If Someone Secretly Wants To Be Friends With You, They’ll Start Saying These 11 Things Casually
Making friends can be hard, but when someone says these things, it's clear they admire you.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock Friendships are important. Growing up, it seemed easy to make friends. Just about everyone in your classroom became a confidant. As we get older, creating new friendships is tricky. Sometimes, it can feel awkward to tell someone that you’re interested in being friends with them. Being forward and putting yourself out there activates our fear of rejection. Even if someone seems really cool, we might be too nervous to approach them.
I’m familiar with this myself. I’ve met a few people through volunteering that I thought I would instantly click with. I noticed we had a lot in common. I was too self-conscious to approach them and ask them if they wanted to be friends. It just seems odd to do that as an adult, right? Instead, I would make subtle comments that hinted at a potential friendship. Now, they are some of my closest friends. There are ways to smoothly try to create a friendship. Kind and casual phrases can show their true intentions.
If someone secretly wants to be friends with you, they’ll start saying these 11 things casually
1. ‘We should hang out sometime’
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This one seems obvious. When someone says they want to hang out sometime, they’re likely interested in being friends with you. Something about you has caught their attention, and they think they would enjoy hanging out with you.
“If someone wants to be your friend, they’ll let you know in some way,” writes the Power of Positivity. “They might start by inviting you somewhere or adding you to their social media accounts. However, true friendship today seems quite rare as we lead busier lives than ever before.” It isn’t easy to make time for friends, especially when forming new bonds. When someone asks you to hang out, it’s clear they are looking to become friends with you.
2. ‘You remind me of someone’
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Have you ever been told you remind someone of another person? Whether it’s a celebrity or someone they know in their lives, it can be taken as a compliment. Usually, when someone who is seeking a friendship with you says this, they mean it as a compliment.
Usually, they’ll say something like, ‘You remind me of this person I know who is really cool!’ This shows that they have already formed a friendship with someone similar and would love to get to know you. They may think that being forward about how they enjoy your company may scare you away. It’s easier for them to compare you to someone else, hinting that they like a certain thing about you.
3. ‘Have you ever tried doing this?’
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I remember when someone I had casually known made their first friendship move on me. They asked if I had ever been to a certain coffee shop. I said I hadn’t, and they used that as a chance to ask if I wanted to grab coffee with them one day. It was a subtle sign that she secretly wanted to be friends with me. Now, we are extremely close. It’s worth it to take that chance if you think someone is cool.
A study published in Sage Journals found that it takes a total of 50 hours to form a true friendship with someone. If you notice they are hinting at hanging out by asking if you’ve ever gone somewhere or tried something, they are looking to boost those hours and form a friendship with you.
4. ‘I like that too’
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Connecting with someone is one of the easiest ways to become friends. If you mention that you like a certain band or sports team and someone chimes in that they like it too, they may be secretly trying to become friends with you. They are trying to show how much you both have in common. Common interests lead to close friendships.
I have met so many of my friends through our shared unique interests. Getting through the get-to-know-you phase with someone can be difficult because you aren’t sure what to talk about. There can be an awkward silence that makes those first few hangouts awkward. However, when you share a common interest, you’ll have something to talk about, and it’ll be an easy way to form a bond.
5. ‘You’re so funny’
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Who doesn’t love a good compliment? For me, I know a comment on my sense of humor goes a long way. It’s something I value in myself, so when someone tells me I’m funny, I might think they secretly want to be my friend. If you can connect with someone through jokes, there is potential for a tight bond there.
One study found that laughter is important in our society. When a group can share a laugh, it boosts the overall morale. “For people who are laughing together, shared laughter signals that they see the world in the same way, and it momentarily boosts their sense of connection,” says social psychologist Sara Algoe, co-author of the study with Laura Kurtz. “Perceived similarity ends up being an important part of the story of relationships.” Someone who enjoys laughing with you could secretly want to be your friend.
6. ‘I can be myself around you’
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It’s powerful to hear someone share that they are comfortable enough around you to truly let their guard down. It’s hard to be vulnerable, especially with someone new in your life. If a person feels a connection with you, they definitely want to be your friend. When they make comments like this, it’s no secret that they sense a bond forming.
It’s a compliment to hear that someone feels safe in your presence. The way you treat them has clearly had an impact on them. If they say this, there’s probably a sense of friendship forming on your end, too. They may secretly want to be your friend and are hoping you reciprocate the feeling.
7. ‘We should team up’
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Let’s say you’ve met someone at work. They are your age or at least close to it. You find yourself talking to them more and more. You share similar tasks and occasionally help each other out. Then, you hear them ask you to team up with them. This could be a sign that they secretly want to be friends with you and are feeling it out by starting it at work.
This can happen outside of the workplace, too. Maybe you met someone who likes to do the same activity as you. They may ask to team up and do it together to form a friendship.
8. ‘You’re one of the only people I can talk to’
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If someone tells you that you are one of the few people they can talk to, they are likely lacking in friends. They could have just moved to your city, or they are going through a tough time. They felt a connection to you and are hoping to form a friendship with you. They might need a friend at that moment.
Research has found that having deep conversations can sometimes be awkward.
“Overall, the researchers found that both deep and shallow conversations felt less awkward and led to greater feelings of connectedness and enjoyment than the participants had expected. That effect tended to be stronger for deep conversations. Participants who discussed the deep questions overestimated how awkward the conversation would be significantly more than those who discussed shallow questions. Deep conversations were also more enjoyable and led to a stronger sense of connection,” one study noted. “In one experiment, participants who had a deep conversation with one partner and a shallow conversation with another partner initially expected to prefer the shallow conversation but actually preferred the deep conversation after having both of them.”
If someone is comfortable having deep conversations with you, they secretly want to be your friend.
9. ‘You’re so chill’
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If someone secretly wants to be your friend, they will let you know that they mesh well with your vibe. Did someone recently tell you how ‘chill’ they think you are? They picked up on your energy and connected to it. It’s a compliment. They likely want to be your friend.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t match my energy. If someone notices this about you, they will be drawn to you. When someone is ‘chill,’ they are easy to connect with. It’s great ground to start a friendship on.
10. ‘I think that’s cool’
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Have you had a conversation with someone you don’t know well, where you casually mention something about yourself? Maybe it’s something like where you went to college or the diet you choose to follow. If you notice that a person perks up, you may have said something that caught their attention. They’ll say something like, ‘I think that’s cool!’ hinting that they secretly want to be friends with you.
“Being cool is, in a nutshell, embracing your individuality in whatever you pursue. From the clothing you wear to the attitude you have, coolness is a result of how you view yourself. It is being proud of who you are and not apologizing for your differences or your style,” says The Tidalist. “At the same time, however, being presentable and well-groomed is a habit that we must all put into practice every day. The way we look is a very clear indication of how we feel about ourselves, so taking pride in your look and appearance says a lot about who you are and how you feel, especially to those around us.”
This is what someone is complimenting when they say something you like is cool.
11. ‘What are you doing this weekend?’
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Let’s say you met someone at work. They may ask you what you’re doing that weekend as a way to jumpstart a friendship. They might be trying to get a feel for the vibe. If you’re not doing anything, they may ask you if you want to hang out with them. Or, if you do have plans, they might be curious what you’re doing. If it’s something they’re interested in, they could use it as an idea to bring up for a possible hangout in the future.
The weekends are for having fun. Sure, someone might just be making casual conversation when they ask about your plans. However, if someone secretly wants to be your friend, they’ll ask this to gauge if you’d be interested in hanging out. If not that weekend, maybe the next one.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
