If You Heard These 11 Phrases Growing Up, Your Parents Were Struggling Financially But Didn't Want You To Know
They tried to protect you from their financial worries.
NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock Even if it’s easy to assume that young kids aren’t watching or listening to their parents, a study from the Journal of Behavioral Decision Making found that kids as young as five years old adopt money mindsets from their families. Whether it’s an attitude about finances in general or specific justifications for spending money irresponsibly, they’re soaking up all the conversations, habits, and mentalities of their parents as kids.
So, if you grew up in a poor household but feel financially comfortable today, chances are your parents were incredibly intentional about how they spoke about money when you were around. Even small things like “be grateful for what you have” were powerful, and if you heard these phrases growing up, your parents were struggling financially but didn't want you to know. They were careful about passing along fear, stress, or shame about money, and made sure you had an educational yet happy life.
If you heard these 11 phrases growing up, your parents were struggling financially but didn’t want you to know
1. ‘Let’s wait until it’s on sale’
ORION PRODUCTION | Shutterstock
Even if they lack the security of an actual savings account, many households living in poverty structure their spending around sourcing out sales. Whether it’s buying birthday presents for their kids or shopping for basic necessities at the grocery store, they spend a lot of time and energy trying to find the best deal and save money.
Even if that means buying certain things in bulk or shopping exclusively on clearance racks, people living in poverty are often forced to make compromises for the sake of their bills at the end of the month. If you heard things like “let’s wait until it’s on sale” growing up, chances are your parents were actively doing this — making compromises for the bills, groceries, or expenses they had to make with sale concessions.
2. ‘We have food at home’
BongkarnGraphic | Shutterstock
Even if it’s become more inaccessible for families living in poverty today amid rising costs, a study from the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found that families who cook and eat at home often spend less and live healthier lives.
They not only have the benefits of quality time and intentionality with cooking healthy at home, but they also spend less on fast food and meals outside of the home. So, if you heard “we have food at home” often as a kid growing up, chances are it was because your parents didn’t have the money or time to commit to meals outside of the house.
3. ‘Put it on your Christmas list’
pics five | Shutterstock
If you asked for a treat at the store or saw a friend with a toy you wanted and brought that desire to your parents, chances are you heard something like “add it to your Christmas list” or “that’s a good birthday present” from your parents. Even if they didn’t have the money for it in the moment, they made things work and made sure to save for it for a special occasion if they could.
They never made you feel less than or afraid based on their own financial struggle, as much as they could. And, in many ways, they taught you the power of “wanting,” which is especially important and powerful in our consumerist society today.
4. ‘Maybe next time’
S Prodution | Shutterstock
If you heard phrases like “maybe next time” after asking for something at the store, your parents might have been struggling financially but didn’t want you to know. They always pushed off things like a treat at the grocery store, but never made you feel guilty with an immediate “no.”
Even if they knew they couldn’t afford it, these parents kept the hope alive with their kids. They made compromises to surprise them, didn’t shackle them with the guilt of wanting things their parents couldn’t afford, and never made them feel ashamed for asking for things.
5. ‘Is that a want or a need?’
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Growing up with financially struggling parents probably also meant being constantly reminded of the difference between “wants” and “needs.” When you asked for something at the store, your parents immediately asked the question. They didn’t necessarily say “no,” but prompted you to consider where your desire stemmed from, alongside the framework of the value of a dollar.
Even if it was annoying at the time, a question like this often teaches kids an invaluable lesson — the distinction between wanting and needing. As adults, chances are they now have the critical-thinking skills needed to make smart financial decisions and not overspend simply because they “want” the immediate gratification of something.
6. ‘Some people have a lot less than we do’
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
If you heard phrases like “some people have a lot less than we do” or “be grateful for what you have” a lot from your parents growing up, chances are they were struggling more financially than you might have realized. However, there’s a chance you also had the chance to develop perspective in ways that rich kids did not.
You learned the power of gratitude from a young age and were likely more charitable and giving as an adult because of it. You didn’t harbor envy for the things you didn’t have, at least with the perspective of age and wisdom, but did carry a lot of gratitude for what you were offered.
7. ‘We’ll figure it out’
Inside Creative House | Shutterstock
Whether it was a permission slip for a paid school field trip or a fee for a recreational sports team you brought home to your parents, chances are you heard “we’ll figure it out” more than “no.” Even if they were budgeting harshly and struggling with basic bills, they found a way to make it work, so you never had to be “left out” because of the money.
Even if that meant picking up extra shifts you never noticed or missing out on little luxuries they never complained about, if you heard these phrases growing up, your parents were struggling financially but didn’t want you to know or have to worry.
8. ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’
SeventyFour | Shutterstock
If you heard “money doesn’t grow on trees” as a kid, chances are your parents were struggling financially more than you realized. They didn’t necessarily tell you “no” all the time when you asked for a toy or a treat, but they taught you the power of “wanting” — to not make impulsive spending decisions.
This kind of phrase also subtly hints at the value of a dollar — something many children miss out on learning before heading into adulthood. However, if you grew up with parents like this, chances are you’re now intentional about spending and cognizant of where each and every dollar of yours goes.
9. ‘As long as we’re together, we’re rich’
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Even amid the chaos of financial turmoil, people living in poverty tend to be the most gracious. A study from Nature Aging found that those living in poverty tend to be more giving — both financially and on a more nuanced personal level. They’re also more trusting, willing to help a stranger they don’t know, and assume the best in people emotionally.
So, it’s no surprise that many children whose parents were struggling financially heard phrases like “as long as we’re together, we’re rich” and “many people have less than us” to appreciate small moments of quality time and to give openly to others.
10. ‘We make it work’
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Even if their older children or teenagers started to notice the financial struggle their parents dealt with consistently, a phrase like “we make it work” is intended to offer comfort. Even without the financial freedom of neighbors or compared friends, your parents found a way to make the money they had stretch, making birthdays special, family holidays a joy, and your childhood a blessing.
Even if they dealt with job dissatisfaction amid financial turmoil or stress, making bill payments every month, you were shielded from that stress. You might have been taught the tenets of financial literacy and been set up to live a financially conscious lifestyle as an adult, but the shame and fear of poverty that so many adult children still live with today is something you partially avoided, thanks to your parents.
11. ‘Don’t waste anything’
BearFotos | Shutterstock
Whether it was food, changing the temperature on the thermostat, or spending money, if you heard a phrase like “don’t waste anything” often growing up, your parents were struggling financially but didn’t want you to know. Of course, this kind of mentality is also often associated with a sustainable frugal lifestyle, but for most, it was simply a ritual that prioritizing the little spending money they did have.
You were always conscious of how you spent an allowance, how much food you were eating and wasting, and even your comfort in a colder home than friends during the winter. You were taught not to “waste,” not necessarily to sacrifice little joys.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
