3 Situations Where Oversharing Backfires, According To Clinical Psychologist
Three moments when saying too much can do more harm than good.
See Plus | Unsplash Picture yourself meeting someone for the first time at a social event. You strike up a conversation. Before you can stop yourself, sensitive personal information seems to be spilling out of your mouth.
When we are uncomfortable with the truth, it is often expressed in communication with others. Research shows that confronting uncomfortable truths is a catalyst for growth and can foster stronger, more authentic relationships. Our insecurities and discomfort lead us to offer too much information about topics, with people, or in inappropriate situations. In our effort to cope with the truth, we overshare.
All of us have done this. Most of us can remember a time (or many!) when we listened to someone tell us information that seemed far too personal. Awkward elevator conversation, anyone? Or funny, tragic, drunk first date?
Here are three situations where oversharing backfires, according to a clinical psychologist:
1. Telling strangers way too many details
One common way we over-self-disclose is by telling people we are not emotionally close to the intimate details of our lives.
This could be anyone from a stranger to an acquaintance whom we don't know well. We may share sensitive information about our past, such as the fact that we were raised by an alcoholic parent, suffered extreme abuse, or personally struggled with a mental health condition.
While sharing personal information can be beneficial in appropriate contexts and with trusted individuals, oversharing with strangers can expose you to various risks and hinder the development of healthy relationships. One study found that it may also make others pull back and distance themselves, potentially leading to feelings of isolation.
2. Confiding in your children
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Another common way we over-self-disclose is by telling people information that is not developmentally appropriate. Parents often share information with children that the child does not need to know or that can be emotionally damaging.
For example, a parent may share details of their past, struggles in a current romantic relationship, or historical information about his or her family system that the child simply can't process or is not ready to hear.
3. Trying too hard to make conversation at social gatherings
A third way we over-disclose is by over-sharing in social situations that do not lend themselves to intimate conversation. At a dinner party or celebratory event, we may share details about an unresolved life situation, such as the fact that we are failing out of college, feel dissatisfied in our romantic relationship, or are struggling with chronic pain.
This simply is not the right place or the right time for such sharing. When we are struggling emotionally with the truth, we often disclose too much in interpersonal interactions. Our over-disclosure reflects our discomfort with some reality about our life.
Research suggests that trying too hard to make conversation can backfire, hindering genuine connection and potentially increasing anxiety. A more authentic, balanced approach focusing on genuine interest and managing anxiety is likely to be more effective in fostering positive social interactions.
Instead of confronting our insecurity head-on and making a choice about how much to share with whom, we share our reality with the next person who will listen. So, the next time you find yourself sharing too much, pause. Take a moment to decide whether you want to share this information or not, with whom, and when.
Cortney Warren, Ph.D., ABPP, is a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor of psychiatry at the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV). She is an expert on addictions, eating disorders, self-deception, and the practice of psychotherapy from a cross-cultural perspective.
