Manipulative Adults Almost Always Say These 11 Phrases When They Don't Get Their Way
They'll say whatever they want, as long as they get what they want.
Dodokat | Shutterstock Dealing with manipulative people is not difficult, but can be emotionally draining. From their shady and demeaning comments all the way to their gaslighting tendencies, manipulators know what buttons to push. They aren't always obvious with their behaviors, but the way they speak can give some insight. Whether it's guilt-tripping you or calling you sensitive, manipulative adults almost always say these phrases when they don't get their way.
They'll never outright admit to gaslighting or controlling you, but their words indicate just how they feel. Without needing to read too much into it, manipulative adults twist their words to make those around them feel bad, inevitably causing them to bend to their will. And by the time they realize, they've already fallen victim to their actions.
Manipulative adults almost always say these 11 phrases when they don't get their way
1. 'After everything I've done for you?'
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Manipulative people use whatever means necessary to be in the right and get their way. After exhausting all options, they'll resort to guilt-tripping tactics because they know it will work.
According to a YouGov survey, around 48% of people-pleasers self-identify as such. Considering this number, most manipulators know that by guilt-tripping a people-pleaser, they ensure they keep the person in place and protect their self-esteem.
2. 'You're too sensitive'
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In an ideal world, everyone could control their emotions and not be so sensitive. However, turning off their empathy isn't easy, especially when someone is being manipulated, gaslit, or insulted. While they try to brush it off, it doesn't help, because manipulative adults almost always say "You're too sensitive" when they don't get their way
It's one thing to think this in the back of their mind, but it's another thing to be told this repeatedly by someone they love or trust. In typical manipulative person fashion, they pick up on a person's biggest insecurities and throw it back in their face. And while it's tempting to just let bygones be bygones, walking away or standing your ground is the only way to deal with someone who's trying to invalidate your feelings.
3. 'Fine, do whatever you want'
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Everyone's heard this phrase at least once in their life. Whether it's a toxic ex or a parent, manipulative adults use this phrase when they don't get their way. But when someone says these words, they really mean the opposite.
Even if it's immature, if there's one thing a manipulator is going to do, it's to confuse others on purpose. They allow their emotional immaturity to get them what they want, no matter the cost.
Unfortunately, as psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis explained, "Emotional immaturity is when someone can't recognize or control their emotions in an age-appropriate way. This can manifest as emotional outbursts, lack of self-awareness, and lack of emotional depth."
4. 'You're making a big mistake'
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Everyone makes mistakes, whether it's forgetting to pay a bill or hurting a friend. But these mistakes are lessons that make people the best version of themselves. Still, it doesn't mean that making mistakes doesn't eat people up inside.
Tossing and turning late at night, it's easy to allow the little things to consume us. And while many people learn to let these things go, manipulative people take full advantage of it, tearing someone down by using this phrase to play on their emotions.
5. 'I guess I just care more than you do'
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When things turn crazy and tensions rise, it's easy for everyone to feel unappreciated or unseen. As most people can imagine, this is especially frustrating. As researcher Zach Mercurio pointed out, "But when people feel insignificant, they languish. Disconnection, disengagement, anxiety, and depression often follow."
A normal adult is almost always willing to push their feelings to the side to work through issues, no matter how tough things get. However, manipulative adults will use this phrase to get what they want.
Assuming someone doesn't care simply because they don't agree is ridiculous. Whether it's a partner or a friend, people can care about how you feel without bending to their whim. Like anything in life, balance is important. This is why compromising is necessary, because otherwise, nobody will be happy.
6. 'Everyone agrees with me'
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When someone utters the phrase "Everyone agrees with me," typically, they only mean one person. However, so convinced by their own righteousness, this is a phrase manipulative adults almost always say when they don't get their way.
Guilt-tripping someone and making them feel isolated is downright cruel if someone already feels terrible. But manipulative people don't care. Even if their behavior hurts others, their goal is to win by any means necessary. So, if it means kicking someone when they are already down, so be it.
7. 'You never listen to me'
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If there's one thing a manipulator is going to do, it's twist people's words. In their eyes, if someone doesn't do what they say, they aren't truly listening. This is why manipulative adults almost always say, "You never listen to me."
It's not that people are shutting them out, it's that they hate when people don't obey their every command. According to counselor Jamie Cannon, "Manipulators are experts at understanding, and using, others' emotions to get what they want. What more powerful way is there to subconsciously convince you to see things a certain way than emotional manipulation?"
8. 'If you really loved me, you would...'
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Manipulative adults almost always say this phrase when they don't get their way. They often use this phrase with a romantic partner, friend, or family member, all as a way to guilt-trip them into doing what they want. And it usually works.
At the end of the day, everyone has their own free will. And while people might wish that their loved ones would listen to them, if they truly respect them, they'll respect their need for autonomy.
9. 'You always do this'
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While everyone has their own behavioral patterns, manipulative people weaponize the way someone acts in certain situations. And by using a generalized statement, they make the situation seem worse than it actually is.
While they think they've won the battle, using this phrase too much is the easiest way to break up any relationship. As licensed clinical social worker Robert Taibbi explained, "Defensiveness... stirs frustration and resentment that can, over time, wear down the relationship. And when arguments reach their crescendo, problem-solving is derailed, and emotional and even physical injury can result, fueling the next argument."
10. 'You've changed'
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Nobody is going to stay the same forever. As much as people wish things never changed, friends grow apart and couples don't work out. But a manipulative person will say "You've changed" to someone they're trying to control in an attempt to get their way.
It's a terrible feeling to witness someone changing before their eyes, but just because someone changes or doesn't agree, it doesn't mean they should be ridiculed for it. And while the average person understands this, manipulative adults don't care. So consumed by "winning," they allow their own perspectives to guide them, leaving no room for nuance.
11. 'I guess I can't count on you'
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There will always be a time when a person lets someone down. Without meaning to, they might not check in or be able to help in the way a person wants. This is extremely hurtful and can cause a considerable amount of pain in the long run. As researcher Mariana Bockarova said, "Friendships are, in many ways, built on reciprocity, and feeling as though a friendship is one-sided can be particularly irksome."
But guilt-tripping someone isn't the answer. Unfortunately, manipulative adults almost always say "I guess I can't count on you" when they don't get their way. It's their tactic to make a person feel bad and play on their sympathy.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
