If Your Partner Avoids These 11 Simple Questions, Something Is Off In Your Relationship
Silence isn’t always golden. Sometimes, it's a red flag.
PeopleImages / Shutterstock Ah, relationships. They are a constant puzzle. Where do you stand? What does your partner think? What do they want? It can all be hard to tell. What your partner says can often give you a ton of insight, but only to a point.
Sometimes, what you don’t talk about is as important as what you do. If your partner avoids all these questions and topics, chances are high that there’s something really, really wrong with your relationship.
If your partner avoids these 11 simple questions, something is off in your relationship
1. “Where are we headed?”
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If you want to watch an uncommitted guy sweat, just sit him down and ask him where you two are headed. Commitment is absolutely terrifying to a person who doesn’t actually want to be with you long-term.
Most people who are dealing with major issues in their relationship are thinking of breaking it off, not getting more committed. People who are planning their exit don’t want to be hounded for commitment either.
A person who wants to be with you long-term will make it known, period. If they’re avoiding that talk, they’re likely trying to move on.
2. “Where do you see us moving? Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?”
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Speaking of commitment, it’s important to check out what your partner isn’t saying about future plans. If you’re noticing an increased number of plans that appear to be solo coming from your partner, then you might already know they’re starting to view their future as a solo opportunity.
Truth be told, if they’re at the point where they’re making lots of plans without you in them, you may want to hit the pause button. Now would be a good time to ask them what’s going on and if they want to continue the relationship at all.
3. “Can we have a little snuggle time?”
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I’ll say it before, and I’ll say it again: intimacy is a canary in a relationship coal mine. If you’ve noticed that your partner no longer wants snuggle time and seems to quash any opportunity to bring it up, that’s a very bad sign.
Physical intimacy is normal in a healthy relationship. If your partner stopped wanting to touch you, it often means they are trying to put physical and emotional distance between you. Putting the kibosh on physical fun can also indicate that they’re upset about something or deeply put off by you.
No matter how you slice it or dice it, it’s not a good sign.
4. ‘Is it okay if I tag along?’
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When a person is in love, they always want you to tag along with them on any adventure they go on. With that said, even the most “glued at the hip” person needs their own personal space. It only becomes problematic when you get the specific feeling that you’re not wanted when your partner is going out with friends.
If you start to notice your partner getting increasingly annoyed when you ask to come with them on certain outings or when they meet with certain people, this could be a sign of infidelity. Or, it could be a sign that your partner’s friends don’t like you.
5. ‘Can we please talk about that friend whom I shouldn’t be worried about?’
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We all know that meme about the person your partner tells you “not to worry about,” or that they’re “just a friend.” When a person is cheating on their significant other, they tend to be totally quiet about anything to do with the person.
If you try to ask about that individual, you might notice your partner quickly silencing conversations about them. It’s their way of maintaining control over the narrative and keeping you out of the loop.
6. ‘What’s going on with our finances?’
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Did you know that money is the number one thing most people argue about as a couple? It’s true. It’s a leading cause of divorce, too. The truth is that finances tend to be one of those topics that can be a great source of shame for certain people, or a smoking gun for those who are cheating.
If your partner won’t talk about finances, it’s likely because they’re either ashamed of their income or hiding a major problem with money. Financial infidelity is a thing, and it can ruin your future. In other words, if you can’t get information about your joint bank accounts, you might be in deep trouble.
7. ‘How’s your extended family doing? Are we meeting up with them soon?’
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Most people in deeply committed relationships will give you a heads-up if their family wants to meet, if someone passes away, or if there are new updates within their extended family. The idea is simple: if they’re committed to you, those folks are your family too.
If your partner went no-contact with their family, it’s different. However, if they are still heavily connected but lock you out, something isn’t right.
8. ‘How’s your job going?’
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We spend about a third of our waking time on the job, assuming a 9-to-5 schedule. If your partner has a full-time career they’ve always been passionate about, be careful when you notice a sudden silence on all work-related topics.
There have been many cases when this was due to a job loss, and people didn’t want to tell their partner. It can also be something more alarming, such as an illicit job or even criminal activity.
9. ‘How many times have I told you not to leave the dishes in the sink?’
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A lot of people talk about how awful it is to come home to a partner who complains and nags, but there’s a major silver lining to that nagging. A person who is still trying to nag you into improving yourself is a person who still believes in you and is invested in you.
If your once-naggy partner stopped trying to get you to move the dishes to the washer or stopped complaining, don’t assume things are better. This is often a sign of Walkaway Wife (or Husband) Syndrome.
Walkaway Wives are women who have nagged, begged, and pleaded for years for certain things to change and improve. After years of being ignored, Walkaway Wives realize things won’t change and just leave, never complaining again.
10. ‘What’s that new game you’re playing?’
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There’s something to be said about a partnership where you feel encouraged to evolve and grow as a person. In a healthy relationship, that’s the standard way you should feel. In a negative relationship, you might feel stifled, as if there will be a blowback or judgment if you try something new.
If your partner seems to be afraid to tell you about their new interests, that’s a sign that they feel like they need to “walk on eggshells” for one reason or another.
11. ‘Is it okay if we talk about Little Timmy’s outburst at school?’
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Finally, let’s kick out the other major warning sign where silence can be a disaster waiting to happen: children. If you have kids and you’re noticing warning signs or issues, you need to be able to talk to your partner about this.
If your partner refuses to discuss major behavior problems or issues with how they’re raising their kids, that can and will become incredibly problematic for your relationship. Depending on the issue, it can show a lack of respect for you as a teammate or putting the welfare of the family at risk.
Simply put, parenting is one of those things that demands communication from everyone involved. If he or she is shutting you out, that bodes poorly for your relationship in the long term.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
