11 Things True Narcissists Do When Things Don’t Go Their Way, According To Psychology
Narcissists show their anger with ease when things don’t go their way.
ShishkinStudio / Shutterstock Narcissists believe that they are the only person who matters. Their self-importance often overrides their feelings for anyone or anything else. This behavior can cause serious issues in the workplace, with family and friends, and in their financial stability.
True narcissists need everything to go their way, and they will act accordingly when that doesn't happen. Due to their entitlement and lack of empathy, they are willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want. They don’t mind putting people down or cheating their way to the top as long as they satisfy their desires. This type of person will never put anyone’s needs above their own. When they do not get what they want, they will do these things according to psychology.
These are 11 things true narcissists do when things don’t go their way, according to psychology
1. Fly into a rage
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Narcissists believe they should have everything they want, when they want it. When that doesn’t pan out, they can fly into a narcissistic rage. If feelings of entitlement aren’t met for a narcissist, psychology states that they may become manic and act out accordingly. However, this rage doesn’t always come across as direct anger at someone or something.
As psychotherapist Joe Burgo noted, “ A person in manic flight may not appear to be enraged, but nonetheless expresses hatred for the frustrating limitations of reality by defying them.” This could look like going on a spending spree when they feel limited financially by their job.
2. Place blame on everyone but themselves
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If a narcissist doesn’t get what they want, it’s everyone’s fault but their own. It’s a classic defense mechanism that protects their own self-esteem, allowing them to continue to view themselves as perfect.
Whether it’s going for a promotion at work and not getting it, or acting out on impulsive thoughts and not getting the outcome they wanted, narcissists have a hard time accepting their errors. They will place the blame on anyone but themselves.
3. Play the victim
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When something doesn’t go a true narcissist's way, they are quick to act like they are the victim. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. They can manipulate any situation to make others feel sorry for them.
“Narcissists' compulsion to frame their experience as unjust and take the victim stance stems from their underlying instability and compensatory grandiosity,” Julie L. Hall explained. “But playing up the part of the tragically wronged victim is also a manipulative strategy that serves their desire to control others and sidestep accountability for their opportunistic and abusive behavior.”
4. End relationships with anyone who challenges them
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A narcissist uses relationships to their advantage. Friends, significant others, business partners, and family members can easily boost their ego when they need it. They will keep these people around until they do something that upsets them. Then, they are happy to cleanly cut that person off.
One study found that narcissists have a difficult time maintaining long-term relationships, especially romantic ones. They find it easy to cut out anyone who may question their authority or success. A term was coined for this practice — narcissist discard — which describes their ability to let go of relationships that don’t serve them.
5. Get even
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If a narcissist feels wronged, they will want to do anything they can to get even. Seeking revenge is an easy way to put someone else down while building their ego back up.
Research has found that narcissists have a difficult time with forgiveness. Once they feel wronged, they are more likely to seek revenge against that person than the average person. Vengeance can go hand-in-hand with narcissism.
6. Create smear campaigns against anyone who stands in their way
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Narcissists won’t only seek revenge for themselves, but they will also find a way to turn more people against whoever they feel did them wrong. They don’t want to appear vulnerable or weak when they’re upset, so they will begin a smear campaign to hide true emotions.
A narcissistic smear campaign uses manipulation to attack someone’s character. This is especially prevalent in romantic relationships where abuse unfolds at the hands of the narcissist. They will try their best to convince others that the victim was the real problem, not them.
7. Become withdrawn
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When something doesn’t go a true narcissist's way, they will become withdrawn. This tactic is used as a way to punish the person they feel wronged them.
Not getting their way is a major blow to their ego. If someone isn’t giving a narcissist what they need, they will withdraw communication as a way to control others. This behavior can also protect them from the shame they may feel from their behavior.
8. Sabotage others
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Deeply rooted in insecurity, a narcissist will look to sabotage anyone whom they may view as more successful than themselves. If someone at work got a promotion over them, they will try to prove they were more deserving by taking that other person down. This comes from narcissistic envy.
Narcissists tend to envy those who are successful, as they perceive themselves as superior and struggle to understand why others excel in a particular job or task. To get even, they will try to sabotage those they envy.
9. Live in denial
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Narcissists have a hard time coming to terms with things not going their way. This is another way to protect their fragile self-esteem. If they block out something that happened, they can ignore its consequences on their well-being.
Living in denial allows them to justify their actions. It prevents them from having to come to terms with who they really are. They will not admit fault in their actions and instead ignore anything that doesn’t suit their image of themselves.
10. Gaslight others
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Gaslighting is a form of abuse that narcissists find easy to use. This is a form of manipulation that allows them to protect their own egos by convincing another person that things may not be as they seem.
“Narcissistic gaslighting can sometimes have an element of sadistic pleasure; individuals engaging in the manipulation may derive a sense of satisfaction, power, or enjoyment from causing confusion, doubt, and distress in their victims,” stated mental health writer Anna Drescher. “Their goal is to make their victims doubt their beliefs and perceptions so they can manipulate them into submission and compliance.”
11. Become hypercritical
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One way to dismiss their own flaws is to point them out in others. When a narcissist doesn’t get what they want, they will try to shift their unhappiness onto the people in their lives by becoming hypercritical of them.
Narcissists struggle with self-awareness. It’s easier for them to find faults in others than to take a look at their own behavior. They may try to play their behavior off as being a ‘critical thinker,’ but in reality, they are unable to come to terms with themselves.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
