11 Phrases That Were Considered Compliments In The 1980s But Are Now Seen As ‘Inappropriate’
Novikova-Asheulov Natalia / Shutterstock During the 1980s, speech was less filtered than the way people might talk to each other in 2026. Back then, people felt they had the right to comment freely on another person's body, life choices, appearance, and even parts of their personality. While they may have had good intentions, many of the phrases that were considered compliments in the 1980s would be seen as inappropriate today.
Research has shown that compliments often make the receiver feel even better than most people might anticipate, but it doesn't always work that way when the compliment is slightly offensive or even backhanded. Nowadays, we're more aware of how loaded certain phrases can be, even when meant in a good way. Well-intentioned compliments can sometimes reinforce stereotypes or put people in boxes that they never asked to be in, nor do they want to be. What once sounded flattering can quickly turn into something quite inappropriate.
Here are 11 phrases that were considered compliments in the 1980s but are now seen as 'inappropriate'
1. 'You're so articulate'
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During the 1980s, people didn't think twice about paying a compliment on someone's intelligence. Anytime they came across someone that was speaking well, they felt it deserved genuine admiration. While there's nothing wrong with telling someone how intelligent they are, back then, this compliment was often used toward people they assumed weren't well educated.
"These questions and statements are called microaggressions. Sometimes they can occur without ill intent; nevertheless, they often have an underlying assumption and can be dismissive and alienating," pointed out psychologist Amy Vigliotti, Ph.D. "They can reinforce negative stereotypes, belittle someone’s needs, invalidate real experiences and have a longstanding impact on people."
If "you're so articulate" is said today, it lands a lot differently. Instead of feeling praised, people often feel like they're being underestimated because they don't match the persona and appearance of someone who might actually be educated and smart. It's frequently directed at people from marginalized backgrounds, and at that point, it stops feeling flattering and instead comes off as being condescending.
2. 'You're not like other girls'
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This compliment was often paid to girls and women as a way to try to separate them from traditional gender expectations. But in the process, it was usually just pinning women against each other for the validation of men and the patriarchal society as a whole. It's putting other girls down and making the assumption that "other girls" are shallow and dramatic. It's the idea that femininity is something women and young girls should strive to rise above.
This phrase leans into historical ideas about womanhood and femininity, "by reducing other women to stereotypes they believe men despise and positively contrasting themselves to those stereotypes," explained cognitive psychologist Amber Wardell, Ph.D.
Anything girls enjoyed participating in, whether it was makeup, pop music, or anything else traditionally feminine, was seen as less serious or less respectable. Being told you weren't like those girls felt good because it meant you weren't part of that stereotype. Today, that phrase makes many women feel uncomfortable. We recognize that being compared to other women isn't a compliment, and we don't tend to accept people who try to pit us against each other.
3. 'You'd be so much prettier if you smiled'
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People in the 1980s thought they were being friendly by trying to help someone come across as more approachable and all-around more pleasant. They might've been walking down the street, only to pass a stranger and say it would be better if they started smiling, or in line at the grocery store, lean in to the overworked cashier and tell them it would make their day if they smiled. Women, especially, were almost villainized for not smiling at random strangers when they were out in the world. It was almost expected of them, or else they were accused of being rude and dismissive.
Women today almost never put up with being told to smile. Someone's value isn't and should never be tied to how pleasant they appear to others. Being told to smile completely ignores the day that someone might be having and just their basic autonomy. No one owes anyone anything when it comes to how they control their facial expressions.
4. 'You're not emotional at all'
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During that time, emotions were often seen as something people should just get over, rather than taking the time to understand them. Showing any type of emotion, but especially if it was related to depression, was labeled as being weak. People felt it was a compliment to let someone know that they weren't showing any emotions at all during the '80s. It meant you were seen as a dependable and rational person.
What it didn't acknowledge was that it often took people an immense amount of effort to suppress their emotions so as to appear put together to others. We view emotions very differently now. It's not a flaw for someone to be emotional because it means they're feeling their feelings. We encourage people to be open and vulnerable rather than just pretending that everything is fine.
5. 'You'll make some man very happy one day'
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A lot of praise, especially for women, was said through this lens of marriage and relationships. Their value was measured by how nurturing and emotionally supportive they were to someone else. Being told that you'd one day make some man happy implied that you were living life the way it should be. No one really cared about women's happiness beyond the traditional expectations thrust upon them. She was just expected to become someone's great partner.
