11 Totally Normal Things That Annoy People With Unusually Low Emotional Intelligence
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock Emotional intelligence often predicts happiness, life quality, and relationship satisfaction, according to a study published in the Cureus journal. When someone doesn’t have skills like self-awareness or emotional regulation, they’re more at risk for mental health concerns and struggle.
From larger personal interactions to small inconveniences, there are some totally normal things that annoy people with unusually low emotional intelligence. Considering they lack emotional regulation in the face of adversity or discomfort, and largely suppress any emotions they don’t have the facilities to deal with, it’s not surprising that they’re more affected by things that someone with emotional intelligence would face in a few minutes. They struggle because they live life in the back seat, expecting others to solve their problems and throw success in their laps.
Here are 11 totally normal things that annoy people with unusually low emotional intelligence
1. Disagreements
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Healthy arguments can be a healthy asset to any relationship, but only if they’re handled with intention, self-awareness, and a solid foundation of regulation that supports healthy communication. However, disagreements and conflict are some of the totally normal things that annoy people with unusually low emotional intelligence, because they don’t have the skills to resolve issues.
They get immediately defensive to protect themselves from perceived harm and try to win arguments for a sense of security that self-assured people cultivate in healthier ways.
2. Silence
While emotionally intelligent people leverage awkward silence in conversations to reflect and regulate for more productive discussions, it’s one of the totally normal things that annoy people with unusually low emotional intelligence.
They’re always oversharing to fill the space or avoiding people who are quiet in conversations, because they need constant stimulation and attention to avoid discomfort and embarrassment.
3. Boundaries
People who feel entitled to others’ time or who aren’t sure how to regulate their emotions in the face of discomfort may be more offended by people who set boundaries than someone with high emotional intelligence. They want to have access to people whenever they need them, largely because they’re codependent on external validation and attention.
Of course, some boundaries are simply misguided and disguised rudeness, but most of the time, they’re reminders of the kind of behavior someone is willing to tolerate. If someone with unusually low emotional intelligence relies on behaviors like guilt-tripping and blame-shifting to find internal security, chances are someone with strong boundaries will annoy them.
4. Not being validated openly by others
Emotional intelligence is tied to personal self-esteem. If you can acknowledge personal experiences, accept them, and move forward, which are the key tenets of self-awareness, according to a study published in Europe’s Journal of Psychology, you’re likely more self-assured than someone who’s constantly running from themselves.
That’s why it’s not surprising that external validation fuels people lacking emotional intelligence. They need people to give them attention to feel important or to reassure their ideas so they feel comfortable making them, even if it only pushes them further into an insecure, dependent spiral.
5. Privacy
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While someone with unusually low emotional intelligence may turn to social media or casual conversations to overshare for a misguided sense of connection and attention, people who can internally gratify themselves don’t feel the urge to do the same.
As psychology expert Polly Campbell shares, oversharing is usually a survival instinct. When someone feels anxious or uncomfortable and doesn’t have the skills to regulate themselves, they lean on behaviors like oversharing for a sense of peace and comfort, even if it comes at the expense of their relationships and personal well-being.
6. Being held accountable
Whether it’s constructive feedback in the workplace or being held accountable for actions in a personal relationship, being held accountable is one of the totally normal things that annoy and scare people with low emotional intelligence. Considering they usually harbor deep insecurities and low self-esteem, it’s not surprising that mistakes and concerns are often perceived as weaknesses.
They run from these moments and try to adopt an ideal self-image, even if it means disconnecting from others and missing out on opportunities to grow.
7. Being told ‘no’ without a justification
People with emotional intelligence know how to set boundaries and are comfortable saying “no” without an explanation or justification, even when it’s uncomfortable. They care about cultivating meaningful relationships, but they care more about protecting their own safety and mental health. The people meant to be in their lives will respect their boundaries.
However, being uncomfortable with being told “no” without a justification is part of the entitlement that fuels people with low emotional intelligence. They feel entitled to everyone’s space and energy. They don’t know how to appreciate their own time or not having constant attention from clothes, so boundaries and being told “no” feel like a personal attack.
8. Drifting apart from friendships
People naturally grow, change, and drift away from relationships that used to be large parts of their lives — that’s our human nature. People with high emotional intelligence are constantly learning new things, reflecting on their behavior, and making changes, so their relationships often shift to accommodate new ideas, feelings, and goals.
However, this drift away and change are some of the totally normal things that annoy people with unusually low emotional intelligence. If someone is growing personally, adopting new routines, and becoming more self-assured, of course, someone with low emotional intelligence is going to feel offended by their distance. Still, the truth is that they’re often the problem.
9. Being corrected
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Many individuals who struggle to accept feedback and constructive criticism are grappling with low self-esteem and defensiveness. They believe that mistakes and concerns are inherently bad and a reflection of their own inadequacy, when in reality, it’s simply an opportunity to learn and grow.
Curiosity, purpose in life, and emotional intelligence are inherently connected, as a 2015 study explains, but for people without that foundation of reflection and regulation, they remain stagnant and tied to other people for a sense of fulfillment.
10. Calmness in conflict
The route to coping with conflict is often reliant on defensiveness, loudness, anger, and distance for people with low emotional intelligence. To cope with their own discomfort, they avoid conflict, run away, or get angry in the face of concerns that would otherwise be healthy challenges and bonding moments for their counterparts with high emotional intelligence.
Their conflict resolution strategies, often misguided, are directly related to their emotional intelligence, or lack thereof, as a study published in the Frontiers in Psychology suggests.
11. Vulnerability
For people who suppress emotions and constantly find comfort in ignoring their own emotional needs, of course, vulnerability and openness are totally normal things that annoy people with unusually low emotional intelligence.
They prefer to be “in control” of conversations to seek attention and validation, even if it means overlooking the importance of vulnerability in truly healthy relationships.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
