11 Phrases Husbands Absolutely Hate Hearing From Their Wives
A woman should never utter these phrases if she wants to keep her marriage intact.
Andrii Iemelianenko / Shutterstock In marriage, the way a wife speaks to her husband impacts them both more than she may think. Even if husbands brush it off or don't react, this doesn't mean a wife's stinging words don't hurt them deep down inside. And while some phrases might not seem like a huge deal, there are 11 phrases husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives.
Sure, they might not confront their wife directly about her behavior, but any wife who slyly demeans her husband by uttering these phrases is likely to be unintentionally ruining her marriage without even knowing it. From unfair comparisons to not acknowledging their husbands' effort, every time they utter these phrases, it destroys their marriage a little more each time.
These are 11 phrases husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives
1. ‘You never…’
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The first phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "You never..." It's understandable why so many wives feel frustrated. If they're mothers and work a regular office job, most wives find themselves stretched thin. This is why it's so important to show up consistently.
Whether that's cooking, cleaning, or helping the kids with their homework, husbands should always do their part in the marriage. That being said, uttering this phrase when a husband is already doing his part is pretty frustrating. Not only is it disrespectful, but it undermines his effort as well.
And according to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., this isn't great. "When one partner feels unappreciated or unnoticed," he said, "it creates a sense of being undervalued, which can be detrimental to their emotional well-being and the relationship."
So, if a woman wants to draw attention to something specific, do it. However, making a general statement is the quickest way to upset their husband, which can lead to tension in their marriage.
2 ‘Why can’t you be more like him?’
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They say that comparison is the thief of joy, and most would probably agree. Whether it's comparing themselves to their overachieving sibling or a friend, constantly measuring oneself up to others is bound to lead to an identity crisis. And while most people can understand this, it doesn't stop some from using these harmful behaviors on their spouse.
This is why a phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "Why can't you be more like this person?" Sure, they might not think much of it, but this doesn't stop husbands from feeling the impact of their hurtful words.
This is why wives should always think before they speak. Otherwise, they might unintentionally say something that completely destroys their partner's self-worth in the long run.
3. ‘Do whatever you want’
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Now, many women never want to come off as a burden. Whether it's asking for food or asking for help, women hesitate to voice their opinion because they've been taught that being too demanding is a huge turn-off. As Karen Teller, M.B.A., and CEO Elaine Lyerly said, it's believed that if a woman speaks up, they can create a poor self-image that impacts their ability to advance."
Still, a phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "Do whatever you want." While it might not sound like a problematic phrase, the issue is that when women say this phrase, they really mean the opposite. For instance, when a guy wants to go out with his friends and she says, "Do whatever you want," a husband already knows he should cancel his plans.
And while this is often seen as something that just happens in marriage, it doesn't make it any less frustrating. After all, marriage is about communication. So, if a woman truly doesn't like the idea of him leaving the house, it's better to be upfront than to use mystical words that a husband is supposed to magically understand.
4. ‘You’re not working hard enough’
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Life has changed drastically since the 1950s. What once was women staying home tending to the kids has now turned into both parents working and raising the kids hand in hand. And while many men have adapted to this role beautifully, some men still don't pull their own weight, leading to tension in their marriage.
Whether it's setting appointments or refusing to change a diaper, some men aren't pulling their weight. But for the men that are, a phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "You're not working hard enough." Now, sure, a wife might be saying this out of frustration. Maybe she didn't mean to generalize.
But it doesn't stop this generalization from hurting. When a husband is doing all he can to make money and show up, the last thing he wants to hear is that his efforts aren't enough. So, if there's something specific he's lacking in, speak up. But if a wife is simply feeling frustrated, then it's best to cool off for a few minutes somewhere else. After all, a husband isn't responsible for regulating his wife's emotions.
5. ‘You’re acting like a child’
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To be fair, both men and women act childishly at some point in their lives. Whether it's during an argument or during a play fight, there are times when adults revert to being kids again. That being said, a phrase husbands hate hearing from their wives is, "You're acting like a child."
Maybe he is acting immaturely, but there are better ways to address the behavior. While it might be tempting to tell him how it is, this approach may not be effective, as anyone can easily become defensive and shut themselves off, effectively making conflict resolution impossible.
