Good Wives Often Do 10 ‘Harmless’ Things That Make Their Husbands Feel Very Alone

Feeling alone or experiencing a chronic sense of loneliness with a partner is often rooted in the discrepancy between your expectations for a relationship and the reality of how it manifests itself, according to a study from the Behavioral Sciences journal. When our partner doesn’t put in the effort we expect or quality time together doesn’t feel as effortless as we’d like, it can feel disappointing and disorienting.

However, these feelings don’t pop up overnight. In fact, the pressures that isolate partners from each other are often subtle and nondescript in the moment. Many good wives often do specific “harmless” things that actually make their husbands feel very alone. It’s not an inherently gendered experience, but women can engage in specific activities and behaviors that make their male partners feel lonely at home.

Good wives often do these 10 harmless things that make their husbands feel very alone

1. She never accepts help

husband feels very alone because his good wife never accepts help bodnar.photo | Shutterstock

While men may lean on their partners for intimacy and emotional support more than their female partners do on them, like therapist Charlie Huntington suggests, they still find a lot of joy in practically helping their wives. They want to support them when they’re feeling down or adopt the “provider” role for a fleeting moment, even in a nontraditional relationship.

So, when their typically good wives start doing more things for themselves and saying “no” to help, it can often make them feel very alone and inadequate, even if it’s actually a sign of their empowerment and self-assuredness.

2. She avoids emotional conversations

husband feels very alone because his good wife avoids emotional conversations eukukulka | Shutterstock

Even if it seems innocent and harmless, when good wives postpone vulnerable conversations or step away for a moment at the expense of quality time, it can leave their husbands feeling alone. Even if it’s not their intention to leave them alone, men often rely on their female partners for a great deal of relief from their pent-up emotions and feelings.

According to a study from the Ageing & Society journal, men don’t often turn to their friends or loved ones, outside of their romantic partners, to vent and express emotions. So, when their wives step out or prioritize other things, it can leave them feeling lonely and disoriented.

So, if you’re the wife of a good-natured man who often relies on you for a sense of emotional clarity or security, be intentional about how you approach these conversations and moments, because they’re more powerful than they might seem.

3. She jokes about missing single life

husband feels very alone because his good wife jokes about missing single life Juanan Barros Moreno | Shutterstock

Even if it’s in passing with close friends or in a sarcastic way in conversation, talking fondly about singlehood or reminiscing about the alone time it offered are some of the “harmless” things that make good wives’ husbands feel very lonely.

Single men tend to be less fulfilled, secure, and happy than their single female counterparts, according to a study from the Basic and Applied Social Psychology journal. So, when they hear their wives comparing singlehood to their happiness in a marriage, it can feel disorienting to have their single lives boosted and praised so highly, when their own experience with them was uncertain and draining.

4. She only talks about logistics

husband feels very alone because his good wife only talks about logistics Standret | Shutterstock

According to a 2023 study, women tend to take on the majority of mental and cognitive labor, like organizing, planning, and scheduling, in their relationships with men, on top of a slew of other household and emotional tasks. So, it’s not surprising that a lot of conversations with their husbands revolve around catching them up to speed on what’s happening in the logistical side of their lives.

However, when all of their conversations start to feel logistical, rather than intentional or emotional, that’s one of the harmless things good wives do that makes their husbands feel very lonely.

Not only does it sabotage the vulnerability that men often only share with their partners, but it can also make everyone feel like roommates, rather than partners.

5. She compares him to other men online

husband feels very alone because his good wife compares him to other men online dimel_official | Shutterstock

Social comparison, like comparing your own identity to social expectations and a partner to the husbands you see online, is a trap that many people fall into. Not only does it disintegrate personal self-concept and self-esteem, according to a study from the Current Issues in Personality Psychology journal, but it also sabotages the well-being of relationships.

Even if a good wife is making a subtle, innocent-sounding comment about a friend’s husband or a couple’s date night she saw on social media, it can quickly make a husband look inward, become more insecure, and feel lonely in the relationship.

6. She treats him like a child instead of a partner

husband feels very alone because his good wife treats him like a child instead of a partner Rawpixel.com | Shutterstock

Many women are fed the myth of “male incompetence” in today’s society, urging them to construct low expectations for their partners and often look down on them in subtle and subconscious ways.

From handling things without asking for help, to expecting the worst, and even “parenting,” rather than partnering, these are many of the seemingly harmless things that good wives do to make their husbands feel very alone.

Not only are they invalidating and often dismissive to their husbands, but they can also shift the relationships in an unnecessarily critical and judgmental way.

7. She multitasks while he's talking

husband feels very alone because his good wife multitasks while he's talking T.Den_Team | Shutterstock

While good wives often manage their responsibilities – from household labor to emotional burdens, and cognitive work – without complaint or inner resentment, they may also need to multitask to get everything done.

Of course, it’s perfectly acceptable and encouraged in some situations, but when a good wife uses a vulnerable conversation or argument to also finish paying a bill or to unload the dishwasher, it can make her husband feel very alone.

8. She barely ever touches him

husband feels very alone because his good wife barely ever touches him Alex Vog | Shutterstock

More intentional physical touch in a relationship is often associated with better relationship satisfaction, according to a study from the Scientific Reports journal. However, it’s also one of the ways that men show love that others miss or that wives don’t make space for as much as their husbands would appreciate.

Of course, stereotypes around gendered expressions of love suggest that men are physical in nature, but it’s true, to some degree, that they tend to prioritize physical touch more than their female partners in relationships. So, if their wives get busy or feel emotionally drained, chances are they’ll pull away physically, even if it makes their husbands feel silently alone.

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9. She expects him to 'just know'

husband feels very alone because his good wife expects him to 'just know' ZR10 | Shutterstock

Men want to help their partners, but they’re not mind readers. They can’t meet their wives' every need if they don’t know what she wants or needs in the first place. Of course, they should be able to read cues and body language to notice shifts in energy, but for larger, more consequential things, communication is key.

That’s why good wives often do “harmless” things like expecting their husbands to show up and provide for them without asking, which ultimately pushes them farther apart.

10. She puts everyone else first

husband feels very alone because his good wife puts everyone else first bodnar.photo | Shutterstock

Friendships are incredibly important for everyone as adults, regardless of marital status or gender. However, over-prioritizing platonic quality time without supporting or offering it to a partner can leave deep resentments and divides in a relationship.

So, it might seem innocent to go out with friends at the last minute or go away for two weekends in a row, but it’s actually one of the “harmless” things that make their husbands feel alone without a solid foundation of communication or quality time themselves.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.