But for women nowadays, the last thing many of us are thinking about is marriage. In fact, a Pew Research Center survey found that 54% of Americans say being married is important but not essential for men and women to live fulfilling lives. The idea of marriage isn't as coveted as it once was. Many people are simply enjoying their single lives and dating around rather than settling down forever.
6. 'You're not very political'
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In social situations during the 1980s, people often found it to be complimentary when they were talking to someone who wasn't openly political. Not discussing politics and what was happening both in this country and around the world meant you were a safe person to be around. Neutrality was seen as reasonable. You were expected to keep your opinions to yourself rather than talk too much about politics. It meant you stayed in your lane and cared more about getting along with everyone than rocking the boat.
However, being apolitical today is often seen as the worst stance you could take. People are actively encouraging and insisting that people start caring about what's happening around them, rather than burying their heads in the sand. The second you declare that you don't care about politics, you're often judged and heavily criticized to start getting informed ASAP.
7. 'You don't challenge authority much'
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Back in the 1980s, people were expected to give authority figures the utmost respect. Questioning the rules and pushing back was seen as risky behavior. Not challenging authority during that time was proof that you were doing things the way they were supposed to be done. It didn't matter if it was your boss at work, teachers, your parents, police officers, or political leaders.
You were expected to comply without question, even if the rules they implemented infringed on your rights or took away your autonomy. But when it comes to rules today, many people have no issue challenging them. We live in a time where questioning everything, especially authority figures, is how we educate ourselves and fight for what's right. Staying silent isn't an option anymore.
8. 'You're very modest'
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In the 1980s, telling someone “you’re very modest” was widely understood as praise for self-control, humility, and good character. Modesty was closely tied to ideas of respectability and maturity, especially in workplaces and social settings that valued fitting in over standing out. Someone described as “modest” was seen as grounded, trustworthy, and not overly self-promotional, all qualities that aligned with the era’s emphasis on conformity, hierarchy, and knowing one’s place. In particular, it was often used to commend people (especially women) for not drawing attention to themselves.
Today, however, calling someone modest can feel inappropriate because it often carries an implicit judgment about how much space a person should take up. In modern culture, especially in professional and creative environments, people are encouraged to own their accomplishments, advocate for themselves, and be visible rather than self-effacing. Describing someone as modest can now sound like a backhanded compliment that subtly reinforces outdated expectations, particularly around gender, suggesting that confidence or self-promotion would be undesirable. What was once framed as politeness or virtue can now feel like a critique of assertiveness, which is why the phrase has largely fallen out of favor as a compliment.
9. 'You've aged really well'
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Back then, aging was treated as something to manage carefully. Wrinkles, gray hair, and other bodily changes were something that needed to be fixed. So being told that you were aging well felt like validation because it meant you were beating the process of getting older. It suggested that you were still very attractive and acceptable by society's beauty standards.
"Wrinkles and other facial changes are not the badge of courage they could be when the media pushes the narrative that these natural accompaniments to age must be disguised from view. Although the pressure to look young can affect anyone, it is women who seem to be most subject to this valuing of youth over age," explained developmental clinical psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP.
We're a lot more affirming about aging today, especially for women. Many celebrities have been quite vocal about embracing aging and not trying to make it seem as if they aren't getting older year after year. Aging is seen as such a beautiful process and something to be grateful for. Considering many people don't get to age, we're so much more willing to accept people who have no issue embracing the things that come with older age.
10. 'You're so skinny'
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People often said this, sometimes loudly, to people they knew back in the 1980s. There was very little awareness about why we shouldn't be commenting on someone's body. Even if that person has lost weight, it's still not really considered a compliment in today's world to point out how skinny someone has gotten. But for people during that time, skinny culture was reinforced in the media they were consuming, and the idea that smaller was better.
"For decades, society has reinforced the idea that a thin body is the pinnacle of health, happiness, and success. This cultural obsession with thinness—known as the 'thin ideal'—has been perpetuated by media, fashion, advertising, and social media platforms, where we see images of slim, conventionally attractive people living their 'best lives,'" said psychotherapist Sophie S. Whynacht, Ph.D.
So telling someone they were skinny was seen as acknowledging their success with fitting into the beauty standard. No one really ever considered why someone was thin or what their relationship with food might be. But we've gotten a lot better in 2026 at bringing up someone's body in conversation. We've also learned that being skinny isn't the end-all, be-all. It also isn't a good indicator of someone's health.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
