People Who Want To Gossip About Your Life Almost Always Ask These 10 Questions When They Talk To You
ArkHawt / Shutterstock Not everyone has your best intentions at heart. While some friends truly are looking out for you, others are looking for an excuse to use your problems for their own entertainment. Because of this, people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask questions meant to glean as much information as possible for their own purposes when they talk to you.
They'll probably never be upfront with you about their intentions. Using vague language, you won't usually know what they're actually thinking until you hear from someone else that they've been talking about you behind your back. If you want to be more wary about who you invite into your inner circle, be on the lookout for these probing questions.
People who want to gossip about your life almost always ask these 10 questions when they talk to you
1. 'So, what's going on with you lately?'
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People who want to gossip about your life almost always ask, "So, what's going on with you lately," when they talk to you. On the surface, it might sound like they care. Not thinking much of it, you might be tempted to reveal everything. However, before you share your business with someone, be sure they are trustworthy. As Clinical Specialist in Child and Adolescent Counseling, Stephanie A. Sarkis, Ph.D., said, "They may mask their negative traits by being charming or friendly. Toxic people may be family members, friends, coworkers, employers, neighbors, or leaders of organizations."
So, even if you feel like they're trustworthy, think through what you want to reveal before discussing. In the moment, it's tempting to let your emotions guide you. However, the rule of thumb is never to say anything you wouldn't want others to know about you.
2. 'Are you still talking to so and so?'
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There's nothing wrong with a friend wanting to know who you associate with. If someone is truly close to you, knowing who you don't talk to can help them set better boundaries with that person. That being said, be careful not to reveal too much, as people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask the question, "Are you still talking to so and so?" when they talk to you.
You don't have to explain why you no longer talk to someone. Without revealing too much, it's usually better to keep things as simple as possible. From "Oh, we just went our separate ways" to "You know, I don't really want to discuss it," the more vague you are, the better it'll be.
3. 'How much did that cost?'
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Let's be honest. In no world should anyone be asking how much something costs. It doesn't matter how genuinely curious they are. For the average person, you don't go around looking at people's things and inquiring about the price. That being said, people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask the question, "How much did that cost?" when they talk to you.
No, they don't actually plan on buying the same thing. While they may be faking smiles, they really want to know if you make a lot of money. So, be very wary when discussing money in front of others. Especially at workplaces, what you reveal will either make or break your experience. As an industrial-organizational psychology practitioner, Amy Cooper Hakim, Ph.D., said, "Sharing your salary information with a co-worker may cause resentment."
4. 'Why did you and this person stop hanging out?'
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It's nobody's business who you hang out with or dish out to. While it's tempting to know all the juicy details, you should only reveal these details on your own terms. As it stands, people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask the question, "Why did you and this person stop hanging out?" when they talk to you. They don't actually care how you feel.
While they may look sympathetic, they're taking notes to go and talk about you to others. From twisting your words to starting more drama, it's not worth your mental health to rant to someone you know you can't trust fully. This is why you should always keep your answers brief and avoid saying anything that could bite you.
5. 'Did something happen?'
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Two types of people utter this phrase: those who care and those who are fishing. It isn't always easy to tell which is which. While your friends may look trustworthy on the outside, it isn't too far off to say that your greatest friend can also be your greatest hater. That being said, just because it's hard doesn't mean it's impossible. People who want to gossip about your life almost always ask, "Did something happen?" when they talk to you.
It's always good to check on someone you care about, but never trauma dump. Even if that person is trustworthy, trauma dumping tends to destroy friendships. As licensed psychotherapist Duygu Balan, LPCC, explained, "Trauma dumping can lead to your friends withdrawing from you, which can leave you feeling abandoned and lower your self-esteem and sense of self-worth." So, always keep it short and to the point, and save the trauma dumping for a professional.
6. 'Is it true that this happened?'
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It's a glaring red flag when someone comes up to you with a rumor about yourself. Whether they heard it in passing or not, the fact that someone feels comfortable enough to gossip about you around that person is a huge red flag that they aren't to be trusted. But if you truly want to know, people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask, "Is it true that this happened," when they talk to you.
While they might be faking concern, anyone who knows you and respects you understands your character. Never quick to drop your name, they'd rather say something along the lines of, "Hey, while passing by someone, I heard this about you. I thought you should know," rather than blindly believing nonsense. Of course, someone whose going to gossip about you already has your character distorted in their mind. This is why they ask, "Is this true?" rather than knowing it's not true.
7. 'What do you think of so and so?'
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Unless they're your best friend, it's best not to tell someone what you're thinking. Fake people who only have the worst intentions will pretend to be your best friend so they can get information out of you. Once they know everything they want to know, expect them to destroy your character with a smile on their face. It sounds cruel, but this is just how some gossip starters are. They don't care about you or your feelings, just what they can get out of you.
Unfortunately, this doesn't take them very far, as therapist Hannah Rose LCPC pointed out, "When we gossip, we are fertilizing our minds with toxicity and judgment. We are much more likely to scrutinize ourselves when we are busy scrutinizing others." That being said, be on the lookout. People who want to gossip about your life almost always ask the question, "What do you think of so and so," when they talk to you.
8. 'How's your relationship going?'
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There's nothing wrong with asking, "Hey, how are you and so and so doing?" For many, it's a default question they ask out of courtesy. That being said, people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask the question, "How's your relationship going?" when they want to talk to you. They don't actually care about your relationship and if you guys are doing well.
In typical gossiper fashion, they're asking because they are hoping you'll reveal juicy details they can gossip about later with other people who hate you. It isn't kind, however, gossipers aren't known to be the kindest. Filled with insecurity, they put others down to feel good about themselves. Even so, gossipers never truly win in the end. As life coach and life/social science researcher Jeremy E. Sherman, Ph.D., said, "Addiction to hypocrisy that limits our ability to adapt and learn is its greatest long-term cost to us." This is why they're bitter. While everyone keeps moving forward, they're the cause of their own stagnation.
9. 'What's your side of the story?'
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Everyone has their own version of the truth. Depending on the role they played, their side of the truth can vary greatly. That being said, the coolest person you know probably doesn't engage in back-and-forths. While they're willing to hear you out, they don't go out of their way to fish for details.
However, people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask the question, "What's your side of the story," when they talk to you. No, they don't actually care about what role you played. Using everything you said, they'll twist your words and turn them against you.
Even if they smile in your face, expect these individuals to gossip about you with others, effectively making you look bad in the process. This is why it's always best to be careful with what you say. Otherwise, it may be used against you.
10. 'Do you trust them?'
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Finally, people who want to gossip about your life almost always ask the question, "Do you trust them?" when they talk to you. On the surface, it may sound like they're getting your advice on something. Smiling in your face, you probably feel tempted to give a raw, unfiltered answer.
However, before you say what's on your mind, take a second to think about your response and to keep your emotions in check. As a previous marriage and family therapist and coach, John Amodeo, Ph.D., MFT, said, "But what we may overlook is how our emotional tone is often more important than our choice of words." So, always think things through and never put your foot in your mouth.
In the moment, it's tempting to rave about how much you distrust or don't like someone. However, if you don't want that person finding out, it's better to say, "I'm neutral," or "I haven't come to a conclusion yet."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
