Men Who Pull Away When Things Get Serious Usually Have Several Of These 10 Reasons
LightField Studios / Shutterstock Most women have had the experience of being ghosted. It’s a rude, callous, brutal thing to deal with. It often starts with a gentle pulling away, usually when things are getting serious. We've all seen the weird one-word messages, heard the palpable silence on the phone, and felt that ugly feeling that he’s trying to push you away. Then poof, he’s gone. He ghosted. Sometimes, it’s worse because you made plans. You don’t even realize you’re ghosted until he stops replying the day of your date. You’re left hurt, betrayed, and abandoned.
Did you ever wish you could weed out guys who did this? You (sometimes) can. Men who tend to pull away when things get serious often share some common reasons. If you want to avoid more almost-serious ghosters, watch for these common signs.
Men who pull away when things get serious usually have several of these 10 reasons
1. They don't really want to be in a relationship
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Men who pull away when things get serious have often already said they're not looking for a relationship. When a man tells you that they don’t want a relationship, believe them. There are many reasons why a man might not want a relationship, including not being ready for one at all or just not being into a relationship with you.
The truth is, they probably made it clear from the beginning that things would go this way. That’s why they often pull away or outright ghost when they notice you pressuring them for a relationship. If he’s already said he’s not down for the cause, that’s your sign that he will run when you ask for commitment. It’s not you. It’s him.
2. They are conflict-avoidant
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Confrontations are something men like this avoid at almost all costs. Men who are conflict-avoidant are more likely to ghost or just smile and go with the flow until they can’t do it anymore. This means that a guy who has this personality type will often keep going out with a girl he doesn’t really want to commit to, simply because it’s easier than breaking up.
A man who pulls away from a relationship when commitment is on the table is afraid of backlash. Conflict terrifies him, but so does being with the wrong woman. Pulling away is his last line of defense.
3. They have an avoidant attachment style
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Understanding attachment styles is all the rage these days. People with certain attachment styles are less likely to pull away than others. One of the worst when it comes to pulling away and ghosting is an avoidant attachment style
People with an avoidant attachment style do exactly what the name suggests: just about anything they can to avoid intimacy. Louise Hartnett, BA, states that “avoidant people are more likely to ghost romantic partners than those with any other attachment style because distancing themselves keeps them safe – even if they’re doing it unconsciously.”
4. They are overly confident
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In many cases, men who pull away when things get serious think they're too good for the women they date. Much of dating tends to feel a little bit like a marketplace. Everyone wants to commit to the best possible partner, which means there’s some pressure to keep their options open.
Men who pull away when things get serious often think they should keep their options open. Committing to someone takes all the other options off the table, so they tend to pull away because they think they can do better.
5. They are easily overwhelmed by emotions
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You might notice that they tend to get overwhelmed with emotions, choosing to retreat to avoid making a scene
Men don’t always process emotions the same way as women. While women tend to talk things out, men tend to prefer time alone with their thoughts. Men who are emotionally immature will often shut down or bail to process things.
If this is the case, you might hear they need a little space. With that said, it’s often a sign that he probably isn’t actually capable of being in a committed relationship when he returns. After all, do you really want to deal with a guy who randomly withdraws whenever stuff doesn’t go his way?
6. They are attention-seeking
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This has been my experience with men lately: most men aren’t so interested in relationships as they are in validation. In other words, they need praise. They need to feel attractive, so they’ll woo plenty of women. The problem is that they don’t actually like the women enough to commit.
It is not the fault of the women they woo. It’s their endless, narcissistic desire for validation that’s at fault. Psychologists note that many of these guys can’t even figure out why they want the validation. In fact, it’s often due to other things lacking in their lives.’
7. They have unhealed issues
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To a point, this has become a trope in the online dating world. A man who has very bad luck in dating is often the epitome of “Once bitten, twice shy.” Men who have fallen for the wrong woman tend to take longer to heal.
If a man hasn’t taken the time to heal properly after a relationship, they may end up pulling away out of fear. They may not want to get hurt again, and they might have realized they were in over their heads when they started to fall for you.
8. They are serial players
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Some men who pull away when things get serious may also have a reputation for being a player. Is this man the type of person who is known for cheating? Does he have a past that involves cheating? If you’ve found him on a group like “Are We Dating The Same Guy,” you might want to back away from him.
Serial cheaters are likely to pull away from people when they see that a particular partner is getting too attached for their liking. The reason why is pretty obvious: players don’t want to deal with the fallout of a woman who goes berserk after he’s caught chatting up someone else.
9. They are afraid of commitment
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A male friend of mine said something pretty poignant about most men: they are afraid of committing to the wrong person. A man who pulls away just as things are getting serious is a man who might be hitting the pause button to think about where the relationship could go.
They often pull away when they start thinking about long-term changes they may make. If he feels controlled, smothered, or otherwise incompatible, that sudden departure might be the beginning of the end.
10. They don't get close to anyone
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Some men who pull away when things get serious may not have deep friendships, either. The straight truth about people who can’t handle talking about a relationship is that they’re not very good friends, either. All relationships, whether they’re platonic or romantic, require communication. They require talking about the hard stuff and occasionally getting awkward about certain issues.
People who back away once a relationship becomes serious are also the ones who tend to have shallow friendships. The reason is simple: shallow relationships are easy relationships. They don’t get weird or awkward. Shallow relationships stay shallow, and people distance themselves the moment that things get tough.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
