11 Everyday Behaviors That Make People Secretly Think You’re Self-Centered
Innocent as they may be, these everyday behaviors make you look selfish.
Stayman / Shutterstock My friend Mike* (*name changed to protect their privacy) was shocked to discover that his family had started giving him a nickname for his selfishness. He was nicknamed “Me-First Mikey” because of certain things he did without having a second thought about it. When he cornered some of his friends to ask what was up with his nickname, Mike was shocked to find out that many of the little things he did day after day made people assume that he was completely selfish.
You might be Mike, whether you realize it or not. These everyday behaviors make people secretly assume you’re low-key self-centered, even when you’re not.
These are 11 everyday behaviors that make people secretly think you’re self-centered
1. Making ignorant statements
Prostock-studio via Canva
I’ll let you in on a little secret: saying disparaging comments about different groups of people will make you sound bad. However, it’s not just the bigotry that gets people annoyed. It’s the way that it makes you sound in terms of being able to empathize with others.
Simply put, it makes people think you view yourself as a main character, and it makes people assume (rightfully) that you can’t empathize with others. It’s not a good look.
2. Constantly talking about yourself
Nicolas Menijes via Canva
This is a habit that I struggle with, primarily because it became second nature as an only child. At least, that’s my excuse that I’m sticking to. Making yourself the go-to conversation topic can be fun at first, but it gets grating if that’s almost all you talk about.
While studies actually debunk the link between talking about yourself and narcissism, the truth is that it’s a widely held belief that tends to influence others’ opinions of you. In other words? Appearances can be deceiving on this trait.
3. Showing little empathy to others
dragana991 from Getty Images via Canva
A while back, I saw a social experiment where kids were sent out to beg for money under the guise of being homeless. Some folks were very kind. Others were fairly cruel, going past ignoring the kid and doing things like making fun of him or mimicking tears.
All I could think about was how rancid those people were. Being proud of being unable to empathize or put yourself in others’ shoes doesn’t look good. It doesn’t even have to be something so egregious. Sometimes, just being unable to understand how others feel can be reason enough to end up with a bad reputation.
4. Derailing conversations
racool.studio via Canva
Many people assume that complaints about a group of people are an attack on them, which can derail constructive conversations and turn them into victimizing conversations. For example, this often happens with women complaining about domestic violence, only to have men chime in with a “Women do it too.”
This doesn’t make the men look attractive or understanding. It just makes them look too selfish to be capable of a conversation. Sadly, this is often a legitimate indicator of selfishness.
5. Forgetting details about others
Minerva Studio via Canva
Do you tend to forget the little things people tell you about their lives? Perhaps you’re the type of person who forgets names or details they tell you. Truth be told, you might not mean to come off as self-centered, but it often does come across as if you don’t care about the person in question.
The rationale behind this is simple: they believe you don’t care about them enough to remember them.
6. Interrupting others
Creatas from Photo Images via Canva
It’s not just a matter of etiquette! If there’s one thing people love to experience, it’s the art of being heard. Better still, they want to feel listened to. It’s the easiest way to a person’s heart. When you interrupt someone, it’s taken as a sign that you want to talk at them rather than to them.
This is a habit that’s best to curb ASAP. It’s seen as a major social gaffe, even if you’re super excited by the stuff that you want to say.
7. Assuming you are their first priority
nicoletaionescu from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Many people tend to make negative assumptions about where they stand in society. They often assume they will be everyone's top priority, even as others have been waiting in line, putting in work, and more.
Whether it’s being the person who assumes everyone is looking at them, the person who just cuts in line and asks for forgiveness later, or the person who needs to be the center of attention all the time, it doesn’t matter. The outcome is the same: people notice that assumption and dislike it.
8. Saying no
Andrii Iemelyanenko from Getty Images via Canva
Believe it or not, having boundaries and saying no are often seen as selfish actions. However, unlike most of the other gestures that are on this list, there’s actually nothing bad about saying no. You have the right to set boundaries and enforce them.
You can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm, and more often than not, people can’t tell the difference between martyrdom and being a decent person.
9. Being loud
stock_colors from Getty Images Signature via Canva
As a person whose voice naturally projects to a booming shout, trust me when I say that being loud-mouthed tends to have a lot of drawbacks. One of these is the way people tend to perceive your behavior.
A surprising number of people view loud voices as a sign of self-centeredness. More specifically, they see it as a sign that you have no problem being disruptive or that you intentionally draw attention to yourself.
It’s not always true! Some of us just can’t register how loud we are.
10. Regularly asking for exceptions to the rules
RDNE Stock project from Pexels via Canva
Rules are not meant to be bent or broken. They are intended to help ensure a simple, orderly way to handle day-to-day things. Once in a while, a missing assignment or a verbal warning from a speeding ticket won’t hurt.
When you’re constantly acting like the rules don’t apply to you, that’s when it’s a problem that people notice. Looking the other way is not something you should expect. It’s a favor. When people see you abusing that on a regular basis, they take it as a sign that you’re self-centered.
11. Verbal aggression
Timur Weber from Pexels via Canva
Finally, let’s talk about the other major issue that happens regularly: verbal digs at people whom you don’t enjoy. In an ideal world, this wouldn’t be a widespread problem. Unfortunately, verbal aggression is a growing issue in today’s society.
This kind of behavior is a sign of both a potentially abusive person and a selfish person. Even if the things you’re saying are “jokes,” it’s still going to raise alarm bells for others around you. The reason why is simple: healthy people don’t feel the need to hurt others.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
