Adults Who Feel Oddly Annoyed Whenever They Talk To Their Parents On The Phone Usually Have These 11 Specific Reasons
ViDI Studio | Shutterstock As we get older, it's important to prioritize taking time out of your day to talk to your parents. Whether it's planning an in-person visit or just picking up the phone to chat, the effort is usually greatly appreciated. However, actually talking to your parents on the phone is something that many adults find irritating. Whether it's them judging their kids for their choices or being dismissive of their needs, adults who feel oddly annoyed whenever they talk to their parents on the phone usually have these specific reasons.
Despite the fact that an estimated 59% of adults say their relationship with their parents is excellent or very good, we can't help but feel frustrated by them sometimes. There are some occasions where phone calls have a way of putting you in a certain headspace that can feel triggering to be in. Old family dynamics suddenly start showing up and, before you know it, you feel on edge rather than feeling like an independent, capable adult. Of course, it doesn't mean the relationship is broken, but that these family moments can just be quite complicated.
Adults who feel oddly annoyed whenever they talk to their parents on the phone usually have these 11 specific reasons
1. The conversation instantly reactivates old family roles
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Even if you're the most confident and competent adult who is able to find success in all these areas of your life, the second you start talking to your parents, it can feel as if you're reverting. It can suddenly pull you back into the older version of yourself that feels like you have less autonomy over your choices or that you're being unfairly judged. You can be fully grown, paying your own bills and making your own decisions, but speaking to your parents activates these old roles.
"Sometimes, parents and adult children have nothing in common and it feels hard to connect," licensed marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein explained. "Some families have always felt disconnected. For some, that distance starts after the child left home."
Rather than being the capable adult that you are, your parents talk to you how they would speak to you when you were young and still living under their roof. You're not necessarily being insulted, but you feel like you're not being understood. That can get exhausting when it continues happening time and time again.
2. Their parents forget people are allowed to have bad days
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Any hint of stress or frustration in your tone gets suddenly analyzed by them the moment you talk to them on the phone. Sometimes you just want to be allowed to feel grumpy without it becoming an entire discussion with your parents.
They might suddenly start wanting to press you for details even when you repeat yourself over and over again that you just don't want to talk about it. And adults who feel oddly annoyed whenever they talk to their parents on the phone usually have these specific reasons.
While this comes from a place of your parents caring about your well-being, sometimes it feels like there's zero room to not be perfectly happy all the time. Sometimes a low-energy moment doesn't need to be unpacked at all. You find it exhausting and annoying to have to explain or justify why you're having a bad day when, in reality, sometimes it's just one of those days.
3. Their parents casually comment on certain life choices
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Even the most neutral of observations can land wrong, especially when they start broaching sensitive topics like finances or relationships that you have in your life. You've not asked to be evaluated, yet here you are on the phone with your parents being subjected to it. It's not like you've asked for any feedback either. Yet, it still manages to show up anyway.
It can end up making you feel like you're being judged by your own family. Even if you're 100% confident in your choices, the comments from your parents can sometimes plant seeds of doubt in your mind. You suddenly become extremely defensive and feel the urge to really explain what you're doing with your life. It makes you feel like less of an adult when you've spent so much time building this life for yourself.
4. There's an unspoken expectation to perform emotional labor
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Many adults feel annoyed during phone calls with their parents because it feels as if they're suddenly responsible for regulating the mood. They have to avoid talking about certain topics and smooth over any conflicts that might be happening back home.
Even if you're dealing with your own issues and things happening, you still feel this responsibility to show up anyway. It might not be actually said to you by your parents, but you still feel it.
"Parentified children excel at anticipating the needs of others, jumping in whether asked to or not, and taking on unrealistic amounts of responsibility to the point of burnout. They are more likely to engage in tasks related to emotional labor," pointed out clinical social worker Lauren Dennelly.
That emotional labor gives you little room to actually be yourself. You have to choose your words carefully and decide what's actually worth sharing and what you should just be keeping to yourself.
You reassure your parents without even being acknowledged, and you frame things so they feel safe. It's not done with malicious intent, but it still takes energy. When you eventually hang up, you end up feeling drained even though nothing bad necessarily happened.
5. Their parents ask about plans far into the future
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It might sound innocent enough with your parents maybe asking about the next time you're going to visit, or it could be something a bit more deep like where you see your career going over the next few years. The problem is that these questions can sometimes arrive before you even have the answer for them. You might still be figuring things out and keeping your options open.
But suddenly, you now feel this pressure weighing on your shoulders to have everything figured out all at once. Sure, you might be able to estimate when you're coming home next for a visit, but you have zero idea where your career might be taking you.
