People Who Set These 11 Quiet Boundaries Usually Grew Up In Loud Chaos
They will dedicate the rest of their lives to making up for the peace they never had.
MKavalenkau | Shutterstock For people who grew up in chaotic environments, whether they were physical or emotional, they often seek peace as adults in ways that may be unnoticeable to others. Because the way we grew up shapes many of the behaviors and habits we adopt in adulthood.
People who set these specific quiet boundaries usually grew up in loud chaos, and will do everything they can to protect their peace. These boundaries are often subtle and seem like everyday habits that even people who grew up in calm environments may develop themselves. Even if they may be unnoticeable, they are powerful acts of healing and self-preservation.
People who set these 11 quiet boundaries usually grew up in loud chaos
1. Not answering phone calls without warning
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People who grew up in chaotic environments had little control over their surroundings, and many of the things they had to encounter were unpredictable. They may have had to babysit their younger siblings last minute or fix a sink that broke without warning.
This unpredictably may shape them into people who prefer a heads-up before their schedule is moved around. For example, if a friend calls them to chat, they may decline the call and get back to them at a time where they know it will be convenient for them. Since they always had to shift their focus on other tasks to give something else their immediate attention they weren't planning on, they try to minimize these situations as adults.
Many likely prefer a text message from someone who asks when they are around to give them a call so they aren't overwhelmed by too many things happening at once, similar to the experience they had when they were growing up.
2. Limiting time with certain people
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People who grew up in chaotic environments may limit the amount of time they spend with others depending on their personality. If someone is verbally loud and dramatic, they may only be able to handle them in small doses.
Emotional intensity can feel overwhelming for people who were surrounded by loudness and high emotions growing up. As adults, they may do themselves the favor of not subjecting themselves to the same environment.
"[Focusing on] the question of how you can facilitate your own wellness, it seems that a key is being able to set forth your own schedule and not buckle to the demands of others," professor and psychology expert Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD shared. "Part of this is that you set boundaries on your time and effort. The other part is feeling that what you're doing allows for your own sense of self-expression."
People who excuse themselves after spending a certain amount of time with specific people aren't being rude. They are establishing healthy boundaries that allow them to protect their energy.
3. Choosing solitude over social events
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Social events can be exhausting for anyone who grew up in a chaotic environment. They can be loud and require constant interaction, which seems more like a chore for people who are seeking a more peaceful existence. Some people may prefer to spend their weekends in solitude, curled up on the couch catching up on their favorite show, rather than going out and socializing.
Research published in PLOS One found that a healthy amount of solitude is actually beneficial to those who are craving a calmer life. "If you have a positive attitude toward solitude — because you use it to restore energy and know that you will be able to connect with people later — then choosing solitude will probably make you feel better," Morgan Quinn Ross, an assistant professor of communication, revealed.
If you were someone who was constantly thrown into chaotic social situations as a kid, recharging your energy in solitude becomes a necessity as an adult.
4. Muting notifications
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People who grew up in loud and chaotic environments have no problem muting their phone, email and social media notifications just to get some peace and quiet. It's one less ping they have to worry about hearing. By taking a break from their phones, they are protecting their mental space from the constant stimulation that they were never shielded from as kids.
Taking the time to be away from their screens and mute their notifications allows them uninterrupted blocks of time to focus on work, their health, or giving themselves a much needed break. The best part about online notifications is that they will always be there to circle back on a time that is convenient to you.
5. Closing doors in shared spaces
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People who set the quiet boundaries of closing doors in shared spaces usually grew up in loud chaos. They likely had little access to privacy, and there may have always been someone in their space, so the concept of boundaries was non-existent.
As adults, they may prefer to shut their doors in shared spaces such as apartments with other roommates to give themselves the sense of privacy they never got to have. Allowing ourselves moments of space without the presence of others is crucial for our sense of self-worth and autonomy.
"The importance of having time to self-reflect and process one's thoughts, feelings, and behavior without being subjected to the views and opinions of others is critical," psychology professors Shoba Sreenivasan, PhD and Linda E. Weinberger, PhD noted. "We need to develop our own set of values and morals as well as a sense of our own identity rather than rely predominantly on the views of others."
