High IQ Loners Almost Always Demand These 11 Things From People They Know
shurkin_son / Shutterstock While high-IQ people have a ton of beneficial traits, like openness and curiosity, that boost their well-being in relationships and conversations, a study published in Intelligence also suggests that they’re prone to developing mental health concerns, loneliness, and psychological distress when they’re not living in a perfectly curated environment. From dealing with perfectionism to feeling isolated from like-minded people and communities, they’re not immune to struggle.
High-IQ loners also almost always demand certain things from the people they know, straining their relationships and fostering tense interactions. Even when they have good intentions, trying to cope with a lack of stimulation, connection, or depth in their lives can subtly push people away.
High IQ loners almost always demand these 11 things from people they know
1. Deep conversations
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Sometimes, small talk is inevitable. It’s not sustainable to overshare with everyone and expect them to be comfortable leaning into deep, meaningful conversations when they’re only prepared for small talk. However, considering intelligent people tend to have a preference for these deep conversations, they may still try to urge others into adopting them, even if it cultivates more discomfort than is necessary.
Especially for high-IQ people struggling with isolation and loneliness in their lives, it may feel like second nature to lean into depth, even with people they don’t know well. While it might temporarily make them feel more connected, these kinds of oversharing tendencies can often place emotional burdens on others and amplify loneliness in the long run.
2. Accepting their last-minute cancellations
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According to a study published in the British Journal of Psychology, high-IQ individuals are often less comfortable and fulfilled with frequent social interactions, especially when they lack depth and meaning. From ditching social gatherings with strangers to canceling plans to go to crowded parties, they’d simply prefer to be alone.
On top of being prone to misunderstandings and feeling ostracized in certain social situations, it’s not surprising that they feel the need to cancel at the last minute and say “no” to social interactions that they believe will quickly drain their sense of control and social battery.
3. Following a social script
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Considering that intelligent people are prone to anxiety, such as overthinking, it’s not surprising that they expect others to follow a certain social script when interacting. They’ve spent a lot of time rehearsing how an interaction is going to go or overthinking what they’re going to say, so that when someone veers off the “script,” it can feel disorienting.
Especially if they spend a lot of time alone and are relatively rigid about their needs, routines, and interactions, making space for someone else to be flexible can feel impossible.
4. Alone time
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If a friend group or an acquaintance doesn’t understand a high-IQ loner's preference for solitude and keeps urging them to join big social events and gatherings all the time, there’s a chance they’ll feel overlooked and irritable. They need people to respect their alone time, even when it feels like they’re not putting effort into relationships or pushing themselves out of their comfort zone to support a friend.
So, while alone time is often healthy for these people to regulate and reflect on deeper levels than they can socially, too much of it, especially over necessary quality time, can keep them stuck in a cycle of loner behaviors and loneliness.
5. Communicating mostly over text messages
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While being an introverted person doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s more intelligent, there is a relationship between high-IQ people and a preference for introverted habits. They may have a social battery that needs intentional alone time and prefer offline conversations as opposed to in-person interactions.
High-IQ loners almost always demand these things from the people they know, even if it sometimes isolates them from social interactions and conversations. They prefer to communicate mostly over text, even if their friends need face-to-face, quality time to feel comfortable and heard.
6. Downtime while hanging out
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Especially if they’re hanging out with someone they don’t know well and engaging in a lot of social interaction all at once, a high-IQ loner may demand some kind of “downtime” to recharge their social battery.
Their social battery drains faster than the average person, not only because they prefer alone time over social connection, but also because they spend most of their time in solitude. They need downtime, even if it’s just sitting in silence together at home, to recharge and feel energized.
7. Curiosity
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According to a study published in the Neuron journal, highly intelligent people also tend to be more curious. They appreciate conversations that are deep, understanding new perspectives, and engaging in debates about topics that the average person might steer clear of.
That’s part of the reason why high-IQ loners almost always demand some level of curiosity from the people they know. They’re yearning for conversations that are deep and need people around who are comfortable thinking deeply about seemingly simple topics, asking questions, and engaging in these interactions.
8. Authenticity
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Authenticity is often inherently intertwined with mindful behaviors and attitudes, according to Professor Stephen Joseph, meaning that the average high-IQ person is more attuned to presence and mindfulness than others. They’re present with themselves and more likely to practice authenticity rather than lean on trends and social performance to feel a sense of comfort and peace.
That’s why it’s not surprising that high-IQ loners almost always demand a similar level of genuineness and authenticity from the people they know. They want deep conversations and connections with people that don’t revolve around fears of being perceived or wearing inauthentic social masks.
9. Respect for silence
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Many intelligent people need alone time and prefer solitude because they value silence. Not only is it important for them in conversations to have silence for regulating emotions and reflecting on what other people are saying, but it’s essential for solitude for a number of nuanced reasons.
Silence is good for them in many ways, from boosting brain health to improving self-esteem, and if they’re around people who don’t respect it, they’re not interested in cultivating a relationship.
10. Time efficiency
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Whether it’s showing up on time to show respect or managing tasks and time efficiently, high-IQ loners almost always expect these things from the people they know. For the most part, this is a relatively healthy boundary to have in life, but holding too tightly to rigid expectations without grace can keep people stuck in a lonely cycle.
Their intelligent brains may be naturally wired for efficiency, but sometimes it’s essential to give people grace who struggle with the same level of performance or time management.
11. Competency
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While intelligent people often show higher levels of competency across multiple avenues of life, according to a study published in Development and Psychopathology, it’s not impossible for the average person to cultivate a competent attitude.
It’s one of the things high-IQ loners expect from everyone in their lives, which can make it difficult to form surface-level connections and relationships with people who don’t meet this criterion. Whether it’s oversharing, accepting fake news as “fact,” or simply avoiding hard conversations entirely out of personal comfort, these are the things intelligent people often can’t stand.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
