Emotionally Intelligent People Never Say These 11 Common Phrases Out Loud
Emotionally intelligent people care too much about the emotions of others to say things that would hurt them.
edualonso / Shutterstock Emotionally intelligent people know what is acceptable to say when someone is going through an emotional experience, and what is not. They care and are empathetic toward the emotions that other people feel, and hate to make any comments that may dismiss someone's feelings or invalidate them.
Due to this, they are careful with how they respond to others, and there are many phrases that they would never say out loud. These phrases would likely have a negative impact on the person they are speaking to and the relationship that they have with this person, so most emotionally intelligent people avoid saying these phrases to other people.
Emotionally intelligent people never say these 11 common phrases out loud
1. 'You're overreacting'
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People who are very emotionally intelligent usually avoid saying anything out loud and to others that would potentially leave them feeling like their emotions are being dismissed. For this reason, they rarely ever tell someone that they are overreacting.
“Everyone has emotional triggers — specific situations that evoke strong, often unwelcome emotions. For some, it might be the grief of lost opportunities or unmet expectations. Others may react strongly to feeling undervalued or wanting to protect loved ones,” explains Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., a psychotherapist who also teaches in the department of counseling at Barry University.
Someone who is emotionally intelligent will understand this. They will know that because everyone has their own emotional triggers, people tend to emotionally handle certain situations differently. Therefore, they will be understanding of an emotional overreaction rather than dismissing or shutting it down.
2. 'You shouldn't feel that way'
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Telling another person that they should not feel a certain way about a situation would likely leave them feeling like their emotions are invalid. Considering the impact this would have on the other person, an emotionally intelligent person would likely refrain from saying this.
Nick Wignall, a board-certified clinical psychologist, said, “Emotionally intelligent people are willing to accept other people’s bad moods and difficult emotions just as they do their own. They acknowledge and validate other people’s feelings without trying to make them go away or distract from them.”
If an emotionally intelligent individual told someone they should not feel a certain way, they would be trying to dismiss those emotions and make them go away. As Wignall said, when someone is really emotionally intelligent, they will not try to do this. They only want to try and help the person through their troubling emotions.
3. 'I know exactly how you feel'
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In the midst of a deep and emotional conversation with another person, someone with very low emotional intelligence will try to turn the conversation back on themselves by saying that they know exactly how the other person feels. People who have high emotional intelligence know better than to do this because they understand how to empathize with someone without being dismissive and putting themselves in the spotlight.
“Emotionally unintelligent people tend to dominate the conversation. Even if they are asking questions and appear to be listening intently, they always find a way to shift everything back to them. Usually, they have to prove that whatever you're experiencing, they've had it better or worse,” mentions Kendra Cherry, a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist.
An emotionally intelligent person, however, will truly listen and accept the emotions of someone else without constantly feeling a need to put themselves at the center of the conversation.
4. 'You're being too sensitive'
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A person who is actually emotionally intelligent would never tell someone that they are being too sensitive. These individuals understand that some people are very emotionally sensitive and that by telling them they are being too sensitive, they risk making this person develop a negative sense of self.
“Someone who is emotionally sensitive may, for instance, become both sad and self-conscious upon being told that they are too sensitive. And someone who is naturally emotional may well feel a variety of negative emotional states upon being told that they are being too emotionally reactive,” explains Glenn Geher, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the State University of New York at New Paltz.
This is not new information to an emotionally intelligent person. Therefore, they would not say something that makes another person feel worse or causes them to feel emotionally invalidated.
5. 'You always make the same mistakes'
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Telling someone that they always make the same mistakes is an absolute statement. Most emotionally intelligent people refrain from saying generalizations like this to avoid making a person feel dismissed or judged.
April Eldemire, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a psychotherapist, said, “Generalizations can feel unfairly accusatory and highly dismissive. They make the other person feel misunderstood and judged, which can spark immediate defensiveness but also hinder open communication in the long term, ultimately damaging the relationship.”
Someone who is highly emotionally intelligent will realize the detrimental effects that saying something like this could have not only on the person they are talking to, but also on their relationship with that person.
6. 'Just get over it already'
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An emotionally intelligent person is much more likely to make comments that help a person know they are welcome to share their emotions without needing to fear that they will be dismissed or invalidated. Due to this, they will rarely ever tell someone to just get over whatever they are dealing with.
An emotionally intelligent person will understand that they do not always have to agree with the emotions that a person is feeling in order to help them know that it is okay for them to feel the way that they do. “Simply put, emotional validation involves acknowledging and accepting another person's emotions, even if you don't necessarily agree with their perspective. It's not about "fixing" problems or offering solutions. Instead, it's about affirming that their feelings are real, meaningful, and deserving of attention,” said Cohen.
So they will not expect someone to just get over how they are feeling. They will want to pay close attention to their emotions and act as someone whom other people can confide in.
7. 'This is just how I am'
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An emotionally intelligent person will not be afraid of personal growth. If they find themselves constantly hurting others, they will realize they need to change rather than just telling others that that is just who they are.
Instead of refusing to grow and take responsibility for their own emotions and the way that they make other people feel, emotionally intelligent people embrace hearing the emotions of others, even if it is constructive criticism about themselves. They embrace change and are able to emotionally manage constructive criticism.
8. 'I don't have time for this'
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Emotionally intelligent people want to make other people know that they can express their emotions to them. That they are a safe place to confide in. This makes them avoid making comments like “I don’t have time for this.”
Instead of dismissing another person's emotions, they will be open to making time to listen thoughtfully to them and help validate their feelings. A statement saying they do not have time is unempathetic, and they would prefer to protect their relationship, along with the feelings of the other person.
9. 'I told you so'
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Emotionally intelligent people do not feel a need to fuel their ego by seeking external validation. By telling someone, “I told you so,” they would be belittling someone else for their own benefit, and that is not a common thing that someone who is emotionally intelligent does.
They understand that it is far more important to be supportive of the other person, even if their advice would have led to a better outcome for the other person. In that moment, it is not about being right. It's about being there for the person who is emotionally overwhelmed.
10. 'I'm sorry you feel that way'
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An emotionally intelligent person will likely never say “I’m sorry you feel that way” out loud to another person. Not only does this phrase come across as insincere, but it is also dismissive of the other person's emotions.
An emotionally intelligent person will be aware of the way their actions could potentially make someone feel. If they do make a mistake and hurt someone, they will take accountability for their actions instead of making it seem like it is the hurt person’s fault for taking things too personally or feeling the way that they do.
11. 'It's not a big deal'
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Emotionally intelligent people prefer to build trust in relationships and to respect the feelings of those around them. They understand that telling someone that the thing they are upset about is no big deal will minimize their feelings.
Whether they could see themselves getting emotional about the same thing or not, they understand that everyone has a different emotional capacity, and they will attempt to make the other person feel understood and validated. Emotionally intelligent people know what they should and should not say to make sure others never feel like they have to bottle all their emotions up. They understand that, by doing that, they’d only end up in more emotional distress.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
