People Who've Learned To Truly Accept Themselves Usually Focus On 7 Key Habits
It's never a coincidence when someone is truly happy, and it doesn't happen by accident.
glebchik | Shutterstock We hear the words "choose happiness" all the time. We even say to ourselves things like, "I just want to feel better" or, "I just want to be happy." One way or another, we are saying the same thing. But what is this "better" that we are reaching for? I firmly believe the only way to "better" or even "happy" is self-acceptance.
Over time, I have come to realize that self-acceptance is the key to "feeling good." Self-acceptance is based on self-love and results in self-care. If you want to feel good, you must first be willing to accept every part of yourself, then love yourself, including the parts you do not like so much. As a result, you learn to care deeply for yourself on every level.
People who accept themselves almost always have these 7 habits
1. They choose to be on their own side
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Self-acceptance means being able to be on your own side regardless of where you find yourself emotionally, mentally, or even physically. You don't have to believe you're perfect to be your own biggest cheerleader.
For example, if you find yourself criticizing yourself, being negative about your progress, or saying the way that you are doing things is wrong, you are not on your own side. Instead, you can show up for yourself and set ambitious-yet-achievable goals, help yourself back up when you fall, and remember that you're worth all the effort.
Yes, it may seem silly, but studies show that positive self-talk can have many benefits, including better psychological and physical well-being!
2. They commit to developing & maintaining self-love
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Self-love means you are willing to maintain a loving state of being towards yourself at all times. For example, even if you do not like the way that you are acting or you did not get the results that you want, you still know you deserve deep, unconditional love.
You don't see it as an instant fix for how bad you feel lit now, you understand this is long-term, ever-increasing support that will carry you through all the challenges in life.
3. They practice true self-care
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Self-care is your ability to put self-love and self-acceptance into practice. While there are many definitions of "self-care", research shows how valuable it is.
Self-care is any and every act that affirms and honors the completeness of who you are. It is not about doing something that is supposed to be healthy as much as it is caring for yourself in the most basic and intrinsic ways.
It's not about getting your nails done, buying expensive shoes or watching TV all weekend, though these can be helpful when you want a little pick-me-up. Sometimes it means going to a therapist or coach for support and advice, joining a 12-step meeting or finding a survivor's support group to start healing.
The answers are as varied as the individual, but they all come back to knowing what will help you truly take care of yourself.
4. They try to find the benefits in every problem
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Every part of us has a purpose. Sometimes, we might wish that we did not get angry or feel hurt in a certain situation, but if we learn to listen to why we are upset or acting the way that we are, we can start to see how that part has been beneficial, even if we are ready to let it go moving forward.
There's so much to learn from struggle. That doesn't mean we have to accept suffering as a way of life, it means that there are lessons we can pull from the worse of times to help us grow.
5. They practice loving others, regardless of their beliefs
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Loving someone does not mean tolerating bad behavior or having no boundaries. Loving someone includes boundaries and even getting upset when someone has wronged you.
You do not need to let go of love if someone's behavior conflicts with your beliefs about what is right and what is wrong. Instead, you can create guard rails of self-protection so you can continue to be an influence upon them in ways that won't put you at risk or enable behavior that you find problematic or self-destructive.
6. They love themselves as much as they love others
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There are some people, like your children or your partner, who you find yourself loving deeply, despite their flaws. Pay attention to how and why you can love them unconditionally and then apply those principles to yourself.
Research on the neural basis of unconditional love suggested that "unconditional love is mediated by a distinct neural network relative to that mediating other emotions. This network contains cerebral structures known to be involved in romantic love or maternal love."
Unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional acceptance or boundary-less relationships, and that holds true when you are showing it to yourself, as well.
Most importantly, it means loving yourself as much as you love others and offering yourself the same grace and acceptance.
7. They do what feels really good
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You might say, "If I always did what felt good, I would get nothing done, etc," and list other associations with indulgence. While that is true, there are many different types of "feels good" sensations, and they affect many different parts of the brain, it is healthy to allow oneself some joy!
However, indulgence and feeling good are not always the same thing! Pay attention to how you feel to learn what really makes you feel good. Then do more of it.
If you're in touch with your true self, you'll quickly know whether that "good" feeling is sustainable and healthy for you. If it is, keep going!
Dr. Kate Siner is a teacher, mentor, spiritual guide, and author who has appeared on NBC, ABC, Fox, and other major network affiliates to talk about spiritual and personal development. She’s spoken on WPRO, MX Talk of the Town, Consciousness Network, and TalkStream Radio.
