Women Who Finally Stop Saying Yes To Things They Don't Want To Do Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Once women start prioritizing themselves over others, they notice a definite change in their lives.
ShotPrime Studio / Shutterstock For women, it can be easy to go with the flow and not be the one who's rocking the boat. She'll find herself saying yes to things even if she doesn't actually want to do that thing. Whether it's making an appearance at a party when all she wants to do is relax at home or supporting someone even if she doesn't agree with their choice or decision, women constantly find themselves in situations where they have to play the role of the nice girl to keep the peace.
It's part of this outdated expectation that women are supposed to be the ones who sacrifice for everyone around them, even at the cost of their own comfort and sanity. Eventually, though, something ends up shifting, and they realize that they can't keep living like that. They realize that always agreeing to things means that they're putting themselves on the line to appease others who wouldn't do the same for them. Once that lightbulb moment happens, they suddenly have no problem finally putting their foot down with certain things.
Women who finally stop saying yes to things they don't want to do usually have these 11 reasons
1. They've learned that peace is more important than people-pleasing
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At some point, it clicks for women that bending over backwards to impress others and make them happy directly correlates to a less peaceful existence. They find that saying yes to things when they really want to say the opposite leaves them feeling drained and disconnected from their sense of self.
"People-pleasing behavior can lead to mental and physical health problems such as fear of rejection, resentment, frustration, anger, addictions, headaches, stomach problems, and/or high blood pressure," explained clinical psychologist Jennifer Guttman. "It can result in weak boundaries, problems with decision-making, low self-worth, dependency, and low competence."
It's exhausting for women to constantly worry about how others are doing and how they can present themselves in a way that makes others feel seen and appreciated. Their people-pleasing tendencies and willingness to abandon their own peace of mind come at such a detriment. Eventually, they're able to see that and start showing up for themselves and having their own back. They no longer fear the reaction of others by setting boundaries.
2. They're tired of being burned out to make others comforrtable
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A woman who's always saying yes to things and showing up with a smile on her face when that's the last thing she wants to be doing ends up feeling burned out quicker than those who have strict boundaries. These women might be the go-to person for everyone in their lives. People lean on them for everything from advice to just regular comfort.
"In short, because you can't control how someone feels, you're not responsible for them. So much unnecessary struggle, conflict, and energy come from a fundamental misunderstanding about what's really under our control," insisted psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen.
For a while, this might not have bothered them, and they even felt emboldened to play this role for people. As time goes on, women realize that they're simply burning themselves out just for the pleasure of being there for others. They soon notice the cost of this burden. They struggle to feel fulfilled and seem to have a hard time actually sitting and resting because they want to be there for others. Somewhere along the line, they started to prioritize everyone else's comfort at their own expense, but choosing to finally refill their own cup will only help them break out of that kind of funk.
3. They're realized boundaries doesn't make them look weak
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Some women may struggle with implementing boundaries with people because they're under the impression that it makes them look weak or like they're being too difficult. They fear that by doing so, they'll end up losing people who are in their lives and creating tension just because they no longer want to appease others. They would rather be liked than be honest and set boundaries. However, there's nothing weak or dramatic about voicing your needs.
"Self-care is knowing our own particular priorities and our limits, and honoring those limits," pointed out psychologist Jordan Fiorillo Scotti.
Setting boundaries means that the people who are supposed to be in your life will respect and adhere to them without complaint. Drawing a line in the sand will show you who actually loves and respects you versus those who are using you for your presence and what you could bring to them. Once women realize that the best way to exercise their power is by saying no, they can't get enough of asserting what they need and expect from others.
4. They've stopped confusing silence with strength
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Women who no longer say yes to things that they don't want to do have finally learned that staying quiet isn't always the most noble thing to do. Just because they bite their tongues and keep things in so as to not disturb everyone else's peace means they're not allowing their needs to be met. Staying silent in the face of being mistreated or taken advantage of means that you're only doing yourself a disservice in the long run.
Over time, women start to realize just how heavy staying silent is. The things that are left unsaid end up building up until it's way too hard to ignore them anymore. Now, they choose to speak their truth, no matter how uncomfortable it might be to other people. They recognize that true strength comes from advocating for their own needs, rather than simply doing things for the sake of doing them.
5. They've gained deep trust in their intuition
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One of the best things that can happen to a woman who stops always saying yes when she really wants to say no is that she is finally able to trust her inner voice. For so long, she may have pushed it down and ignored it to keep the peace and meet all of the expectations that were placed on her, but eventually, she realizes that her intuition is only there to protect her.
