If You Notice These 11 Habits, You’re Working With A Master Manipulator
Manipulation in the workplace can make doing your job difficult.
the stock company / Shutterstock Work can be stressful enough. When you throw in a colleague or boss who is a master manipulator, it can get even messier. I don’t know about you, but when I worked in the corporate setting, I noticed many people who held powerful positions used manipulation tactics to get their way. I remember how my boss would use things I cared deeply about against me. It was a way for him to get me to work harder, but it felt cruel and unnecessary. It’s hard to show up to work every day when someone is making you feel uncomfortable with their manipulation tactics.
Sadly, manipulation in the workplace is rather common. However, it can be hard to tell if someone is manipulating you or simply trying to influence your work performance. “Influence and manipulation may seem similar on the surface, but there are important distinctions between these interpersonal dynamics. While influence refers to having an effect on someone's actions or beliefs, manipulation involves the use of deception, exploitation, and other unethical tactics to control someone,” writes Jonathan H. Westover, PhD, for Innovative Human Capital. “Manipulation refers to the use of sneaky, abusive, or otherwise unethical tactics to control someone. While influence creates change through persuasion, manipulation creates change through coercion, exploitation, or deceit.”
If you notice these 11 habits, you’re working with a master manipulator
1. They try to charm you
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When someone is a master manipulator, they know how to get everyone on their side. They tap into their charm. When at work, this could be a colleague who tries to hide their cruel behavior by being overly kind afterward. They will count on you to question their bad intentions after they compliment you, even if they put you down moments before.
They will also use their charm to manipulate you into doing what they want. They’ll say things like, “You’re so good at completing that task. Could you handle mine, too?” They use their manipulation tactics to try to get tasks off their plate, and it’s easy to accomplish when they use charm in the process.
2. They play the victim
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Someone manipulative, especially at work, will always try to pin their problems on other people. If they mess up at work, it’s easy to shift the blame to someone else. They’ll find a way to be a victim in every situation. This becomes especially harmful when they target people with compassion.
“Although a kind person wishes to help everyone, it may be important to recognize who is manipulative and who is authentic. A person who is playing the victim tends to attention-seek, inflict guilt to manipulate, and use a past hardship to escape accountability in a current relationship,” Erin Leonard, Ph.D., wrote for Psychology Today. “Typically, a person who is sincerely grappling with a difficulty accepts empathy and feedback, does not want anything from the listener but to feel understood, and is able to be vulnerable during the conversation.
3. They gaslight
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Gaslighting is a serious manipulation tactic. When someone at work tries to tell you that you are crazy or overreacting, they are trying to get under your skin. They will notice you begin to question your own behavior or thoughts, and further their attempt to manipulate you.
“Gaslighting at work is when a fellow employee or boss (the gaslighter) manipulates you to the point that you question your own sanity, memory, or perceptions. The gaslighter can do this by denying past events, downplaying your emotions, or retelling events so that you take the blame,” says Shonna Waters, PhD, for BetterUp. “The personality traits of gaslighters cross barriers into all kinds of social relationships. Workplace gaslighting is just as dangerous as it is in a friendship or intimate relationship.”
4. They are inconsistent
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Have you ever had a supervisor at work who would ask you to do something a certain way one time, then completely flip the script when they ask you to do that same task again? It’s difficult for you to stay in their good graces that way. It’s a classic form of manipulation to keep you on your toes. They never want you to be comfortable.
“In the realm of human behavior, manipulation is often subtle and difficult to detect. It manifests in various forms, from emotional coercion to psychological gaslighting. One of the key tools used in manipulation is contradiction,” says Khianna Palmer on Medium. “Whether deliberate or subconscious, contradictions can play a critical role in manipulating the thoughts, emotions, and actions of others. Understanding why contradictions serve as a manipulation tactic is key to protecting oneself from such tactics."
5. They use your emotions against you
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I experienced this firsthand when I worked in the corporate setting. My supervisor would ask questions to get to know me, then use things that I was deeply connected to as a way to get me to work harder. It was a hard situation to handle. I felt like I was being manipulated by him using my emotions against me, and I was.
Emotions make someone human. When a manipulator picks up on what makes you emotional, they will use that to their advantage.
“Manipulators are experts at understanding, and using, others’ emotions to get what they want. What more powerful way is there to subconsciously convince you to see things a certain way than emotional manipulation?” asks Jamie Cannon, MS, LPC, for Psychology Today. "In many ways, it is more insidious, long-lasting, and duplicitous than other forms of manipulation. It causes self-doubt and will drive you to question your own sense of reality.”
6. They isolate you from others
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At work, it’s important to bring forward a team effort. Collaboration helps garner ideas. It makes a company innovative when everyone’s ideas are involved. So much of a work environment revolves around the ability to work well with one another.
When a manipulator sets their sights on you, they will attempt to isolate you from others around you. Sometimes, it is easier for this type of person to have one person do their bidding for them rather than trying to get a whole team on board. This makes them find someone they think is weak, take them away from the group, and shape their thoughts to mirror their own.
7. They lack emotion
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One sign that shows how manipulative someone can be is how they lack emotions. They are good at compartmentalizing emotions. It allows them to easily control those around them. They don’t feel guilty because they can remove all emotions from a situation.
When a manipulator lacks emotions, they don’t mind putting people down to get ahead. This becomes especially valuable in the workplace. They are comfortable stepping over any and everyone who stands in their way. They can get promotions they do not necessarily deserve because they push others out of the way.
8. They never admit when they’re wrong
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It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong. Even those who are not manipulative struggle at times. It takes a lot of vulnerability. Manipulators struggle with vulnerability, and they can never admit when they do something wrong.
“Manipulative people don’t often own up to their mistakes or wrongdoings. If it isn’t someone else’s fault, manipulative people often will find an excuse as to why it is, and it can be compelling. There is rarely any sense of accountability,” says Better Help. “This is because some manipulators may experience the two types of narcissism, grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. Grandiose narcissists feel self-entitled and have a sense of superiority, while vulnerable narcissists may feel entitled but are usually anxious or nervous in nature. Both grandiose and vulnerable narcissists may manipulate others.”
9. They think they are better than everyone else
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Manipulators in the workplace think they are better than everyone else. This can be especially harmful when they hold positions of power. If someone is a supervisor, they will have a hard time hearing from their employees. They won’t care about their feelings. They think they know what is right, and they will hold that over their colleagues.
When someone at work thinks they’re better than you, they will always find something to criticize. A master manipulator will find your faults and use them against you. They will make you question your own abilities, especially when they try to compare you to themselves.
10. They never apologize
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This one was especially relevant in my corporate career. My supervisor, who was a master manipulator, would never apologize for his actions. He would give me wrong information and still find a way to make me out to be the problem. When he would get frustrated and snap at me or my colleagues, he would never follow up by apologizing.
It’s draining to work with someone who thinks they do no wrong. It’s especially damaging when they treat you unfairly and never apologize for it. It’s difficult to show up to work every day when someone is manipulating you and making you feel bad along the way.
11. They are passive-aggressive
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Passive-aggressive behavior is a textbook manipulation tactic. They will use little jabs to get under your skin. When a colleague or a supervisor is often picking you apart subtly, it can make doing your job difficult.
“Dealing with passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace requires a nuanced approach that balances assertiveness with empathy. While direct confrontation may exacerbate tensions, passive acceptance only enables further manipulation,” says Berit Brogaard, D.M.Sci., Ph.D, for Psychology Today. “Instead, assertively calling out problematic behavior and setting clear boundaries are essential for succeeding at work and receiving the respect and recognition you deserve.”
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
