People Use These 11 Phrases When They Are Majorly Annoyed With Their Parents
Tension is often natural in a family dynamic later in life.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Even later in life, when both children and parents are navigating adulthood, tensions that spark irritability and annoyance are still around, at least according to a study from the University of Michigan. Whether they’re rooted in generational differences or a disconnection in communication habits, adult children are often forced to grapple and cope with their own feelings of subtle resentment toward their parents, even in the most unsuspecting moments of life.
While it might seem like a silly tension that’s easily avoided, these feelings of irritability often influence well-being for both adult children and their parents. And while it may not be obvious at first, people use certain phrases when they are majorly annoyed with their parents. So, these family dinner arguments and tensions at the holiday family gatherings might be more telling and impactful than we give them credit for.
People use these 11 phrases when they are majorly annoyed with their parents
1. ‘You’ve already told me that a million times’
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Even if it’s unavoidable with cognitive changes and stress, people use phrases like “you’ve already told me that a million times” when they are majorly annoyed with their parents. However, it can also stem from parents who don’t appreciate or respect their adult children’s autonomy.
They feel a pressure to “protect” them from the harm of life and offer unsolicited advice to safeguard them, even when they’re perfectly capable of handling their own life as an independent adult.
2. ‘I’m not a child’
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Feeling pressured to justify personal autonomy and prove independence in the adult world is often a huge point of tension for many adult children toward their parents. They’re forced into saying things like “I’m not a child” or “I can handle this myself” all the time, because their parents are too tied to their childhood identity to accept that they’re okay on their own.
Especially for adult children who still live at home with their parents, feeling infantilized can cause a lot of conflict and stress. It may seem subtle, but these experiences change the quality of life for everyone involved, like a study from Social Science & Medicine explores.
3. ‘You don’t need to worry about me’
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Dealing with the newness of adulthood and the life stressors that come up when you’re navigating everyday life can be worrisome enough, let alone having to shield and manage your parents’ worry. People who use phrases like “you don’t need to worry about me” when they’re annoyed with their parents know those feelings all too well.
Especially when their worry represents a kind of mistrust or infantilization of them as adults, it can be frustrating to feel pressured to constantly reassure parents that you’re okay and making “the right” decisions. Of course, worrying about each other is a natural part of the parent-child relationship, going both ways, but expressing that worry should be intentional and focused on gratitude, rather than fear.
4. ‘Can we just drop it?’
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Sometimes, the best way to set a boundary at home and with parents as an adult child is to change the subject, avoid the topic rooted in tension, and create space for diversions. In the long-term, avoiding these tensions can fuel resentment, but in the moment, setting a boundary around what you’re willing to talk about can cultivate a sense of peace and relay respect.
People use these phrases when they are majorly annoyed with their parents often. They actively shift toward more accepting and respectful topics of conversation to protect their own feelings, but also to ensure their parents are reminded of their boundaries without a fight.
5. ‘You wouldn’t understand’
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Many younger generations, especially Gen Z adults, feel misunderstood by older generations, both in the workplace and in their personal lives or relationships. They feel held to values, expectations, and social norms that no longer fit their lives or add value to their routines, which makes relationships adopt a kind of strain, lacking warmth and emotional support.
People who use phrases like “you wouldn’t understand” when they’re annoyed with their parents likely don’t feel comfortable expressing things or opening up at home. They’re bound by pressure to adhere to traditional norms or to shift their life decisions to be more agreeable with family expectations, even when all they want on the inside is to feel understood and accepted by their parents.
6. ‘I don’t actually need your permission’
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Adult children who regularly feel infantilized by their parents when they choose to spend time together often resort to phrases like “I don’t actually need your permission” to set boundaries. Of course, they may ask for advice or share their life out of companionship and respect for their parents, but at no point should they feel pressured to make a choice or change something for the sake of their family’s comfort.
Of course, we all “owe” something to the people in our lives — respect, appreciation, communication, among other things — but our relationships shouldn’t feel like a constant obligation or drain.
7. ‘It’s my life’
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Even after they’ve started their own careers and families or moved out of the house, some parents still can’t help but meddle in their kids' lives. From pressuring them into making certain decisions to manipulating them with guilt-trips to spend “quality” time together, people often use phrases like “it’s my life” to assert their autonomous power at home.
Especially for adult children of parents who live vicariously through them and need to feel “needed” to be secure, this kind of phrase is likely thrown around a lot.
8. ‘I literally just said that’
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Feeling heard is the foundation of any healthy relationship, even the ones you share with a parent later in life. From feeling actively listened to by a parent when sharing emotions to being able to express concerns without being immediately shut down, adult children often feel most secure when they have a soft, communicative space to land at home.
However, when parents are emotionally neglectful, shutting down and refusing to listen to any kind of vulnerability or concern with their kids, it can quickly cause tension. People use phrases like “I literally just said that” when they’re majorly annoyed with their parents for not listening or creating that healthy space to communicate without emotional walls or suppression.
9. ‘I know you mean well, but...’
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According to a 2020 study, unsolicited advice from a parent often lowers mood, as it’s perceived as unwarranted and intrusive. Of course, this experience if often more prevalent when feelings of annoyance, resentment, and strain are already common in the family dynamic.
“I know you mean well” is often a precursor to shutting down this kind of advice from a parent. Especially if an adult child is simply looking for a place to vent and feel emotionally supported, a parent’s “solution” to fix away their emotions is the last thing they want.
10. ‘You don’t get to make decisions for me’
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Overparenting, especially later in life, with adult children, is often associated with lower mental health and self-efficacy, according to a study from the Journal of Child and Family Studies. Of course, having an open communication dynamic at home with parents can have a lot of benefits, but for adult children’s sanity and the relationships they share with family members, it’s important to have certain boundaries.
As independent, autonomous adults, these children deserve the right to say “no,” set boundaries, and remind their parents that they’re capable of making their own choices. Of course, that doesn’t mean they have to prove or justify their choices, but it does mean that their parents shouldn’t feel empowered to control their decisions.
11. ‘I don’t want to talk about it’
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As an adult child with their own needs and lifestyles, it’s important to set boundaries with parents, even if it’s in passing conversations at home. A phrase like “I don’t want to talk about it” is exactly that — a boundary that reminds their parents what topics and conversations they’re willing to realistically entertain with them.
Whether it’s talking about a partner they don’t like or a life choice they don’t approve of, people use these phrases when they are majorly annoyed with their parents.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