It is nice to have a door to hide behind in moments where we are craving quiet and personal space.
6. Refusing to engage in yelling
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People who grew up in chaotic environments may have been subjected to screaming and yelling frequently. They may even have to shout sometimes just to be heard. However, chronic yelling has a negative impact on all relationships.
"A raised voice can trigger our threat system — and by doing so takes it to another level. It can easily move us into a fight, flight, or freeze state," psychologist Bernard Golden, PhD warned. "Whether the yelling occurs between two adult partners, a parent and a child, or a supervisor and her supervisee, it robs an individual of a sense of safety and trust. It fosters constriction in thinking, real problem-solving, and conflict resolution."
People who grew up surrounded by yelling know how it can destroy effective communication. If they find themselves in a situation where someone starts to raise their voice, they may quietly remove themselves or refuse to engage, being painfully aware that the increase in volume in their voice will only make matters worse.
7. Avoiding oversharing
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People who grew up in chaotic environments may have never been taught about personal boundaries, failing to realize that there is a fine line between the things we share with others and the things we keep to ourselves. People in their homes likely knew every personal detail about one another, shattering any sense of privacy.
As adults, these individuals may choose to safeguard any personal details to give themselves a sense of control they never had growing up. And, let's be real, oversharing can get extremely uncomfortable. It is important to be aware of your audience.
"The content and type of conversations we have depend on whether we are with close friends, work colleagues, or at a client meeting. Understand who you are talking to and the goal of the conversation before you say something risky. And, if you don't want your Mom to know, don't put it out there," author Polly Campbell suggested.
8. Choosing to live in a minimalist environment
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A chaotic environment can be a cluttered and disorganized one. People who grew up in homes where there was a neverending mess and piles of junk may grow up to live a minimalist lifestyle, since it gives them a sense of order and agency they were always lacking.
After seeing how easily useless stuff can quickly pile up, they may opt to live with minimal items to avoid the clutter and disorganized space they were forced to live in. For them, more stuff might equal more stress. Empty, open spaces allow them to feel the serenity they never got to growing up.
9. Establishing steady routines
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People who set quiet boundaries usually grew up in loud chaos and fight back in adulthood by establishing steady routines. They may have lived in constant disorganization and uncertainty, and likely never had a steady routine that gave them structure for their day.
However, having a strict routine greatly reduces stress by providing a sense of predictability and control. When people know what to expect, it makes them feel safer. A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology found that family routines help to moderate impulsiveness and oppositional symptoms and traits in children.
When a person grows up without a routine, they may establish one for themselves as adults for structure and emotional safety. They may be strict with it, refusing to agree to any plans that disrupt it in any way.
10. Taking quiet time for themselves before any social interaction
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After growing up in a chaotic environment where downtime was rare, people may opt to give themselves a window of decompression before having to socialize with anyone. If they know they have an upcoming social event, they may reject any plans that cut into their time to recharge.
Instead, they will unwind in their bed, sit back, and throw on a movie or whatever allows them to fully energize before they have to do any interacting. Research has shown that regular windows of relaxation may help reduce the symptoms of health problems that are caused or worsened by chronic stress from not allowing ourselves a break, such as insomnia, hypertension, heart disease, anxiety, depression, headache, and chronic pain.
There is nothing wrong with simply needing to bed rot all day to prepare for a social event, especially if quiet time was something you never got to take advantage of growing up.
11. Protecting their sleep at all costs
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Sleep was something that may have been rare for people who lived amid loud chaos. They likely went to school running on a mere few hours of sleep, finding it difficult to concentrate and enjoy any leisure activities.
As adults, they will do anything to ensure that they get their eight hours, and sometimes even more if they need a midday nap. They'll ignore text messages and demands from their friends to go out if it interferes with their sleep schedule with no shame.
According to experts from the Sleep Foundation, sleep is an essential function that allows your body and mind to recharge, leaving you refreshed and alert when you wake up. The proper amount of sleep, usually around 6 to 8 hours per night, improves learning and memory consolidation, emotional regulation, immunity and judgement and decision making.
People who never got an appropriate amount of sleep growing up may dedicate the rest of their lives to making up for it.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