Being asked to commit right there on the spot can feel overwhelming. It might even leave you thinking that you're somehow falling behind, despite the fact that everyone's journey looks so much different.
6. Their parents talk at them rather than with them
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Adults who feel oddly annoyed whenever they talk to their parents on the phone usually feel this way when they're talked at rather than to. Because getting on the phone with your parents can sometimes mean that they're dominating the conversation or constantly interrupting you while you try to tell them how your life has been recently.
It can feel invalidating when they don't actually want to just sit and listen, even if they're not trying to be dismissive. There's zero space given to you to actually respond and instead they just end up redirecting the conversation back to themselves.
"Relationships and conversations with parents when you are an adult are obviously not the same as when you were a child or teen: You've changed while they don't seem to have changed, or you've both changed. But what you feel most is awkwardness as you try to connect adult to adult," said clinical therapist Bob Taibbi.
It makes you feel like less of a person and more of an audience member. You want to be included in the exchanges with your parents, which is why you're calling them in the first place. There's nothing more annoying then being on the phone for a one-sided conversation. You might as well just not speak to them at all if that's the way it's going to be.
7. Their parents forget important details
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Whenever you're talking to your parents on the phone, you hope that they'll be able to remember the important things you tell them. It can end up being quite annoying when you get on a call with them a couple of days later and you find yourself having to repeat the things you've just told them.
The forgetting on your parents behalf may even feel selective at times. They might remember things that are important to them that they've mentioned during phone calls, but completely blank on the things that shape your daily life. That imbalance leaves you feeling incredibly misunderstood.
Even when you know it's not done with intention, it doesn't mean that it doesn't still sting. The annoyance stems from not feeling like you're being seen by your own parents. It also means there's a lack of connection between you all.
8. Their parents resist seeing who their adult children are now
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It's frustrating to constantly be on the phone with your parents and feeling like they don't see how much you've grown. It seems as if they're just tolerating the things you find important rather than trying to get to a place where they're able to fully accept the fact that you're no longer a small child. It shows up in the assumptions that they make about you and the comments that don't really fit with who you are now.
"It may be comfortable for the parent to see their child in this one-dimensional way. Some parents don't do any further work to update their description, add nuance, or change their description when their child's interests and personality shift and grow," Epstein explained.
They might react to the things you say as if you still need the same guidance and approval that you once did when you were still young and living under their roof. Even when their comments are coming from a place of pure love, it can still feel like you're being limited. You don't want to be treated like the past version of yourself. Instead, you want to be seen for who you are right now.
9. Boundaries feel harder to enforce on the phone
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Unlike when you might be texting your parents, phone calls often demand things from you that you don't feel like you can skirt around. You're almost not allowed to disengage without feeling some guilt.
It might feel awkward to tell your parents you don't feel like talking about that certain topics. The immediate feedback of your parents response might make you more willing to just walk back on your boundaries.
"Boundaries permit each of us to maintain our own space and autonomy while sustaining a close emotional connection; they permit our partners in that relationship, whether they are parents or adult children, lovers or spouses, friends or relatives, to maintain their own space and autonomy as well," explained psychology expert Peg Streep.
Before you know it, you've agreed to more than what you've actually wanted. You never want to come across as if you're being cold or even ungrateful. But a part of having a relationship with your parents as adults is sometimes having to enforce boundaries even when they feel awkward and put you in a weird position.
10. Their parents ask questions that require long explanations
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Adults who feel oddly annoyed whenever they talk to their parents on the phone feel this way because of the long explanations required to answer certain questions. Now, you know that your parents are just being curious about how your life is going, but it can be slightly annoying when it's meant to be a catch-up call and suddenly you're talking for hours longer than you wanted.
Your parents are simply unaware just how much energy they're demanding of you. After a long, hard week, the last thing you want to reminisce about are all the things that just brought you stress.
Having to be subjected to this phone call after phone call means you dread these topics coming up altogether. You might even start steering the conversation away from certain areas of your life for fear that it'll just make the entire moment too complicated.
11. Their parents rely on the call to feel informed
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An annoying part about talking on the phone with your parents can sometimes be the way they rely on them to stay informed. Even when you're not close by, they still expect you to provide them updates on everything and anything. That expectation can feel heavy when it seems like you're not being met halfway. Your parents doesn't ever schedule time to visit you in-person to see the life you've built away from them.
According to a study published in Psychological Bulletin, families who spent more time together were more likely to have stronger bonds. Both parents and adult children reported higher satisfaction in their relationships.
But with your parents, they just lean on these phone calls to strengthen the relationship when it's also about spending quality time together that matters more. The calls end up becoming less about connecting and more about you just reporting on things. It honestly feels like you're doing more of the emotional work than your parents are.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
