11 Simple Signs Of Low Emotional Intelligence That Show Up In Everyday Behavior
HC FOTOSTUDIO / Shutterstock Our ability to balance our emotional needs impacts our daily lives. How we show up when we're stressed and strained is important. People who can keep a level head make more informed decisions. Those who struggle with emotional intelligence often have difficulty looking past their feelings, which affects their daily behavior.
People who struggle with emotional intelligence issues not only have their decision-making process complicated, but they also struggle with certain daily behaviors. If someone becomes easily stressed or blames others for their own mistakes, it could be a sign that they have a low emotional IQ, known as an EQ. These individuals struggle to keep their cool when they feel hurt or frustrated. It’s hard for them to balance their thoughts. If you see people act this way, they may be struggling with emotional intelligence in their daily behavior.
These are 11 simple signs of low emotional intelligence that show up in everyday behavior
1. They blame others for everything
Artem Podrez from Pexels via Canva
If you’re wondering whether someone deals with low emotional intelligence, you’ll notice they have a difficult time admitting when they are wrong. Instead of having an intelligent conversation about what upset the other person, they refuse. They will blame others, no matter the situation. Emotional intelligence makes people able to see their own downfalls. No one is perfect, but those who have a low emotional IQ refuse to see what they do wrong.
Our egos impact our daily lives. For some, it controls their every move. Instead of acknowledging their own vulnerability and admitting when they make mistakes, they point the finger at everyone else to protect their self-esteem. When a person has a higher sense of emotional intelligence, they do not let their own perception of themselves cloud their judgment. Those who are emotionally immature can find anyone to blame other than themselves.
2. They struggle to control their stress
Maridav via Canva
Life is stressful. We all endure moments that test our patience. Whether it’s at work or in a relationship, things can get under our skin. It’s how we react to these instances that matters. Of course, it’s not always easy to keep calm and cool in these stressful moments, but it’s always worthwhile to try. When someone lacks emotional intelligence, they struggle to manage their stress.
A study found that those with low emotional intelligence become stressed more easily. They are twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression. The researchers found that, due to their limited emotional vocabulary, they do not know how to identify or address their stress. If you notice this behavior in someone’s daily life, they are likely struggling with their ability to process their emotions.
3. They hold grudges
Birce_Akalay_Resimleri from pixabay via Canva
I will be vulnerable. I am one of these grudge-holders. Listen, I know it’s wrong! However, I struggle to look past moments of pain and move forward. It’s one of my worst qualities and something I attempt to work through. It just comes easily to me to hold on to my feelings rather than to let them go.
When someone struggles with low emotional intelligence, they often feel like they have to defend themselves. They are always on edge. As a result, they hold grudges against others. “Self-protective defenses, the impact of interpersonal trauma on the mind, and other psychological factors obstruct our ability and motivation to forgive. The need for protest in the form of a grudge is further fueled by mistaken assumptions about forgiveness that make it feel unjust and unsafe,” says Lynn Margolies, Ph.D.
4. They make hurtful jokes
Poike from Getty Images Pro via Canva
If you notice someone seems to be blind to the feelings of others, they may be emotionally unintelligent. These individuals have a hard time reading situations. They will not understand how their words impact those around them. They may lack empathy, making them more susceptible to poking fun at others without regard for their feelings. They are more comfortable acting out insensitively.
“For example, they might say something insensitive at a funeral or make a joke right after a tragic event. If you react to their out-of-line response, they then act as if you're being overly sensitive,” says Kendra Cherry, MSEd, for Verywell Mind. “Because they have difficulty understanding the emotions of others, it's no surprise that they are unable to interpret and appropriately respond to the emotional tone and atmosphere.”
5. They refuse to have difficult conversations
Tembela Bohle from Pexels via Canva
If someone has a low level of emotional intelligence, having tough conversations feels impossible. They struggle to find fault in their own behavior. This causes them to take everything personally. When someone approaches them with genuine concerns, they go straight into defensive mode. They want to protect their ego before all else.
