If Someone’s Ashamed Of Their House, They’ll Usually Say These 11 Phrases To Cover It Up
If someone is ashamed of their house, they will do their best to protect themselves from embarrassment by using some slick words.
Andrii Iemelianenko / Shutterstock Many people who don’t feel comfortable, secure, or happy in their homes tend to immediately assume other people are judging them when they come over. Whether it’s a matter of stylishness, cleanliness, or general space, they prefer to avoid spending time at home with friends and loved ones to cope with their own insecurities.
If someone’s ashamed of their house, they’ll usually say some particular phrases to cover it up, whether they're attempting to meet somewhere else or offer an excuse for the state of their living space. Even if nobody else is judging them or cares about the way their home looks, they’ll always find a way to bring up justifications in conversations.
If someone’s ashamed of their house, they’ll usually say these 11 phrases to cover it up
1. ‘My place is such a mess, you don’t want to see it’
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According to a study conducted by Talker Research for BISSELL, a quarter of Americans consider housekeeping and cleaning clutter at home to be a “full-time job” in addition to their current work position. They don’t have the time to manage their home and keep it up to their standards, so they often develop a kind of shame about the state of their home when other people come over.
That’s why if someone’s ashamed of their house, they’ll usually say phrases like “my place is such a mess, you don’t want to see it” to avoid dealing with their own discomfort.
2. ‘It’s nothing special’
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If someone’s ashamed of their house, they’ll usually say things like this to cover it up, trying to lower people’s standards and make alternative plans before they host.
Sometimes, people who are ashamed of their homes may even project their own insecurities onto others, using phrases like “it’s nothing special” or “I know it’s gross” before other people have a chance to say anything. Even if it helps them to cover up their own internal insecurities, it actually paints a more negative picture in other people’s minds immediately.
3. ‘We’re not staying here long’
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By suggesting that their living space is only temporary, someone who’s ashamed of their house can protect themselves from the perceived judgment of others. They project their feelings of embarrassment onto others and use phrases like “we’re not staying here long” to self-soothe while hosting.
Of course, harboring “house shame” and embarrassment often stems from growing up in a place that is consistently messy or unkept. They internalize the shame they felt growing up and automatically assume other people are making similar judgments, leading to a slew of avoidant behaviors and coping mechanisms.
4. ‘Let’s just go out’
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Instead of owning up to their embarrassment or insecurity about their home before hosting people they trust, people who are ashamed of their homes use phrases like “let’s just go out” to cover it up.
They’d prefer to avoid their home, so they can enjoy spending time with other people, rather than spiraling about the judgment, criticism, and rudeness they autonomically perceive to be coming from others.
5. ‘Parking is a nightmare here’
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By blaming their avoidance of their living space on excuses like “the parking is really bad,” someone ashamed of their house can protect their own comfort. They go to other people’s homes or meet in public, protecting themselves from the judgment they believe other people will offer them simply for not having a clean or stylish home.
Of course, nobody is actually paying as close attention to us, our cleanliness, or our living spaces like we think they are. We psyche ourselves out about judgment and critique, even if nobody is offering them to us on their own.
6. ‘I haven’t had the time to clean’
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According to another Talker Research and Swiffer study, one in nine people admits their living spaces are consistently not “up to their standards,” whether that’s in regard to stylishness or cleanliness. They use excuses like “I haven’t had time to clean,” which could be perfectly honest, to cover up their embarrassment about their living spaces.
Of course, a lack of free time to engage in chores and household labor is often common for many Americans, struggling with multiple jobs, family responsibilities, and financial obligations, which make it hard to clean.
7. ‘It’ll be more fun if we meet somewhere’
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According to a study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, adults with strong social connections and friendships tend to boast higher life satisfaction and happiness compared to those who don’t. Whether they’re spending quality time outside of the home or simply enjoying each other's company on the couch watching TV together, these friendships add true value to our lives.
However, when people lean into the discomfort of their shame and cancel plans because they’re embarrassed by their house, they sabotage those relationships. If you’re truly close with someone, the state of your house shouldn’t matter. That’s why phrases like “it’ll be more fun if we meet somewhere” are misguided after a while. It’s a breach of trust and an avoidance of true vulnerability.
8. ‘It’s so noisy at my place, you won’t be able to relax’
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While consistent loud noise at home can distract people from connection and even sabotage cognitive abilities in more extreme cases, according to a 2019 study, usually when someone uses a phrase like this, it’s a cover-up for embarrassment. They don’t want people in their home because it’s messy, small, or doesn’t meet their standards, not because it’s too loud.
Of course, people who truly want to spend time with you don’t care about the state of your house or how loud your kids are. They’re going to come and prioritize quality time regardless of where you are.
9. ‘I’m not ready for guests’
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Rather than saying “no” or asking to meet at someone else’s space, a person who is ashamed of their house usually uses a phrase like “I’m not ready for guests” to cover it up. Even if their friends and family don’t actually care about the state of their house, just spending quality time with them, shame is a powerful emotion that can urge people into behaviors that they’d otherwise avoid.
So, instead of owning up to their discomfort in their space, they justify spending time away from it, covering up their embarrassment with claims of “not being ready” or “not having time to clean.”
10. ‘It’s a bit too cramped for hosting’
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Even though many people place a lot of value on the size of their home or living space, as it’s a status symbol in some ways, it’s often less important than people believe. The connection, community, and vibe of a space are far more influential, according to a study published in the Journal of Environmental Psychology.
So, if someone regularly uses a phrase like “it’s a bit too cramped for hosting,” chances are they’re ashamed of their house, not truly concerned about hosting without enough square footage.
11. ‘It’s a work in progress’
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Many people hit financial obstacles and time constraints that make renovating their house into their ideal living space much harder to achieve. They’re also the same ones who largely feel embarrassed about their home, yet are unable to change anything or envision their space in a more self-expressive way.
Especially when their “work in progress” space doesn’t feel like a true reflection of their own identity, it’s not entirely uncommon for people to shy away from letting guests in or to struggle with a sense of shame.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
