You Can Tell Someone Has A Dark Agenda If They Say These 11 Phrases
Andrii Iemelianenko | Shutterstock To be capable of forming dark, misguided, and harmful agendas, a person likely needs to have certain malevolent personality traits like narcissism, greed, spitefulness, and psychopathy. According to a study from Frontiers in Psychology, even though these fleeting traits in a typical person tend to harm well-being, for people whose entire personalities reflect these traits, their well-being is more nuanced. They have a level of emotional intelligence, but often weaponize it in dark ways to harm others.
While they're often good at hiding these traits and manipulating people to take advantage, you can tell someone has a dark agenda if they say certain phrases. They're cautionary "red flags" that can remind you to protect yourself, whether that's with strong boundaries, space, or support.
You can tell someone has a dark agenda if they say these 11 phrases
1. 'Everyone else agrees with me'
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Whether it's literally isolating someone by spreading rumors and breaking up relationships or emotionally using phrases like "everyone else agrees with me," you can tell someone has a dark agenda by how comfortable they are with other people's support networks. The more supported, loved, and cared for a person is, the less likely they are to be vulnerable to manipulation efforts.
People with dark agendas and manipulative behaviors want people to be easy to take advantage of, so they try to isolate them from other people — even if that's making them feel guilty for expressing an opinion or need that's inconvenient to the perpetrator.
2. 'I never said that'
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According to psychology expert Dr. Jennifer Fraser, gaslighters target people's dependence on others, and considering most people rely on others to form a sense of reality, it can be an incredibly harmful and successful form of manipulation. From phrases like "I never said that" to "you sound crazy right now," people with dark agendas take advantage of others by altering their sense of security and reality.
While it can be subtle, protecting yourself in the face of a gaslighter is key to avoiding their spiral of self-doubt and isolation. Set your boundaries, stand up for yourself, and be intentional about seeking support that uplifts you and your sense of reality. The people you surround yourself with truly matter, and if those people have a dark agenda that's not in your best interest, you're constantly putting yourself in danger.
3. 'You're the problem'
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People with dark agendas and personalities tend to justify their actions in the face of pushback, instead of taking accountability for their mistakes and actions. Whether it's a dismissive phrase like "I was just joking" or blame-shifting with "you're the problem," you can tell someone has a dark agenda if they say these phrases.
Usually, they find ways to avoid apologies and accountability, unless it benefits their social perception or self-image in that moment. If it only serves as a personal attack against their sense of righteousness and social perception, they'll deny and deflect until it's impossible.
4. 'You owe me'
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People with dark agendas who feel a sense of entitlement in their lives often have a misguided view of "fairness," at least according to a study from the European Journal of Social Psychology. They think that just because something is "inconvenient" or annoying to them, it's generally "unfair," which is why they tend to hold things over other people's heads.
They think they're being personally attacked when things don't work out consistently in their favor, so even when they're doing the bare minimum in relationships — like small favors and emotional support — they use phrases like "you owe me."
5. 'Just trust me'
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Even without evidence or support, a person with a dark agenda leverages other people's sense of insecurity to get their way. They use phrases like "just trust me" to convince people to feed into their agenda on their own accord, so they don't have to take accountability for "forcing" them, but usually end up weaponizing their involvement for the worst.
Especially considering narcissistic people are driven by the pursuit of status, as a study from Perspectives on Psychological Science explains, it's not surprising that they're willing to take advantage of people they perceive to be "less" than them for the sake of their own social boost.
6. 'If you really cared about me...'
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Superficial kindness and weaponization of otherwise healthy relationship pillars, like "if you really cared about me, you would," tend to be a red flag that someone is a manipulative person. They care more about getting something from others and crafting transactional relationships with a payoff than cultivating truly meaningful, deep connections.
They make people feel guilty for not meeting their every need and conforming to their agendas, largely because their hidden needs and desires are too manipulative to reveal openly.
7. ' I thought you were smart'
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Many people who openly and actively hurt others do so because they're insecure. They need to find ways to boost their own ego, self-image, and sense of "goodness," and instead of feeding into healthy relationship dynamics, they break other people down with targeted attacks and manipulation.
Even if their gaslighting and blame-shifting tendencies are often unsuspecting, phrases like "I thought you were smart" are clear indicators of a person's insecure manipulation. They want other people to feel less intelligent, more insecure, and small, because it helps them to feel better about themselves.
8. 'It's just how I am'
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If someone says "it's just how I am" to justify their hurtful actions and misguided behaviors, they're shifting blame onto others. They're making people feel guilty for simply being around their manipulation and taking away any accountability that comes from personal growth.
In some cases, accepting this self-proclaimed truth might be the best thing you could do for yourself. If you're constantly trying to change someone who doesn't want to change, you're wasting your time. Not only can we not change people, but we also often exhaust ourselves trying.
9. 'You're so exhausting'
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Many people with dark agendas and a misguided sense of superiority use phrases like "you're so exhausting" to make other people smaller. The less confident and empowered other people are, the better they look, and considering their lives are typically rooted in status-seeking, it's a necessary part of their behavior.
While a person who has a dark agenda may be able to fly under the radar and deflect in conversations, consider how you feel around someone you suspect of having malicious intentions. Their negativity is palpable and contagious — and you'll feel it.
10. 'I was just testing you'
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According to social psychologist Jeremy Nicholson, most people seek payoffs openly in their conversations and relationships, but people with dark agendas struggle with the honesty, trust, and closeness that allows these interactions to thrive. Instead, they play mind and emotional games to "test" people and get what they want, even at the expense of these healthy relationship pillars.
Usually, people who have positive feelings about themselves and others find intimacy in these moments of having their needs met. However, people with dark agendas are usually grappling with negative thoughts — either with themselves or others — that urge them to manipulate and withhold their intentions.
11. 'You're embarrassing yourself'
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If they can't manipulate someone or break the confidence of others for their own good, people with a dark agenda will weaponize complex emotions like shame and embarrassment. Whether it's spreading rumors or using phrases like "you're embarrassing yourself," they break other people down to boost their own ego and self-image.
Even if these emotions end up sabotaging the relationship, most people with dark agendas and personalities are too caught up in themselves to notice or care.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