So instead, take a break. As researchers from the University of St Andrews found, even taking a five-second break can diffuse an argument. It also helps to use 'I statements' instead of 'you statements.' Even saying, "I feel like this conversation is turning a bit immature," is better than saying, "You're acting like a child."
6. ‘I’ll do it myself’
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Another phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "I'll do it myself." Certainly, women can often accomplish tasks independently. But just because they can, doesn't mean it won't lead to disaster in their marriage. From resentment brewing to feeling unappreciated, internalizing their feelings is a recipe for disaster.
This is why it's crucial for women to communicate their needs to men. Even if it is uncomfortable, refusing to speak up is even worse. Because while a husband is frustrated that his wife didn't voice her needs, a wife is frustrated because he should've just known. All of these complicated emotions can lead to misunderstandings, stunting their marriage in the long run.
7. ‘You need to man up’
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Many women know how harmful this rhetoric can be. From men growing up being taught to suppress their emotions, to men overworking themselves to the point of damaging their mental health, the saying "bring back manly men" undermines just how harmful bearing it all can be.
This is why a phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "You need to man up." Sure, men and women might need to toughen up at some point, but telling a husband who's doing his best is pretty disrespectful. Once again, change doesn't happen in the blink of an eye.
From getting another job to changing their habits, everything in life takes time and patience. Clinical Psychologist Robert Puff, Ph.D., explained, "When we’re patient, we can ask questions about the relationship’s end. And even more importantly, we can ask ourselves what we need to do in the present moment."
So, if a woman is pressuring a man to forcefully change without considering how long it'll take, not only is she being disrespectful, but she's also not helping in the long run.
8. ‘You wouldn’t understand’
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While some may disagree, nobody is ever going to understand another person fully. Whether they were raised differently or had different life experiences, these differences create a line that makes understanding someone else less likely. That being said, a phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "You wouldn't understand."
Sure, they might not fully understand where their wife is coming from, but just because they can't doesn't mean they want to feel shut out. By uttering this phrase, most women leave very little room to move forward and reconnect with their husbands. This is why it's important to avoid this phrase altogether.
Instead, wives can simply say, "Hey, I need a few minutes to myself," or even, "I don't know if I'm ready to open up now." Remember: while he might not understand you, it doesn't mean you should shut him out completely. Allowing space for movement should always be key in any conflict.
9. ‘I shouldn’t have to tell you that’
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Another phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "I shouldn't have to tell you that." Once again, it's understandable why she's upset. It's not always fun to have to convey every single need to a man who's supposed to know them better than anyone else. However, depending on the situation, those needs aren't always that clear if they've never been spelled out before.
So, rather than arguing, be productive and find a way to conflict resolution. Express your opinion and find ways to hold each other accountable. One way is by creating a chores list and hanging it in the kitchen; that way, there's no room for misunderstandings.
As psychologist Romeo Vitelli, Ph.D. said, "For couples seeking to stay together for the long run, establishing a real partnership, including a fair division of household responsibilities, is more critical than you might think."
Every week, sit down as a couple and come up with a list of tasks to get done and when to get them done. While it might take a little time, it's much better to do this than allow resentment to brew.
10. ‘I don’t need you’
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Listen, it might be true that a wife is independent and can do just as badly on her own. But let's face it: saying "I don't need you" is highly disrespectful. As a husband, he wants to be there to cater to his wife's needs and be a unit. But when a wife says, "I don't need you," it comes across as, "You mean nothing to me."
This is why it's much better to never say this phrase at all. If a wife is truly frustrated and at her wits' end, ask for time for yourself and calm down. Because even if that's how she feels, in the end, this phrase accomplishes nothing but hurting the person who adores them the most.
11. ‘You never do anything’
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Finally, a phrase husbands absolutely hate hearing from their wives is, "You never do anything." Even if that's how it feels, a husband does much more than sit on the couch. If a woman is married to a good man, he's just as involved in their family life as she is.
This is why it's important to identify what's actually bothering you. Like it or not, generalizing and telling a man he isn't doing anything will unmotivate him, causing him to pull back from the marriage and stop trying. So, even if it's hard, cool down first and then reapproach the conversation.
Not only will this lead to increased productivity, but it'll also prevent resentment from building between the husband and the wife. This is crucial, as previous clinical psychologist Catherine Aponte, Psy.D., said, "Your ability to verbally communicate with your spouse can significantly enhance the kind of relationship that will exist between the two of you."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
