People Who Are Jealous Of Their Friends' Success Usually Have These 11 Reasons
There can be many reasons why jealousy happens among friendships.
PeopleImages | Shutterstock When we were kids, our parents warned us against the "green-eyed monster," also known as envy or jealousy. Jealousy can sour even the best relationships, especially when the person who's jealous can't work through their feelings. While a lot of people grow out of this jealousy as they get older, sometimes their friendships trigger that feeling, especially when comparing their lives to their friends'.
Whether it's being overly competitive or feeling insecure, people who are jealous of their friends' success usually have these reasons. We're told that we should be happy for our friends, but it's easier said than done. There's always a reason why jealousy runs amok, and if you've ever wondered what makes a person jealous of their friends, now is a good time to pay attention.
People who are jealous of their friends' success usually have these 11 reasons
1. They feel like they will never get 'theirs'
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When someone is jealous of a friend's success, it may be because they feel like they're more worthy of people acknowledging their accomplishments. It's not easy watching everyone else get what you want, knowing it'll never happen to you. It may not be the nicest thing to hear, but that kind of reasoning can make anyone's jealousy boil over.
It's this whole comparison culture that ends up making people spiral into feelings of envy. But according to leadership expert and author Mike Robbins, "The success of others has nothing to do with us, and our success has nothing to do with anyone else. It's as simple as that. The only way to stop the comparison game is to stop comparing yourself to others. We are all facing our battles and challenges in life, and success looks different for everyone."
2. They feel cheated out of a similar success
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Whether it's a promotion or even landing their dream job, when they don't get these opportunities, people who are jealous of their friends' success usually have these reasons. We've all heard about people who never quite got over a pivotal moment in their lives, a moment that should have been their big break. For one reason or another, something went wrong and their break broke.
If a person feels cheated out of a similar success, it makes sense that they may be jealous or envious. This is most likely the case if you hear them say that a situation is "unfair." Now, this doesn't mean you should allow them to talk negatively about you or sabotage your own success. Someone who does that isn't a true friend.
3. The way they were raised encouraged them to be afraid of failure
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There are a lot of parenting mistakes that can make a child turn into an adult who's afraid of failure. People who are afraid of failure often can't stand being second best at anything. Oddly enough, being afraid of failure can make people jealous because it triggers that sense of perfectionism they have.
They feel like they could have gotten that, but that they're somehow inadequate because they don't have it. And seeing a friend get it reminds them of that fear and yearning.
4. They're insecure
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To absolutely no one's surprise, jealousy is most commonly sparked by insecurities. When a person sees someone attaining something they feel unworthy of, they often will express signs of jealousy.
For example, the friend who is jealous of her female friend getting all the attention from men might feel like she's not attractive enough to keep a man's interest. Or, she might be jealous because she feels like she'll never find her person due to her lower perceived self-value.
5. They're worried about friends abandoning them
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People often hear of music artists or actors who make it big, only to drop all their friends from "back in the day." If you're the friend of an up-and-coming rockstar or performer, the fear you might be left in the dust could feel real. Of course, you don't have to be a famous person's friend to feel that way. Even just being the last one to get a home or watching friends' careers soar can spark feelings of jealousy and abandonment.
Mental health writer Courtney Telloian explained how this fear of abandonment can affect romantic relationships, but platonic and familial ones as well. "Fearing others will abandon you may impact your interactions and how you interpret your partner's reactions and behaviors," she said.
"In some cases, you may even spend a lot of time looking for flaws in your partner or the relationship. While this can sometimes lead to the end of the connection, it can also serve as a form of emotional self-defense."
6. They have trust issues
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A lot of people can be happy for friends, even when those friends don't share their success with them. But others aren't that open-hearted. Many people tend to see friendship as a give-and-take, with a certain level of reciprocity. If they feel like you're getting all the reward, they may feel oddly entitled to a slice of that fun.
As a result, they get jealous because they feel like they should be able to share that, as if you wouldn't want to share the joy. Those trust issues may come from a variety of factors, but often spill over to friendships.
7. They're obsessed with what they're jealous of
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Obsession is a surprisingly powerful driver of jealousy, especially if someone is the type of person to get very focused on a person, a job, or a thing they must have. In many cases, this type of jealousy can happen with romantic partners rather than personal successes.
With this reason for "friendly jealousy," someone might have a little more on their hands than just jealousy. It could actually be a rare, yet alarming diagnosis known as obsessive jealousy — the belief that someone "belongs" to you paired with a crippling fear of losing them.
8. They have a crush on their friend
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While we're on the subject of obsession, if someone seems to be oddly jealous or envious of a friend who's in a relationship, it might not be obsessive jealousy; rather, it could be a poorly hidden crush. Combined with a fear of rejection, this can manifest as jealousy.
If they seem to pout whenever their friend talks about their partner, constantly complains about them, or otherwise seems to try to sabotage the relationship, this might be why. They're not jealous of their friend — they're jealous of their friend's partner for having what they want.
9. They're competitive
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It's normal to love a little competition — that's why so many people love to play sports. However, some people's competitive streaks can become problematic. That usually happens when they want you to do well, but not better than they are. Unfortunately, people who are jealous of their friends' success usually have these reasons.
People who behave this way are fine with competition as long as they're the ones coming out on top. But, sadly, when a person is in a competitive friendship, behaviors and actions become extremely hurtful.
10. They're showing narcissistic tendencies
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A person who has a personality disorder (such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder) always has a chance of getting jealous. Both narcissism and BPD are known for causing a heavy jealousy streak in people, even when it's a friend.
This is because seeing abundant success tends to trigger people with personality disorders. They might even perceive it as a challenge to their own value. Do they mean to act that way? No, and many might even realize that person isn't a threat to them. Sadly, having a personality disorder means they might still act out as a result of their trigger.
11. They don't actually want to be friends
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Perhaps the most painful yet often all too obvious statement is this: if your friends regularly act jealous around you, there's a good chance they're not really a friend. Just because someone hangs out with another person doesn't mean they have their best interests in mind.
Jealousy is never really healthy for a friendship, and while loyal friends can be jealous and cope with it, it also can destroy a friendship before it blooms. Sometimes, the most difficult thing to do is to admit that a friendship isn't mutual.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
