Needy People Almost Always Say These 11 Phrases When They Feel Insecure
They're looking for validation and acceptance in all the wrong ways.
Johnstocker Production | Shutterstock After a particularly rough day at work or just life in general, people want a bit of comfort and words of encouragement, both of which can make all the difference in the world. But for those who are extra needy and suffer from low self-esteem, they may ask friends or their partner if they're mad at them or wonder why they didn't text back. Unfortunately, needy people almost always say these phrases when they feel insecure.
For those who are overly dependent on others, uttering these words often can be a sign of deep insecurity in themselves. Whether it's with a partner or a loved one, depending on others to make yourself feel better isn't just unhealthy, it's truly toxic. It's important to be mindful of the language you use when you're feeling down on yourself, as seeking validation outside of yourself never does any good.
Needy people almost always say these 11 phrases when they feel insecure
1. 'Do you still like me?'
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While there's nothing wrong with asking this question, doing so constantly can be a sign that someone is feeling pretty insecure about where they stand with their relationship. Coming across as highly needy, these individuals need to be validated by their partner to feel okay.
While validation isn't a bad thing, living in a constant state of insecurity and self-doubt isn't the healthiest. According to psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner, "Generally, an insecure sense of self leads to behaviors that reinforce pre-existing negative self-expectations, creating a challenging cycle to break." While it's not easy, living in a state of insecurity can cause someone to engage in unhealthy patterns.
2. 'I just feel like you don't care anymore'
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Needy people almost always say "I just feel like you don't care anymore" when they feel insecure, because they want to feel loved and appreciated in their relationship. While discussing issues and insecurities is important, hammering down on someone and reiterating grievances is toxic.
Someone might care about them a lot, but for highly insecure people, they'll always be doubtful about another person's intentions. While their loved ones can reassure them many times, eventually, they'll grow tired and burned out, leading to more resentment.
3. 'Why didn't you text me back?'
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It sounds a bit obsessive, but insecure people can't help themselves from constantly wondering where they stand with their friends or loved ones. They jump to the worst conclusions, causing those around them to suffer the consequences.
Without even noticing it, they'll bother them more until they respond. And while their inner circle may give them grace the first few times, always asking this question is bound to run anyone insane.
4. 'You're probably too busy for me'
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It isn't a person's fault if they're too busy to respond right away. Even if it is frustrating, making someone feel bad for their business is a low-blow and can cause unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame.
So, while an insecure person's feelings are valid, their emotions aren't being directed properly. Rather than bother the person who can't control their schedule, finding ways to ground themselves and bide their time is their best bet.
5. 'I knew you'd forget about me'
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Sometimes, people go their separate ways. It isn't anything personal, but as friends or partners change, relationships don't work out. While it's hurtful in the moment, losing someone doesn't always have to be a heartbreaking ordeal.
According to therapist John Kim, "Breakups are not simply endings. They are transitions. They are the crossroads where your past meets the opportunity to redefine your future. At the moment when everything feels lost, a new version of you is waiting to be discovered, if you're willing to see the breakup for what it is: an invitation to reclaim your story, to break free from old patterns, and to step into the person you are becoming."
Their feelings are valid, but no matter how many times someone utters this phrase, it won't change the results. People still won't text as much or put in as much effort if they truly aren't committed to change.
6. 'You never have time for me anymore'
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It's hurtful, but sometimes people can't make time for their loved ones. For whatever reason, they can't text back or hang out as much, which means the next best thing is to wait or end the relationship. Of course, it's a lot easier said than done. And sometimes, they may send a passive-aggressive message, which needy people almost always say when they feel insecure.
Nobody can force someone to give them their time. No matter if it's a friend, family member, or partner, whatever time they have is for them to give. If they aren't giving an insecure person the time of day, they can either keep staying in this toxic cycle or find a way to let go.
7. 'I just don't know what I'd do without you'
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There's always that one person in someone's life who's their weakness. Whether it's a friend or partner, these people give us the strength to keep moving forward when we're at our lowest point in life. And while depending on that temporarily isn't a bad thing, being reliant on it long-term can be detrimental.
They've been there for this person during the toughest moments in their life. But as much as they don't want to lose them, depending on this person to get through the day isn't good. In the end, people have to find their own reasons for waking up in the morning.
Whether it's their passion in life or their goals, people should always feel like they can depend on themselves, even if someone leaves. As clinical professor in psychiatry Ahron Friedberg said, "Happiness is not just some state that exists independent of each person's particular, deliberate attempt to achieve it. The goal is less about happiness than about how to achieve it. It's about finding your way. Each of us has to deal with personal issues and overcome problems. But we can still work towards a certain contentment."
8. 'Everyone always leaves me'
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Many people go through a period of friends or loved ones leaving them. Whether it's because of life or misunderstandings, it isn't always their fault. Unfortunately, needy people almost always say that everyone leaves them when they feel insecure.
As hard as it may be in the moment, it's a normal thing. Some people are truly on in a person's life for a season. Whether it's to teach them a lesson or bring a brief moment of joy, looking at it from a positive perspective should be the main focus.
9. 'Are you mad at me?'
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There's no worse feeling than thinking someone is mad at you. Even if they know deep down this isn't the case, insecure people allow their imaginations to run wild. And while asking this isn't always bad, repeating it constantly makes someone easily frustrated.
After all, nobody likes repeating themselves or having someone question their intentions. But insecure people can't help themselves. According to psychotherapist and author Eric R. Maisel, repetition is something people do in order to reduce their anxious feelings or thoughts. Unfortunately, it might rub others the wrong way.
10. 'I can't live without you'
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On the surface, it may sound like a joke, but when it comes to an insecure person, they're serious. From providing them validation to helping keep their loneliness at bay, they thrive off of overly dependent relationships or friendships, even if it's toxic.
At the end of the day, they desperately crave connection, and with few people left in their lives, the few people they do have, they hold onto. It isn't the healthiest thing to do, but for an insecure person, so long as it works for them, it doesn't matter how it impacts them.
11. 'You're the only person who understands me'
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There are plenty of people out there who can understand someone and be willing to connect with them. According to consultant and lecturer in cultural psychology Marianna Pogosyan, "People are more interested in engaging with you than you might imagine. We tend to be overly pessimistic about how positively others will respond when we reach out to them."
Of course, none of this really matters for an insecure person. Even if their behavior is clearly unhealthy or toxic, they won't change. If they truly feel like all they have is that one person, they'll do everything in their power to keep them.
Unfortunately, this can backfire. To avoid this, insecure people should take a step back from the relationship or friendship and focus on themselves. While it's not ideal, only by working on themselves can they truly keep their healthy relationships alive.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
