The Best Possible Way To Respond When The Person You're Into Pulls Away

Confront the problem head on, but do it the right way.

man pulling away while woman holds onto his suspenders Lex0077 / Shutterstock

If you've been seeing someone for a while, it can feel frustrating and confusing when they suddenly pull away out of nowhere.

And when this happens, most of us blame ourselves for their distant behavior. "It must've been something we said or did," we think carelessly.

Regardless of their reasoning, how you react matters. And blowing up their phone, questioning their behavior, or pulling away in response isn't your best move.


woman looking at her phone waiting for a text or call Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock

Dating coach Sabrina Zohar shares the best approach to take when the person you're dating begins to seems like they may be ghosting you.

RELATED: What To Do Immediately When You Feel Him Pulling Away (Don't Panic!)

The Best Way To Respond When The Person You're Into Pulls Away

When the person you're dating begins to pull away it's easy to let our anxiety get the best of you. You might begin to wonder what's going on and what you can do to 'make things better.' After all, they were fine just a week ago. So, what gives?


Well, what tends to happen is people believe they're ready for a relationship. They believe they're ready for intimacy and emotional vulnerability. Yet, when things get a little too real they begin to pull away. They allow their fears and insecurities to get the better of them.

According to Zohar, the best thing you can do when they begin to pull away is to simply have a conversation with them.

Zohar says, "Stop texting somebody our vibe feels off I'm confused." Just pick up the phone and call them. Have that adult conversation and be honest with what you're picking up.


Say, "Hey, I've been noticing a shift in our dynamic lately. Am I correct in assuming that?" If they deny it then you can check to see if their actions and words align. But, if they confirm it then it'll be much easier to move on.

But as Zohar says, "Stop with the games. You don't need to now spend longer to text them back or do this to get that."

RELATED: 3 Things You Should Never Do If You Feel Him Pulling Away


Now, understandably, this might be tough to do. It's hard to have those tough conversations and it's hard to be vulnerable with someone you don't really know.

So, if you're struggling with vulnerability here's what you can do according to clinical psychologist Jennifer Caspari.

Two Things You Can Do To Be Comfortable Getting Vulnerable

1. Practice self-compassion

When we are in the middle of our anxiety it's all too easy to be hard on yourself. We think about everything we did wrong and make mountains out of mole hills.

But, this is exactly why practicing self-compassion is super important. Reminding yourself that you're okay and that you're perfectly imperfect can go a long way, says Caspari.


2. Learn about yourself

Now, I get that we want to fix the situation, but fixing it won't matter if it compromises your values. Let's not forget, that dating isn't supposed to be your life rather it's supposed to add to your life.

So, spend some time learning about yourself. What are your needs in this relationship? What are your preferences and opinions about the person you're dating? Moreover, is this connection fueling you or causing you to feel drained?

RELATED: People In Long-Lasting Relationships Always Have This One Emotional Quality


Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.