanom via Shutterstock
From TikTok to Instagram, you’re always seeing subtle reminders that you’re single. A study of women's perceptions of social media use found that certain social media norms made people feel worse about themselves, like, "Oh, look, another person got engaged, and someone else is posting hilarious videos with their new lover, great." Everything you see is just another reminder of what you don’t have, even though you want it more than anything.
3. They try too hard for the wrong reasons
EVGENII LEONTEV via Shutterstock
Sometimes, we try so hard to look good in hopes of attracting attention. You might want to go to the gym, but it’s only to look better for when someone comes along. You might want to wear a certain dress, but it’s only because you know guys have complimented you in it before. You get what I’m saying? Try hard for you, not for the prospect of a boyfriend.
"When we seek love or validation outside of ourselves, we depend on somebody else for our happiness," explained dating coach Kelly Ann Garnett. "When we are with our soulmates, we don’t need to depend on them. We don’t need other people to love us. It’s just easy, and it flows organically."
4. They associate with bad people just to have someone
David MG via Shutterstock
If they give you the slightest bit of attention, it’ll do. Sure, you may see the red flags, but it’s still nice to be wanted or complimented every once in a while. It could be a friend-with-benefits or side piece situation, but that little bit of interaction just makes you feel a little better for a while. Ultimately, though, it leaves you feeling crushed once it’s over.
Marriage therapist Laurel Fey explained, "Healthy relationships align with your core beliefs, convictions, and overall chosen style of life. In a healthy relationship, you never have to worry about changing yourself to make the relationship function. You also never have to worry about losing your partner when you decide to make some changes. There's no need to be someone else, do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, or act in a certain way."
5. They're rarely present
Xavier Lorenzo via Shutterstock
Instead of living in the moment with your friends, your wandering eye is scanning the room for a hot guy. If you don’t see one, you might feel discouraged and disappointed. It’s natural to always look, but it shouldn’t affect the vibe of the night.
"Get more in tune with yourself and what you want," advised spiritual coach Kristine Carlson. "The more you are focused and working on yourself, the less you will care about or seek validation from the outside. We all have different goals to accomplish and different reasons why. Only you can work towards them in your own way. The key is knowing who you are."
6. They are always a third wheel
Dragana Gordic via Shutterstock
This is self-esteem sabotage. Of course, hanging out with only couples in happy relationships is going to make you feel terrible about yourself. Obviously, you still need to make an effort to see your friends and their plus-ones, but have moments with just your friends to maintain your balance.
"You've created a picture in your mind of what dating should be," suggested dating coach Anna Karimo. Maybe you thought this was productive, like goal setting, but really, you're only limiting yourself to what is out there. You are setting yourself up for disappointment by creating these expectations in the first place."
7. They put up a front to make it seem like they don’t want a relationship
Prostock-studio via Shutterstock
Sometimes, it’s easier to make it seem like you don’t want a relationship or need a man just to not seem desperate. But putting up a front isn’t getting you anywhere. And people can usually see right through it. Be honest with yourself if you want things to change.
It’s easy to complain about the dating scene, because there are a lot of terrible sides to it. But there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic, too. Fantasize about how great your life is going to be one day, and embrace good people when you find them. But don’t forget that you are still blessed with great friends and family. Things could be so much worse.
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist, and TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten.
