If Someone’s Emotional Intelligence Is Off The Charts, These 11 Things Will Give It Away
Someone whose emotional intelligence is off the charts is usually not only internally secure, but also socially intuitive and grounded.
Alex Ost / Shutterstock Many people with greater levels of emotional intelligence, and all the self-awareness, self-esteem, and emotional regulation skills that come with that, lead less stressful, more fulfilling, and socially connected lives. They don't constantly battle inner turmoil, poor coping skills, or insecurity in their daily routines because their healthy habits and rituals make dealing with these issues easier.
If someone’s emotional intelligence is off the charts, several of the things they do will give it away, whether they're on a first date, connecting with their parents, or meeting with their boss. They’re not only more grounded and present, but they’re also more intuitive and supportive without the weight of insecurity, resentment, or emotional turmoil.
If someone’s emotional intelligence is off the charts, these 11 things will give it away
1. They listen more than they talk
georgeclerk from Getty Images via Canva
According to a study published in the BMC Medical Education journal, expressing personal emotions can build emotional intelligence. Still, it’s really staying quiet, reflecting on your own emotions, and listening to others that truly bolsters this foundation of self-awareness.
That’s why the most emotionally intelligent people are also the quietest in group settings. They’re grasping the energy of conversations, learning about others and making them feel heard, and regulating their own emotions to show up as the best versions of themselves.
2. They don’t immediately react
SDI Productions from Getty Images via Canva
Immediate reactions are often emotional and lead to regrets, but people whose emotional intelligence is off the charts tend to be more intentional with their responses. People with strong emotional intelligence can flip the switch between instant reactions and intentional responses within a few seconds, ensuring they’re not making other people feel unheard or hurt by reacting in a wildly emotional and non-grounded way.
They regulate their emotions in the moment, look at the big picture, and do what’s best for them all in the exact moment, crafting safer spaces for vulnerability and more productive settings for conflict-resolution.
3. They apologize often
Alex P from Pexels via Canva
People who lack emotional intelligence and are instead fueled by insecurity, external validation, and misguided coping mechanisms often struggle to take accountability for their mistakes. They’re so afraid of being perceived as inadequate or a failure, simply for making a mistake, that they blame other people, paint themselves as the victim, and try to endlessly gaslight other people into letting their behavior go unchecked.
A study from Brigham Young University suggests that judgment often fuels their lack of accountability and blame-shifting mentalities. They’re more afraid of what other people think of them than how they feel about themselves. If someone’s emotional intelligence is off the charts, the opposite will give them away. They not only apologize often and take accountability, but they also perceive mistakes and ask for help to be opportunities for growth, not failure.
4. They’re not afraid to say ‘I don't know’
AlphaTradeZone from Pexels via Canva
People with internal stability and self-esteem aren’t afraid to say “I don’t know” and learn from someone else. That’s how they’re constantly growing, evolving, and changing. They're learning from people who’ve made the mistake already, asking for advice, and seeking out help when they need it.
Asking people for help has a number of personal and social benefits, according to experts from Stanford University, which is why people with strong emotional intelligence make it a regular practice in their lives. They overcome any guilt, anxiety, or insecurity that pressures them to tackle things alone, to protect themselves from perceived failure or inadequacy, and instead lean on the people around them to grow.
5. They’re comfortable with silence
borchee from Getty Images via Canva
Situations with silence aren’t just great avenues for emotionally intelligent people to reflect and emotionally regulate. They also provide space for everyone to show up in conversations or interactions as their best selves. For example, suppose they’ve just argued with their partner and they’re now sitting in silence comfortably. In that case, they both have the opportunity to think about their words and regulate themselves before coming back together.
Rather than trying to fill the time with awkward small talk and superficial comments, they sit with the discomfort of silence until it becomes a part of their emotionally intelligent rituals.
6. They spend a lot of intentional time alone
xijian from Getty Images Signature via Canva
According to a study published in the Cognitive Therapy and Research journal, loneliness is ironically tied to alone time, but not in the way you might think. People who spend their alone time intentionally, indulging in hobbies, reflecting on their behaviors, or engaging in active habits like moving their body or journaling, are more likely to feel less lonely, despite being alone more often.
Unlike those who spend their alone time doomscrolling, distracting themselves from their own minds, or avoiding discomfort, emotionally intelligent individuals intentionally craft their solitude.
7. They don’t take things personally
PeopleImages from Getty Images Signature via Canva
People who are emotionally intelligent enough to give people grace, even in the face of hurtful comments and behaviors, often learn how to not take things so personally. They know when to set boundaries when things have the potential to hurt their well-being or life satisfaction, but they’re still offering up grace and understanding to the struggling people they’re separating from.
Whether it’s a toxic partner, a parent struggling with their mental health, or a friend who’s doing poorly financially, they know that the behaviors, language, and habits they engage in around them don’t always have to do with them. There’s more to the world than their presence in someone’s life.
8. They don’t give unsolicited advice
ilonakozhevnikova via Canva
Unsolicited advice often causes people to feel less heard and more dismissed in conversations where it’s offered, sparking more stress and turmoil personally and within relationships. When someone wants to vent and seek emotional support, the last thing they want to be met with is solutions to get rid of the way they’re feeling.
That’s why if someone’s emotional intelligence is off the charts, not giving unsolicited advice will give it away. They’re not only quiet and active listeners, but they also avoid invalidating other people’s struggles or emotions by trying to solve them right away, unless they’re asked to.
9. They’re comfortable with vulnerability
Mizuno K from Pexels via Canva
Oversharing is often associated with attention-seeking behaviors that spark more anxiety than comfort, most specifically in people who are motivated by external validation and insecurity. They overshare to feel a sense of connection and belonging with other people, even though it ironically pushes them farther away out of discomfort.
However, people with strong emotional intelligence are often intuitive about the time and place to share their vulnerability and emotions with others. If they sense that someone isn’t receptive to their openness or is actively uncomfortable in a conversation, they don’t mind tailoring their words and approach to make it a safe space for everyone.
10. They’re okay with discomfort
Julia Larson from Pexels via Canva
Whether it’s making space for someone else’s complex emotions, resolving conflict, walking away from a toxic person, or leaning into therapy, people with emotional intelligence that’s off the charts are more than happy to lean into the discomfort of challenge and growth.
They know that hard conversations and situations will not only build their own sense of self and resilience, as a study from the Frontiers in Psychiatry suggests, but they’ll also bolster healthy relationships and closer connections.
11. They encourage people to feel better, not worse
Monkey Business Images via Canva
If someone’s emotional intelligence is off the charts, these subtle things will give it away – they’ll uplift people, make them feel heard, and leave them feeling better than when they started, not worse. If that means setting their own needs aside for a moment, having a challenging conversation, emotionally supporting them, or offering encouragement, they’re willing to do it all.
Of course, this looks different for everyone, and the art of comforting someone can differ wildly from person to person, but emotionally intelligent people are generally intuitive enough to know what someone needs if they’re not saying it out loud.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
