11 Subtle Ways Parents Let Their Adult Children Know They Approve Of Their Life Choices
They may be proud of you, but they also may not know how to express it.
Justlight / Shutterstock If your parents are anything like mine, their love doesn't look like grand gestures or over-the-top declarations. It can be quiet and gentle, or strict and assertive. When we do things that make our parents proud as adults, they express it in ways that might look different from what we might expect.
As a parent of grown men, there is nothing more satisfying and relieving than seeing that they have chosen a good life for themselves. We do our best to make sure they know how proud we are of them, but the most telltale signs are found in the smallest, most tender moments. They quietly tell our adult children, and we appreciate the steps they have taken to do well in life.
Here are 11 subtle ways parents let their adult children know they approve of their life choices
1. They brag about you whether you're there or not
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We all know a super proud parent when we see one. We may never have met their adult child, but we know all about their accomplishments. Your name comes up in conversations at work, amongst neighbors, with relatives, and with random people like your mother's mailman. You might not hear it directly, but when your parents approve of your choices, they are vocal about it.
Behind closed doors, your name is dripping with pride. It might be a passing comment about what you're working on now, or a glowing story about the type of person you are. Either way, your parents' faces light up at your very mention, and they couldn't be prouder.
2. They ask for your input
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You know for sure that your parents are proud of you when they ask for your opinion on big decisions. They respect your judgment and admire the way you live your life, so they make you a key advisor in their life. Whether it's financial choices, emotional advice, or something as minor as what color to paint a wall, what you think matters, and for parents, that is a huge deal.
If your mom or dad calls for advice before they take action, you know that over time, your roles have shifted from just a parent-child dynamic to one of friendship and trust. They quietly began to see you as a reliable source of information and upgraded your position in their life.
3. They stop asking about 'Plan B'
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We all know the harrowing stories of children who set out to do something unconventional with their lives. Their parents may have supported them, but often asked what they would do if Plan A did not work out in their favor. You know for certain that your parents are proud when they stop inquiring about your backup plan. They realize you did what you said you would, and the just-in-case options are all but forgotten.
When the people who raised you finally see that they were successful, they no longer bring up getting a more stable career, moving to a different city, or taking a safer path. They know that you are keenly aware of your strengths and weaknesses and know how to maximize your life. They have stopped seeing your decisions as risky and started viewing them as brave.
4. They show interest in your world
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Not every child had parents who showed up to support everything they even thought about doing. They were busy and human, so sometimes, they had to weigh the value of attending. They might not have taken what you did seriously, so they didn't really invest. You grow up, and you stick to your passions, so their eyes start to open, realizing you are really doing it.
Then your parents get curious. They want to support you in any way they can, so they venture into your unfamiliar world, intent on learning what makes their child tick. This is a serious sign of approval on their part. Instead of criticizing you, they lean in and get to know you better than ever. They ask questions and show interest in the person who has grown up to make them very proud.
5. They defend your choices
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Sure, your parents stayed on your back about the choices they didn't agree with before. But there is no way they are going to sit around and allow others to talk negatively about your decisions. When your caregivers are proud of the way you turned out, they are your biggest defenders when skeptics show up. They shut down any judgment and advocate on your behalf, no matter who is in the room.
You might not hear it, but the confidence in their voice when they speak about you exemplifies pride in who you are. They have your back unconditionally, have faith in what you have opted to do with your life, and will let anybody who comes for you know that it won't happen on their watch.
6. They treat you like an equal
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When you have earned your parents' honor and respect, they stop parenting you and start seeing you as an equal. You finally get to sit at the adult table. The tone shifts, and they care less about giving your advice and more about connecting with you on a higher level. Not only does your parent approve of you. They like and admire you.
You start to share life experiences, becoming a safe space. They might ask how you'd handle a particular matter or what your perspective is on a topic. They open up to you and start to treat you like the grown-up you are because you have proven to them that you are all on level playing field.
7. They welcome your partner with open arms
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When you grow up to be a person your parents are proud of, they respect your right to choose who you want as a partner. Earlier in life, they might have been overbearing, interfering in your relationships, and asserting their will. But now, they welcome who you are without backhanded comments or disrespect. They trust you to have the right people in your life.
Love shows in the way they embrace the person you love. They try with them. They make them feel welcomed. It's your parents' way of telling you that whatever makes you happy makes them happy. That willingness to accept your person goes a long way in building respect and pride between parents and adult children. They have a big influence on who we date, and it's nice when things go smoothly.
8. They respect your boundaries
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You can tell your parents are proud of you by how they treat the boundaries you set. It's no longer a my-way-or-the-highway situation where you're expected to do things just because they said so. You can skip holidays without the guilt trip, They respect your time and energy as well as your right to do what's best for you.
That mutual respect is a clear sign of a solid adult relationship between a parent and their grown child. They know it's not personal when you need space and distance. You don't have to watch them pout and make you feel bad. Their love is unconditional and doesn't go away just because you've decided not to appease them.
9. They offer support without expecting anything in return
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When your parents have reason to be proud of you, they want to be a help to you, not a hindrance. You might need help moving, a babysitter for a night out or a business trip, or emotional support when life throws unexpected roadblocks in the way. Your parents show up with no strings attached. They want to know how they can support you and are willing to do things your way.
You have a track record of being thoughtful and balanced, so they can do what you need without questions or doubts. You won't get lectured on how you could let this happen, because they trust that you are doing the best you can, but things don't always go as expected. They are there when you need them, period.
10. They celebrate your wins, no matter how small
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A parent bursting with pride is ready to clap for you when you need it. Your version of success might look entirely different from theirs, but they still have genuine excitement for you. It might be a heartfelt message of a phone call, but either way, they are bursting with pride over their grown baby.
And their pride is not necessarily about you winning. It's about you doing things that you take joy in and being overall happy. When your parent knows you are fulfilled with life, it makes them feel the same way. They love to see you blessed with love, abundance, and purpose. That was the entire point in bringing you into the world in the first place.
11. They tell you they are proud of you
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Parents who have no problem expressing themselves through words will tell you outright that you are making them proud. They might say that they know you're happy and that it makes them happy. They don't want anything in return. They simply want to affirm you and validate your efforts in an unforgiving world.
This can be said using nonverbal body language like a loving squeeze of the hand, a pat on the back, a tight bear hug, or a dab in the corner of their eye with a Kleenex to catch their happy tears. A parent's pride can really boost their adult child's self-esteem. It lets them know that their mother or father wouldn't want them to be anyone other than exactly who they are.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
