Your Parents Did A Great Job Raising You If You Avoid Saying These 11 Phrases To Your Partner
If you were taught that respectful communication is a must if you want a long-lasting love, you know to avoid these phrases at all costs.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock How you communicate in romantic relationships is a reflection of how you were raised. Your parents should have taught you about love, respect, and emotional intelligence and modeled how to resolve conflicts in a healthy manner. The way you treat your partner has a direct correlation to the parenting you received.
One of the most telling signs of parents who did a great job raising their children is how they act when they hit bumps in the road with their mate. If they say these things during times of disagreement, they lack the love and respect necessary for true partnership. If they avoid these problematic phrases, they understand that high tension is not an excuse to throw empathy, emotional regulation, and compassionate communication out the window.
Your parents did a great job raising you if you avoid saying these 11 phrases to your partner
1. 'You're just like your mom/dad"
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Who doesn't want to be like their parents? Well, it turns out many people don't. Some folks have parents whom they want to distance themselves from. Growing up, their goal was to be as different from their mother or father as possible. Let's be honest. When someone tells you that you are just like one of your parents, it's usually not a good thing.
This phrase is often used to criticize, not compliment or inspire. When people say it, even casually, it could open old wounds, rehash past trauma, and create resentment. Weaponizing family ties is hurtful, and people who do it use things that might have been shared with you in confidence and with trust. Violating that sense of safety is disastrous for a couple. Emotionally mature people know that love and respect go hand-in-hand.
2. 'You're overreacting'
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It can't be stated enough how dismissive and disrespectful it is to tell someone they are overreacting when they are addressing something they feel super passionate about. Invalidating your partner's emotions is a quick and easy way to ensure that they feel unheard and will either shut down or escalate the problem.
Because every human being has their own unique perspective, what might be a big deal to someone else could be nothing to you. Having emotional awareness means that you know how to validate another person's feelings, even when you don't understand or agree with them. Hearing your partner out not only improves your mental health but also strengthens the relationship.
3. 'I guess I just can't do anything right'
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Not only is refusing to take constructive feedback and choosing to have a pity party instead passive-aggressive, but it also shifts blame and dodges accountability. Instead of doing better or being better, the person saying it has chosen to guilt their partner into not holding them responsible. Without addressing these things, a relationship is almost guaranteed to fail.
If your parents gifted you with healthy communication skills, you learned early on how to take rejection, criticism, and any other perceived slight. You can own your mistakes without manipulating the conversation and inhibiting your growth and development. Exchanging thoughts and feelings openly, with honesty, and with the utmost respect helps to foster mutual understanding and build a better connection.
4. 'Whatever'
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"Whatever" is one of the most dismissive phrases you can say to your partner. If your parents were not dysfunctional, they probably led by example and never made a habit of shutting you down when you had something to say. The simple one-word phrase tells your partner that you are emotionally avoidant and refuse to engage in constructive dialogue.
To say this in the middle of a conversation is rude, cold, dismissive, and unproductive. When you were raised to respect your partner, you understand that conflict isn't something you avoid. You should navigate it thoughtfully if you want to have the best relationship possible. Conflict teaches you more about your partner and helps you grow together instead of apart.
5. 'You always' or 'You never'
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Either of these blanket statements is rarely true. They only serve to escalate arguments and corrode connections. Once they are said, the person accused of always or never doing something sets out to prove that it's untrue, while the accusatory partner refuses to see logic and stands on what they said, fully aware that it's not true.
When you and your partner have strong communication skills, you know that it is much more helpful to focus on specific behaviors when making your point and trying to resolve relationship issues. Exaggerated generalizations only serve to cause further division and ensure that you will never have the love that you dreamed of.
6. 'I don't care'
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I remember late last year when the Lunar Full Moon was here. I was visiting a friend and went on his balcony to get a clear view, and it was beautiful. He came out and asked what I was looking at, and as I started to explain, he interrupted and said, "I don't care about that spiritual stuff." Needless to say, he hasn't seen or heard from me since.
Whether it's about what to eat or big life decisions, telling a person that you don't care signals detachment. It means your emotional IQ is low because you don't possess the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes. Expressing no interest in what your partner cares deeply about is especially wild since this is the person you are doing life with.
7. 'You're too sensitive'
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Blaming your partner's level of sensitivity is akin to telling them that they are overreacting. You don't believe that the situation requires the level of concern that they have expressed, so instead of validating their feelings, you have decided to dismiss them as irrelevant and unwarranted. This is reactive abuse, when you focus on the reaction instead of the problem.
People who had the privilege of being born to parents who did a great job raising them have emotional attunement. They understand and share the feelings of others and validate their experiences. It's as if they have stepped into another person's world, picking up on words, tone, body language, and other nonverbal cues. Being seen, heard, and understood is one of the best ways you can build nonphysical intimacy with your mate.
8. 'You should know what's wrong'
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Your partner is not a mind reader. It's not uncommon for us to expect the person closest to us to know us well enough to understand what we are feeling without words. But that's unrealistic. Though there will be moments where how we think is written all over our faces, good communication is clearly stating the issue and working together to resolve it.
Good parents taught their kids not to fall into the relationship trap of assuming their partner knows exactly what's wrong with them. They taught their children to express themselves openly and to communicate their needs without making others play the guessing game.
9. 'Calm down'
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Telling a person to "calm down" during a heated discussion is a really good way to ensure that they will, in fact, not calm down. In all of my years on this planet, I have never seen this work. Most of the time, it comes across as patronizing and dismissive, and is a very clear indication that you would rather silence your partner than hear them.
Those who are emotionally adept choose to validate and de-escalate rather than do things that will create more discourse. Their parents taught them that suppressing their partner's feelings is not a recipe for a successful relationship.
10. 'If you loved me, you would'
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Using love as leverage is an unhealthy habit that relies on guilt to manipulate your partner into doing your bidding. You take away their autonomy by forcing them into a position of proving that they love you. Never mind the support they have shown and the emotional safety they have provided. This is the thing that will determine how they really feel.
This might get you what you want in the moment, but over time, this type of emotional manipulation erodes trust. People who were raised with healthy relationship models make requests, not demands, to test how much they are loved. They know that love should never turn into a hostage situation.
11. 'I'm done' or 'I want a divorce'
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Threatening to end a relationship every time there is conflict is emotionally destabilizing. It's another way to get your partner to bend to your will, and, eventually, they will take you up on the offer. This can easily turn into emotional abuse and is a bright red flag. You are unnecessarily creating embarrassment and fear in your partner.
Making your person believe that you are on the verge of leaving is manipulative. It's an unhealthy way of coercing them and controlling their words and actions. Healthy communicators don't say things that erase emotional safety. They remain grounded and focused on resolving issues, not escaping them.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
