11 Things Dumb Men Almost Always Do To Lose Their Wives & Kids
fast-stock | Shutterstock Every person is different and navigates their closest relationships in incredibly nuanced ways, but there’s also an element of societal norms and gender stereotypes that sometimes sabotage men’s ability to cultivate strong relationships. From struggling to ask for and accept mental health support to relying on women partners for emotional labor, some institutional and societal pressures add tension and disconnection to their marriages and families.
However, there are also many things dumb men almost always do to lose their wives and kids. From leveraging emotional manipulation to weaponizing their own incompetence and ignorance, these things are largely intentional, supporting personal comfort and convenience over strong, connected relationships and supporting others.
Here are 11 things dumb men almost always do to lose their wives and kids
1. They weaponize incompetence
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Considering women already largely bear the burden for the majority of household and emotional labor in their families and relationships, despite often working and earning the same as their male partners, it’s no surprise that a husband’s tactic of weaponizing incompetence leads to big consequences. Not only does it urge women to “do more” at home without any extra recognition or support, but it also pushes them emotionally farther away.
These men pretend like they don’t know how to do something, or do it poorly so they don’t have to put in effort around things like childcare and chores. But those tasks and responsibilities don’t simply go away. They’re just shifted and usually go to women in the household.
As a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests, disengagement, like avoiding balance in relationships and a lack of care from one partner, is detrimental. Experts call it the “point of no return” for a reason.
2. They minimize their partner’s needs
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Instead of creating a necessary safe space to express concerns and emotions, a “dumb” man who cares more about protecting his own “peace” without needing to take responsibility for anything will often minimize and invalidate their partner’s needs. They write them off as “nagging” and blame-shift to make their wives feel guilty for expressing hurt or concerns at all.
Not only does this feeling of invalidation spark more general negativity in their lives and relationships, but it also cultivates more stress for their wives and children. If a husband being at home makes life more stressful and negative than it needs to be for everyone, especially if it’s affecting their wife’s well-being and their kids’ health, of course they’re going to lose their families.
3. They equate providership to presence
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Considering many men are pressured and socialized from a young age to be “providers” and “protectors” in their relationships and families, it’s not surprising that it plays such a strong role in their development. They enter adulthood assuming that making money and protecting their families from harm is all they need to do to live a “successful” life.
However, the truth is that no healthy relationship thrives without a foundation of trust, balance, vulnerability, and emotional connection. If a husband refuses to be vulnerable and uses phrases like “you wouldn’t survive without me” to justify his disengagement, he’s only pressuring his family to feel guilty for their own hurt.
4. They prioritize their own comfort
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According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, emotionally unregulated, impulsive people have a greater tendency to seek out instant gratification and comfort in their lives over growth and change. That’s why prioritizing comfort is one of the dumb things men almost always do to lose their wives and kids.
They put their own comfort and need for convenience above traditionally uncomfortable things like working through conflict, showing up to emotionally support others, and having hard conversations. However, those things are necessary to ensure people feel heard, valued, and seen. To have and nurture a healthy family dynamic, everyone needs to be willing to set their needs and comfort aside every once in a while to show up.
5. They ‘babysit’ their own kids
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While there are plenty of balanced relationships and truly supportive, engaged fathers out in the world, some "dumb" men still uphold the stereotype around disengaged, disconnected predecessors. They expect their wives and the mothers of their children to do the majority of household labor and childcare, despite working the same number of hours.
They claim that they’re “babysitting” their kids, despite being their parents, and guilt their wives into expecting them to step up when their workload gets too heavy. These are the things some men almost always do to lose their wives and kids, because at some point, mothers can’t do it all.
6. They speak negatively about their family to ‘bond’ with friends
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While it’s true that “gossip” can sometimes cultivate stronger bonds between people, if it’s coming at the expense of trust in a marriage or a loved one’s reputation, there’s simply no way to justify it. From spreading lies to sharing overly personal details, dumb men who speak negatively about their families to “bond” with friends or feel a sense of belonging with miserable peers will inevitably lose their wives and kids.
If you can’t trust your partner to speak positively behind your back, think about all the other things that he’s likely doing at your expense.
7. They refuse to change
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While some men refuse to go to therapy because of pressure from misguided expectations of “masculinity” or social norms to be invulnerable, some are operating from a place of sheer ego. They don’t want someone else to tell them what to do or to feel “weak” in the face of opportunities for growth. They don’t want to take accountability for their mistakes.
While avoiding mental health support might feel comforting to them in the moment, offering them the sense of control they’re yearning for in their relationships, these are only the things dumb men do to lose their wives and kids. At some point, the mentality that protecting their ego by avoiding repair will only disconnect them from everyone in their lives.
8. They expect endless loyalty without building trust
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Many men, who are operating from a place of ego, expect their wives and kids to follow their every demand and suppress their own needs in favor of their personal comfort. Essentially, they expect endless loyalty without building trust or putting in any effort themselves.
However, without trust, no healthy relationship is going to thrive. Someone, usually the wives in these situations or their children, is going to live in a state of constant fear and anxiety, worrying about when they’re going to be blamed or punished for putting their own welfare first.
9. They don’t notice their wives’ disengagement
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At some point, when a wife is being treated poorly and taking on too much stress from carrying the relationship, they’re not going to be able to tolerate it anymore. At some point, they’re going to grow disconnected and disengaged from the relationship, not only for their emotional sanity, but for their physical health and their kids’ health.
While it might be obvious to these women that the relationship and household is suffering without their constant energy, dumb men who inevitably lose their kids and wives hardly notice when their wives stop caring. It’s just another reminder that they’re not emotionally tapped into the family dynamic or that they don’t care enough to do anything about it.
10. They lack curiosity about their family
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Curiosity isn’t just a pillar of intelligence, as a study from Neuron suggests. It’s also what bonds people closer in relationships and cultivates trust. If you’re never interested in learning more about your partner or being curious about your children’s lives, you’re going to be inherently disconnected for life.
This lack of curiosity is one of the things dumb men almost always have that ensures they’ll lose their kids. They feed into one-sided relationships that inevitably burn out and exhaust their loved ones, leaving them entirely alone.
11. They invalidate any opinion that differs from their own
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Especially with children, who tend to grow up and develop different belief systems from the ones they were raised in, a parent who refuses to make room for hard conversations and differing opinions can break down the family structure. According to a study from Psychology and Aging, it’s one of the top reasons why tension develops between adult kids and their parents, and sometimes, even leads to estrangement.
Emotionally intelligent, present fathers and husbands will make space to support and hear out their loved ones, even if they don’t agree with what they’re saying. However, these types of ignorant men believe that their opinions are inherently “right” or “correct,” and take others as a personal attack.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
