Men Who Have No Social Life As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Some men struggle to express their feelings, which makes it hard for them to make or keep friends as they get older.
Oleg Golovnev / Shutterstock Life has a way of consuming so much of your time that some people may not stop and realize that their social circle has shrunk. Men, in particular, may struggle with having no friends the older they get, due to pressures from work, home, and themselves. They often believe they have more important responsibilities to attend to than simply hanging out with the guys every weekend.
Unlike women, who are more likely to have a strong support system, men tend to bury themselves in their careers rather than going out to meet new, like-minded people. It can be an uphill battle when you need someone in your corner to talk things out with, and there is no one there.
Men who have no social life as they get older usually have these 11 reasons
1. They don't have any regular hobbies
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As men age, their ability to engage in their usual hobbies may be disrupted, and thus, the social environments that once maintained their friendships is gone. Isolation tends to increase with age, and people feel loneliness even if their network size doesn't shrink. Even men who never had hobbies to begin with will find themselves alone on a couch watching television alone.
It's all about where his mindset is and his past experiences. A man who lacks hobbies may never have had the chance to be part of a team. He might have friendships, but they're not as strong as they used to be, as his friends have started families of their own. It can be a lonely experience, and the only way they get over it is by putting themselves out there again or getting a new hobby.
2. They put their careers above everything else
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Some of the loneliest jobs tend to be in male-dominated fields. Careers like truck driving, farming, or remote medical work can leave men who are trying to escape loneliness through their work feeling isolated even more. Among men, isolation contributes to unique risks, including higher levels of self-harm and depression.
A man will often hold his friends and family at arm's length to place his career above them, only to go down this repeated cycle of loneliness. He could easily reach out and regain connection, but doesn't because of his own internal fears. Men who are workaholics are people who are struggling emotionally, whether they want to admit it or not.
3. They strive for emotional stoicism
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Men often view other men as people to do activities with, while they view women as people to confide in. When some men try to seek emotional support from other men, they often face awkwardness or dismissiveness, causing them to rely on women to bear the emotional load. These tough-guy antics are what cause men to feel more isolated from their peers and society.
This could all be so easy if they stopped their emotional stoicism and opened up to other people. However, being vulnerable isn't their forte, and society will actually shame them for expressing themselves so openly like this. Instead, they hold onto this facade of toxic masculinity because it’s the only version that they were taught growing up.
4. Their marriage often gets in the way of friendships
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Marriage can often get in the way of friendships for both men and women. It might sound strange, but there are several reasons why this is the case. The first reason has to do with malignant friends who may not like your spouse or approve of your relationship, while the second reason has to do with being territorial.
Around 75% of single men had a female friend, while only 54% of married men did. Even if a man isn't friends with a woman but instead another man, his marriage will likely still come first. This can cause men to fall out with their other male friends who don't really see him as much anymore. They may find that he will text them less and less to appease his wife, which can cause him to have no social life as he gets older.
5. They have poor communication skills
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A man with poor communication skills might struggle to have a social life because every time he tries to muster the courage to speak to others, he somehow ruins it. This intense fear causes them to have social anxiety and be unable to engage with others or meet new people. Without practice or encouragement, their ability to connect will decline even further.
Cultural expectations around masculinity discourage a man from being emotionally vulnerable, causing them to suppress their feelings rather than share them. This emotional distance can make friendships for them seem shallow or unsustainable. As a result, these men may find themselves increasingly alone, not because they don't want to, but because they haven't developed the communication skills needed for the task.
6. They have struggles with mental health issues
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People are quick to judge men for their mental health issues, but this may be an extremely real struggle a man faces every single day. Men are less likely than women to seek help when they need it, and are often left on their own to solve their own problems.
Men who struggle like this often isolate themselves from their friends and family. It's not that they lose friends as they age, it's just that the more they struggle with their mental health issues, the more they distance themselves. One way to tell if a man is struggling is by paying attention to his actions and how frequently you see him in public.
7. They are resistant to new social circles
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Men who prefer routines tend to stick to their existing friend circles. Even if their girlfriend suggests that as a couple they meet new groups of friends, a man who doesn't want a social life will protest it. As people age, they increasingly prioritize existing relationships that are more emotionally meaningful than meeting new people.
This is because when we are older, we see our time as limiting and want stronger connections than superficial ones. While some friendships can be toxic and you should get rid of them, sometimes we lose the meaning of what friendships really are. It's not a back burner relationship to go to when you and your significant other are on the outs. It's a type of bond on its own that needs to be respected and not simply thrown away.
8. They have technology gaps
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Men are slightly different when it comes to women who have no social life as they get older, in part due to technology gaps. Men often use technology more in their personal lives, so there can be some limitations to how they communicate with their friends online. For instance, a man who plays on a desktop computer won't be able to freely communicate with his friend who plays video games on Xbox or PlayStation.
Age also becomes a factor here. If a man is much older but has friends who are much younger, it can be difficult for him to communicate with them on apps if he doesn't know how to use them. All of this can cause men to have fewer social calls and practically no social life. The lack of access can happen to anyone, but men in particular tend to be isolated the most using this type of tech.
9. They have a fear of being rejected
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When women are rejected, they tend to internalize their pain, thinking something must be lacking in them, but when men are rejected, they are more likely to externalize, often viewing their rejection as an affront to their masculinity or social standing. This can compel them to retaliate against the party that rejected them. It’s as dangerous as it sounds and pushes them into isolation even more.
One way men can overcome an issue with rejection is by giving themselves a little grace by not taking it so personally. Rejection is tied to your self-worth. If you have very little of it, it will eat away at you for a long time. However, if you're confident enough in yourself, you will accept rejection as a blessing. You can confidently say that there is someone better out there for you.
10. They have caretaking responsibilities
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Men who are caregivers to an elderly parent lack a social life because they have other priorities to deal with than going to a social gathering with friends. Unfortunately, men are at a higher risk for isolation when they are unmarried or caring for a spouse or someone in their family with dementia. For many men, they aren’t isolationists by choice when life deals them a bad hand like this.
Although they can try to socialize or have a life outside of this, it is incredibly difficult to do so. Caregiving can be a thankless, unpaid job that is difficult to do. We often talk about the financial costs, but rarely do we discuss the emotional toll it takes on those who are providing the support for the loved one in need.
11. They've had negative past experiences with friendships
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Like women, men can have horrible experiences with friendships. Backstabbing, gossip, and betrayals can ruin the friendship between two men. As much as some men may claim that they have better and less competitive friendships with each other than women do, many of them struggle to find and maintain them.
Some men struggle to form meaningful friendships because their past relationships have often been superficial. They may not ask many questions or they may refuse to get to know each other on a deeper level. Women may be catty sometimes, but their friendships tend to last longer because they are more emotionally intimate. Men don't have to go through life alone, all they have to do is open up a little bit more.
Sylvia Ojeda is a screenplay writer and journalist who covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest stories.