She would find herself saying "yes" to things even though it would cause her nervous system to act up, and even when something deep inside of her urged her to change her mind. Once women start listening to themselves more, they soon realize that they can trust their decisions wholeheartedly. There's no more second-guessing and wondering if she's doing the right thing.
6. They gained real self-respect
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Women who have finally gained a real sense of self-respect and self-worth no longer feel the need to appease others with their presence and do things they actually don't want to do. It comes from choosing themselves and having respect for who they are and how they spend their time. They're no longer bending over backwards and confusing it for having compassion for others.
Self-respect means they're learning that their worth isn't tied to being overworked and overextending themselves to make others happy. They just show up as they are, and whoever likes it, likes it, and whoever doesn't is rightfully axed from their lives. This unapologetic way of living means they're feeling happier and lighter.
7. They no longer have a fear of missing out
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The fear of missing out on things can be a significant factor in women saying yes to things even when they don't actually want to be there. They pushed through and showed up even if they were emotionally checked out once they got there because they were afraid that if they didn't show up, they'd be left behind and forgotten. But, they soon realized something way more important.
"The solution to what you're missing might not be found in working harder or longer. Perhaps, it lies in acknowledging and grieving the inherent limitations of reality, while nurturing gratitude for the possibilities that do exist and bring fulfillment," encouraged social psychologist Sara Nasserzadeh.
Women learned that choosing themselves and getting over the fear of missing out means they'd find the joy that happens with not being at that certain event or occasion. They no longer feel the need to be part of every single conversation or moment, and it doesn't mean they're forgotten either. Their true friends and loved ones will always make space for them, even when they're not actually present in the room.
8. They have more room for creativity
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When women finally start putting themselves before other people's happiness, they soon start to discover that they have more time on their hands to actually be creative. Their minds are no longer full of trying to impress others and their needs, and so they have some space to actually dream and imagine. Research has shown that there are many benefits to being creative, including an increase in positive emotions and a reduction in depressive and anxious symptoms. Women who finally stop saying yes have more room and time to create the things they genuinely care about and be their creative selves.
They may have once felt like their spark was gone because of how emotionally exhausted they were from trying to be something for everyone else. Once they start actually protecting their time and energy, it isn't long before that curiosity starts to creep back in. They're now creating because they genuinely want to, and that kind of reconnection to themselves is always beautiful to see.
9. They have more space for the people who truly get it
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Once women stop saying yes to things that no longer serve them, they're creating more room in their lives for people who actually matter and get it. They're no longer accommodating to relationships with people who make them feel bad about actually setting boundaries and drawing a line in the sand. Instead, saying "no" more often reveals the people who genuinely care for them and who understand and like this new version of them.
The people who actually get it don't need you to constantly over-explain or apologize. They respect the fact that you need to rest and even encourage you to take as much time as you need for yourself. Time with these people feels more energizing and fulfilling because of how much they support your journey.
10. They have more time to sit with their thoughts
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When women are always saying yes to things they don't want to do, they're missing out on valuable and necessary time to sit with their thoughts. It's because there's always somewhere for them to be and always someone who needs their help. It's hard for them to actually take the time to pause and reflect on their own life when they have to show up and be there for others.
Once they start saying no, though, they suddenly realize just how much they've been missing that silence with themselves. Time alone means they can think more about what they want and how they want to live their lives. It's a form of self-care that should never be abandoned. We all need the moments of quiet reflection because without them, we end up losing parts of ourselves.
"Through self-reflection, we find calm amidst the chaos. It allows us to thoughtfully contemplate underlying issues and devise mindful resolutions. Self-reflection is like a mental sanctuary, engaging our logical minds when emotions threaten to overwhelm us," pointed out psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen.
11. They've developed a calm they didn't think was possible
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For so long, women who always said yes to things were just surrounded by unnecessary noise that they didn't even want. Their days were packed with all the obligations they had forced on themselves, which ultimately became their default way of living. However, once they started saying no to the things that drained them, something shifted, and they began to live the kind of calm life they never thought possible.
The chaos dissipated, and they were left with silence that felt too good to be true, but was true. This newfound calm allowed them to take time for themselves. They could sit on their couch at home and watch a movie or even take a walk around the neighborhood without stressing over other people's dilemmas and worrying about the next thing they needed to show up for.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
