Parents Who Say These 11 Phrases To Their Adult Kids Usually Get Lots & Lots Of Visits
Inside Creative House / Shutterstock We’ve all heard stories about toxic parents. When they make negative comments about them, it can lead to zero visits. Most parents want to see their adult children often. Only the best ones get these frequent visits.
Parents who have always been positive to their children may see them more than those who were not. Maintaining a close bond with your parents as you age isn’t always easy. They may pressure you to be more successful or start a family. Those who are more accepting and allow their children to move at their own pace are more likely to receive frequent visits. Bonds are formed around positive connections. When they are saying these things to their children, they know they’re going to see them more than the average parent would.
Parents who say these 11 phrases to their adult kids usually get lots & lots of visits
1. ‘I’m proud of you’
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Some parents are guilty of putting pressure on their children for achievement. This is where they are forceful about their children succeeding. They may punish them if they do not meet the standards they set. When a child grows up in a more supportive household, you can expect their parents to receive more visits. When they tell you they are proud of you, rather than the flaws they see in you, it can make all the difference.
Parents who are hard on their children may wonder why they do not get as many visits. It’s simple: the child may feel stressed being in their presence. It’s as if they are not good enough. When families are supportive, their adult children will likely spend more time with them. They feel nurtured and loved.
2. 'Move at your own speed'
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Whether it’s examples from TV sitcoms or real-life experience, we are all familiar with parents who place high expectations on their children’s success. They want to see them reach the top of their career field as quickly as possible. Of course, this is proof that they care. However, this pressure can be a burden. When adult children feel they are moving too slowly to please their parents, it can put a wedge between them.
It’s not only career success they can push for. Many parents want to become grandparents. If you’re married, they may be pushy, asking when you will have children. If you’re not married, they will urge you to settle down quickly. Parents who see their parents often are unlikely to experience this. Instead, their parents encourage them to move at their own pace. Life is a sprint, not a marathon. They just want you to be happy. They respect boundaries and autonomy.
3. ‘No pressure’
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Sometimes, parents can put pressure on their children not only to succeed, but to come visit them. It’s natural for parents to want their children to visit them, no matter how old they are. What holds them back from getting what they want can be how pushy they may be. Life happens, and adult children have their own responsibilities. If parents are more open and accepting of their schedule, they usually get more visits.
A Pew Research survey found that 59% of young adults rate their relationship with their parents as extraordinary or very good. When there is a lack of pressure on them, it can make maintaining a relationship easier.
4. ‘You don’t have to explain yourself’
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We all make mistakes. It could be something simple, like missing a phone call or a bigger risk like walking away from a well-paying job for something that didn’t pan out. Whatever happens, parents who maintain a strong relationship with their adult children support them. Even if you dodge their call, they won’t expect you to explain yourself. They respect your personal choices.
Parents and adult children have to maintain boundaries. They need healthy expectations for each other. When a parent often says, ‘You don’t have to explain yourself,’ they are respecting your choices and opinions.
5. ‘Tell me more if you’d like’
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Sometimes, an adult parent can put pressure on their children to share everything with them. Of course, they expect to be looped in on the important things going on in their lives. However, we all know parents who have been guilty of prying. When they constantly seek more information from their child that their child isn’t interested in sharing, it can strain their relationship. If an adult child knows they can be open with their parents on their own terms, they may be open to sharing more information. They don’t feel pressured to tell them everything. If they do, it’s because they want to.
Parents are more involved in their adult children’s lives than ever. Some children are happy to share every move in their lives. When they don’t feel pressured and are only encouraged to tell more if they are comfortable, they likely visit often.
6. ‘Bring your partner’
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Adult children want their parents to accept their partnership. Sadly, that is not always the case. Whether they think you deserve better or are not impressed by this person’s level of success, it is discouraging when they do not want to be around the person they love. Instead of welcoming them with open arms, they may not want them around. It’s not easy to visit when your parents disapprove of your partner.
If parents are more accepting and often say, ‘Bring your partner’ when they plan something with you, your relationship may be more positive. You’ll want to visit them more because they are kind to the person you love. Giving their children’s partners a chance shows they care, and they will likely receive more visits.
7. ‘We love you’
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Adult children need support from their parents, no matter how old they are. Sometimes, older adults may struggle with sharing their emotions. They may have a hard time connecting with their children or expect them to know they love them without saying it. Instead of focusing on the negatives or what they are not accomplishing, parents with good relationships with their adult children always say they love them. They know it’s important to say it out loud.
“Children do not outgrow the desire to hear that they are loved. And while the words do not expire if they’ve been said in the past, they carry new importance each and every time they are spoken,” says Sarah Epstein, LMFT.
8. ‘We love spending time with you’
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Reassurance is important. When parents expect their adult children to visit whenever they want them to, it can feel like a demand. Instead of showing appreciation for taking time out of their busy schedule to spend with them, they can treat them as if they had no other choice. A parent who tells their adult children that they love spending time with them can make them feel loved and appreciated. They will visit more because they feel appreciated.
When you are told how loved you are, it can encourage you to spend more time with them. It can create a more special bond.
9. ‘You don’t owe us anything’
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Have your parents ever told them you owed them something? Was it because they put so much effort into raising you, and how well you were taken care of? Whatever the line may be, parents can be guilty of putting too much stress on their adult children. They may expect you to drop everything to spend time with them, and refuse to be understanding when you say no. Parents like this may rarely get visits from their children.
You do not owe your life to your parents. It can feel like you do because of all they have done for you, but you should also live your own life. Parents who respect this and never tell their children they owe them something may be more likely to receive visits.
10. ‘I could be wrong’
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Some parents see no fault in their behaviors. Whether it’s how they speak to you or the assumptions they make, not every adult is capable of admitting their downfalls. Though some people may believe they are, no one is right all of the time. If a parent constantly blames their children or refuses to admit that the information they share may be incorrect, it can strain the relationship. No one wants to be around someone like this.
When adult children hear their parents say, ‘I could be wrong,’ they are open to having a conversation. Instead of being stuck in their ways, they want to hear their child’s perspective. Being open-minded makes them more receptive not only to ideas, but also to their children. These parents will likely see their children more often, as they know they can have mature conversations with them.
11. ‘We understand you’re busy’
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As you get older, life becomes more hectic. Adult children who no longer live at home are likely juggling many responsibilities. Between work, relationships, and maintaining their own household, it can feel like there aren’t enough hours in a day. When you’re moving a mile a minute, you may not always have time to do certain things, even if they are important to you. It could be that you see your parents less and less over time, which may be hurtful not only to them but also to you. When they make you feel guilty, it’s stressful.
Parents of adult children who visit them often are more understanding of their schedules. They understand that other things may come up and take precedence. Whatever it may be, an understanding parent will see their children more. They accept them for who they are, and whatever their schedule may be.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