Let’s say someone with low emotional intelligence did something that hurt another person’s feelings. That person may try to talk about the situation with them. It could be from a place of concern or hurt. Instead of seeing their pain and taking accountability for their actions, they will only see how their words impact them. They will refuse to talk about these things because they are not mature enough to handle the hard conversations.
6. They come off as insensitive
Yaroslav Shuraev from The Yaroslav Shuraev Collection via Canva
Along with their poor understanding of what makes for an appropriate joke, people with a low EQ often say things that come off as insensitive. They do not understand the weight of their words. They may hide their feelings behind the idea of being ‘honest.’ They will use that as an excuse to try to avoid taking accountability for the pain their words cause. Aside from saying things insensitively, they also struggle to connect to people going through difficult times.
“Emotionally intelligent people tend to have strong social skills. This is likely because they are so attuned to their own feelings as well as those of others,” says Cherry. “They know how to deal with people effectively, and they are invested in maintaining healthy social relationships and helping those around them succeed.” You will notice the exact opposite in people who struggle with low emotional intelligence.
7. They are impulsive
Kseniia Perminova via Canva
One study found that people who struggle with emotional intelligence have a hard time regulating their emotions. Instead of thinking through each experience, they are quick to react. This causes them to act impulsively and make questionable decisions. They are thinking about where they are at the moment, not the long run. Their decisions are swayed by their emotions, which take over their thought process.
Aggression lowers someone’s emotional intelligence. Because of this, they have a hard time putting themselves in someone else’s shoes and instead, do whatever they want. This lack of impulse control can get them in serious trouble over time.
8. They can’t accept criticism
freestocks.org from Pexels via Canva
Whether or not you have low emotional intelligence, let’s be honest, accepting criticism is not easy. If you’re at work and someone has feedback for you, it can be hard to accept your shortcomings. However, it’s important to recognize these things to become the best person you can be. Those with emotional intelligence understand this, while those who don't can’t handle any sort of criticism.
Lack of self-knowledge can lead to issues with accepting criticism. People with low EQ see themselves in a different way than others do. They struggle to see their faults. When others bring it up to them, they go on the defensive.
9. They always have to be right
Didem Kalaycı from Pexels via Canva
It takes a strong sense of emotional intelligence to admit when you are wrong. Being vulnerable and seeing your faults takes a lot of strength. It’s hard to apologize, even when we know we are wrong. Our egos can prevent us from doing so. When someone has a low EQ, they always have to be right. In every situation, they know the answer. It’s exhausting for people with high EQs to deal with.
Studies have found that certain traits can make people less emotionally intelligent. If someone refuses to accept their wrongdoings, they have a trait that makes them less emotionally intelligent. These people rarely apologize, even when they are proven wrong. They care more about their desire to be right than about maintaining relationships with people in their lives.
10. They can’t verbalize their feelings
MarkHatfield from Getty Images Signature via Canva
People who lack emotional intelligence are not always to blame for their reactions. According to Psychology Today, childhood trauma can play into the way people process their emotions in the future. It may seem like someone who struggles with verbalizing their feelings is selfish and does not care about communicating clearly, and while that can be true for some, there is also a deeper meaning for others.
Alexithymia, or the inability to verbalize feelings, is a trait that impacts a small number of people. Of course, not everyone who shuts down and struggles to talk about their feelings has this trait, as it is rather rare. Others simply have a hard time doing this because their low emotional intelligence prevents them from properly working through and talking about their emotions.
11. They have no self-control
axelbueckert via Canva
Going along with impulse control is a lack of self-control in emotionally immature individuals. They can’t look past their own lens. They will say things they do not mean or make insults without giving it a thought. You may notice that people who struggle to control themselves may take on the role of controlling others. Someone with a low EQ may find it easier to manipulate and control people in their lives.
The inability to regulate their own emotions turns their need for control outward. It’s easier for them to try to tell others how to feel than to control their own emotions and share them. A lack of self-control plays a serious role in impulse control, making one susceptible to questionable behavior.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
