If Someone Is Actually A Bad Person, They'll Say These 11 Phrases Casually
They're not intentional with language, at least from the lens of empathy.
dabyki.nadya | Shutterstock From dramatic, exaggerated stories to the villain of the story, psychology experts argue that we’re almost always infatuated with “bad people” — even if it’s more nuanced than being manipulative or self-serving. In everyday life, we condemn narcissistic people, but are simultaneously charmed by their charisma and interested in understanding why people are the way they are. “Bad people” isn’t defined by a single trait or behavior, but in our lives, there are certain small and big things that remind us why we keep our distance.
If someone is actually a bad person, they’ll even say specific phrases casually. Even if it seems subtle, small things like “that never happened” or “you sound crazy right now” can actually be a sign of underlying narcissism, manipulative behavior, or greed.
If someone is actually a bad person, they’ll say these 11 phrases casually
1. ‘I’m just being honest’
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People who want to protect themselves from needing to take accountability or apologize for their rudeness will often justify their actions with phrases like “I’m just being honest” or “it was just a joke.” Instead of saying “sorry” or being intentional with their language in the first place, they victim-blame the person expressing their hurt and protect themselves from being negatively condemned.
Of course, like professor Tyler G. Okimoto suggests, fearing accountability and struggling with accountability is often rooted in fear, whether it’s a fear of rejection, abandonment, or embarrassment. Finding accountability uncomfortable or struggling to own up to mistakes doesn’t make you a bad person, but consistently condemning someone for expressing pain and victim-blaming people you’ve hurt can be a red flag.
2. ‘That never happened’
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Even if gaslighting feels subtle and harmless in the moment, it’s actually a sign of psychological manipulation and coercion that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Not only does it urge people into a more insecure, doubtful place, but it also makes them more vulnerable to being manipulated by the people around them.
Phrases like “that never happened” are often used by a gaslighter to protect themselves from needing to take ownership of their toxic habits. They spark doubt in the victim, encouraging them to suppress their pain and take accountability for their own hurt, which is why if someone is actually a bad person, they’ll say phrases like this one casually.
3. ‘I don’t owe anyone anything’
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Especially in our society today, rooted in convenience, comfort, and instant gratification, it’s not surprising that so many people have adopted this “I don’t owe anyone anything” mindset. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but if you’re using therapy speak and “boundaries” as an excuse to avoid accountability or vulnerability, that could be a sign that you’re sabotaging relationships and everyone’s well-being.
Of course, you don’t owe people around you anything at the expense of your own true well-being. But in relationships, with friends, and around people you’ve hurt, you owe them honesty, respect, and patience — that’s the beauty of humanity.
4. ‘That’s not my problem’
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By disconnecting and disengaging only when other people need their support, a manipulator often uses space for power to continue manipulating others. By creating emotional space and disconnecting from others, they can come back and start the gaslighting, manipulative cycle all over again.
Of course, a phrase like “that’s not my problem” isn’t just cruel, it’s also a sign of someone who lacks empathy. They might have emotional intelligence — like self-awareness or a sense of social awareness — but they often use those skills to be able to manipulate others more effectively. “That’s not my problem” isn’t a sign of a person who lacks the skills to help, but a bad person who lacks the empathy to care.
5. ‘You should be happy I’m even here’
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Crafting self-doubt in the minds of the people around them is simply an isolation technique that often manifests itself in phrases like “you should be happy I’m even here.” They urge people to let their guards down and to overstep their own boundaries to tolerate their misbehavior, so that their own manipulative tactics serve more effectively in their best interests.
They don’t care about making people feel safe and secure — they care about getting what they want. If that means isolating someone to only being around them, making them believe “nobody else would want them,” they don’t mind doing so.
6. ‘It’s not that deep’
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Trying to convince someone that their reality is untrue or that their emotions are invalid are both forms of gaslighting that often go overlooked. Especially for people already amid toxic, codependent relationships or struggling with their self-esteem, a phrase like “it’s not even that deep” could spark self-doubt that makes them more vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
If someone is actually a bad person who doesn’t care about taking advantage of vulnerable people or making someone feel responsible for their own hurt, they’ll say these phrases casually.
7. ‘You made me do it’
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People who avoid accountability and try to protect themselves from judgment often blame-shift for a sense of peace. Of course, not everyone who indulges this habit is a bad person, but those who consistently hurt other people with the intention of shifting blame when they’re called out may have some red flags they need to address internally.
They care more about protecting themselves and their own social status than being kind, empathetic, and secure. They don’t mind hurting other people, as long as they’re protected from fear, judgment, and blame.
8. ‘I didn’t ask’
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According to a study from Current Opinion in Psychiatry, emotional support — both the giving and receiving of it — is incredibly healthy for relationships and personal well-being. We get a lot from having supportive loved ones who care for us emotionally, but we also receive a lot from being empathetic and supportive in return.
However, if someone is actually a bad person who lacks empathy for others, they’ll often rely on phrases like “I didn’t ask” to avoid shifting attention away from themselves. They’ll invalidate other people’s pain, avoid making space for their feelings, and actively condemn them when they’re vulnerable or asking for help.
9. ‘You owe me’
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Entitled people are often concerned with protecting their validation-seeking behaviors and self-image, even at the expense of their relationships, like a study from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggests.
They often use phrases like “that’s not my problem” or “you owe me” that make their relationships transactional, because they care more about what they’re getting from someone than the bond they share.
There’s an expectation for everything they offer people, making their love, respect, and support an obligation, rather than a foundational expression of kindness.
10. ‘You’ll never find anyone better than me’
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Even if they’re not physically isolating someone, a manipulator will use emotionally manipulative phrases like “you’ll never find anyone better than me” to emotionally disconnect their victims from the people who love them. They chip away at their self-esteem and encourage them to adopt self-doubt at the expense of their own mental health, largely so they’re easier to control.
If someone is actually a bad person, they’ll say phrases like this casually and often. They don’t care about safeguarding the people in their lives from harm — they care about protecting their own control, stability, convenience, and comfort.
11. ‘You sound crazy right now’
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Phrases like “you sound crazy right now” are tried-and-true signs of an emotionally manipulative gaslighter, yet when it’s covered up by unsuspecting nonverbal cues or phrased in a slightly different way, it can go overlooked.
If someone is a bad person with malicious intentions in their relationships, they’ll find a way to gaslight. They’ll find a way to make you feel “crazy” and to invalidate your feelings. They’ll always make you feel guilty — like speaking up for yourself is a crime.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
