You Can Spot A Man Who Was Raised By A Bad Dad By These 11 Pretty Obvious Behaviors
EugeneEdge / Shutterstock Growing up with a healthy father figure is extremely important for men. Without a male role model to help guide him through the ups and downs of manhood, a man will struggle with understanding his emotions, building healthy relationships, and he will have a warped idea of himself.
It isn't hard to spot a man who was raised by a bad dad. He will usually display behaviors that signal he was not treated well growing up and wasn't given the kind of masculine guidance he needed. Men who have experienced this kind of childhood should not hesitate to seek professional help to regain control of their lives and no longer allow their father’s mistakes to dictate how they live.
You can spot a man who was raised by a bad dad by these 11 pretty obvious behaviors
1. He can't maintain structure
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Childhood trauma that results when a man is raised by a bad dad is very likely to have a psychological impact on him and cause him to experience challenges as an adult. A man who was raised poorly will likely have a hard time maintaining structure, being organized, and sticking to a routine.
A 2021 study found that children who are treated poorly while growing up are more likely to struggle with their executive function in adulthood. This means that they will have more difficulty completing tasks, planning goals, and maintaining structured routines and organizations due to a disruption in the development of key regions of their brain that are responsible for these functions.
2. He hides his emotions
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A father is supposed to act as a role model for their sons. The way they behave while raising their children has a major, lasting impact on their children’s future behavior. A man who was raised by a bad father is much more likely to practice emotional restraint.
Research shows that when a man was raised by a father who was never nurturing and was always emotionally distant, he will also be likely to have a strained relationship with his emotions. When fathers allow their perception of masculinity to drive the way they parent, it teaches their children that emotions and masculinity do not align, and their sons, especially, will start feeling like they can’t control their emotions properly, and they can’t be vulnerable about their struggles.
3. He feels like a boy pretending to be a man
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When a man grows up with a bad father who is emotionally unavailable or absent most of the time, he is more likely to struggle with his identity and self-worth as an adult. When he does not have a healthy male figure to look up to, he will grow up feeling doubtful of himself, and he will develop a misunderstanding of masculinity.
Men who grew up with bad fathers who may have been aggressive at times will usually struggle with having to become a man while still being a boy in order to protect themselves while living in a toxic environment, according to a study published in the National Library of Medicine. Having to grow up too quickly and experience toxic parenting never allows a man to develop his identity and relish being a boy during his adolescence. As a result, he may struggle to feel like a man in adulthood, as if he is just pretending to be a man, similar to how he felt as a child.
4. He hides when there is pressure
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Growing up in a traumatic environment with toxic parents shapes the way that individuals handle their emotions and certain situations as adults. When a man was raised by a bad dad, he will likely develop coping mechanisms to avoid pressure and conflict.
Studies have shown that childhood trauma greatly impacts the way individuals manage stress as adults. A man who experienced childhood trauma will shut down when there is stressful pressure, and even their heart rate will take a longer time to gradually recover from being exposed to stress.
5. He gets defensive about feedback
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Being raised by a parent who is overly critical can deeply impact the response a child has to feedback, even in adulthood. A man who was raised by a father who was always critical and never proud will likely get defensive when presented with constructive feedback.
As a child, he always felt like he needed to have his guard up, so that kind of behavior might follow him into his adulthood. He still carries the feeling of being attacked for who he is or what he does, so he will still practice the same defensive mechanisms that he did when he was younger.
6. He can't keep promises
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Trust issues and not having healthy relationship models while growing up will influence the way a person handles keeping promises. When a man was raised by a father who was inconsistent in his commitments, it will be hard for him to believe that not everyone is untrustworthy.
A father has to be involved and dedicate time to their children’s lives. When they fail to do so, their sons especially lack the fatherly guidance they need, and it increases the possibility of their sons developing serious mental struggles like anxiety and depression. A father has to be willing to commit to their sons, and if they fail to do so, their sons will also struggle with commitment.
7. He moves through life without a path
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Men who were raised by bad fathers will lack direction in their lives. This will heavily impact the way they form relationships with others, and they will struggle with knowing how to manage their emotions and overcome negative self-thoughts.
Studies have shown that sons who grow up without healthy, fatherly role models tend to struggle with understanding their emotions and knowing how to navigate life by practicing healthy masculinity. Due to this, they will feel as though they are moving through life without a true path, and it will negatively impact their overall well-being.
8. He always feels alone
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When a son experiences a strained relationship with his father growing up, that dynamic carries over into every aspect of his adult life. Being raised by a bad dad will leave him struggling with trust issues, and building relationships with other people will be increasingly more difficult.
Having difficulties attaching to others and building healthy relationships as an adult will cause him to feel like he is always alone, even when he is surrounded by other people. They may develop a fear of abandonment due to their father’s mistreatment toward them, which makes it hard to trust spouses and feel reassured in their relationships.
9. He is either passive or controlling
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Being raised by a bad parent will usually leave a negative impact on the tendencies and behaviors individuals develop as they get older. If a man had a bad father, he may find himself swinging between very passive and very controlling tendencies, but rarely do his behaviors fall in between.
This is often due to the insecure attachment styles that this man will likely develop when the relationship with his father is unhealthy. When a man feels a poor attachment to his father, he will take this into other relationships, and research has shown that this typically leads to delinquent behaviors, like being overly controlling.
10. He finds ways to numb himself
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If a man grew up with a father who was absent and/or emotionally distant, he is more likely to find ways to numb himself and indulge in coping mechanisms. The ways in which many of these individuals choose to numb themselves are usually quite dangerous and can ultimately add additional stress to their mental health.
According to research, individuals who grew up dealing with maltreatment from a parent will be mentally impacted by the trauma they endured. The study suggests that people struggling with their mental health should consider component-based psychotherapy to help them overcome. They mainly suggest this coping mechanism because it helps victims of bad parenting have the opportunity to truly process and work through the traumatic memories they hold.
11. He constantly avoids responsibility
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When a man was raised by a bad dad, he will likely develop a difficulty with taking responsibility for things. If his father made him feel neglected while growing up and contributed to him developing a poor sense of self-worth, he will develop a fear of failure in his adulthood.
Studies have shown that these individuals will struggle with expressing the emotions that they have, especially the ones that relate to the relationship they had with their father. This influences them to use denial as a coping mechanism, and instead of seeking out opportunities and responsibilities that would help them better themselves, they choose to avoid these things in order to avoid facing their feelings and potential failure.
While bad parenting, especially from their fathers, negatively affects a man's life substantially, there are things that they can do to help themselves work through the overwhelming and traumatic feelings they have built up from their childhood. Talking to a professional and dedicating time to therapy are two major things a man can do to start feeling better in his life.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
