11 Subtle Things Manipulative People Do To Make One Person In Their Group Feel Bad
Not everyone has your best intentions in mind.
Eugenio Marongiu | shutterstock Isolating people from their social circles and even excluding them from conversations is a manipulative tactic that gaslighters and narcissistic people use to their advantage, according to neuroscience expert Berit Brogaard. Whether it’s used against their closest friends or a stranger, these toxic people tend to assert their ego and superiority by making other people feel small and insignificant.
A lot of manipulative behavior flies under the radar — it can seem harmless at first, but it's designed to chip away at your confidence over time. Whether it’s setting boundaries or drifting away from this person entirely, noticing and acknowledging their behaviors is the first step toward healing and protecting yourself.
Here are 11 subtle things manipulative people do to make one person in the group feel bad:
1. They pick on your insecurities
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Whether it's your voice, your outfit, or how quiet you are, they'll call it out in front of everyone just to get a reaction, usually followed by "I'm just joking." Many emotionally manipulative people with gaslighting and narcissistic tendencies will do anything to assert their dominance over a social interaction. If that means making other people feel “crazy” by urging them to doubt themselves or feel insecure, they’re willing to do it (and they do).
By calling out someone’s insecurities — whether it be their introvertedness or a physical trait — in conversations, emotionally manipulative people feel a kind of power over them, isolating them from the group and encouraging them to retreat.
According to a study from the Personality and Individual Differences journal, that tendency to pick apart other people’s insecurities is ironically sparked by their internal struggles with self-esteem — they feel better about themselves when they bring someone else down to their level.
2. They constantly interrupt you
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You try to speak, but they cut you off or talk over you, then steer the conversation away like you were never talking in the first place.
Everyone wants to feel heard and valued in conversations, according to a PLOS One study — whether it’s in a professional setting, with close friends, or amongst strangers. However, manipulative people take away those feelings of mutual value and understanding by consistently interrupting them or dismissing their engagement in social interactions.
Occasionally, people who interrupt don’t have bad intentions — it can be a symptom of their lack of attention span or even their insecurities — but in some cases, it’s one of the subtle things manipulative people do to make one person in their group feel bad.
To grab control of the conversation, shift attention back toward themselves, and isolate people from a social interaction, manipulators interrupt, signaling a disrespect toward the people they’ve cut off. Even if it seems innocent and subtle, a repeated pattern of interruptions can be a sign that a person doesn’t care enough to invite you into a conversation or craft a safe space for your voice to be heard.
3. They give backhanded compliments
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"Wow, you actually look nice today," or "You're smarter than you look" might sound like praise, but it's laced with insult. According to psychology professor Joachim I. Krueger, emotional manipulators often use backhanded compliments and phrases like “it’s just a joke” to disguise their hurtful intentions and avoid taking accountability for their mean-spirited nature.
Even if it sounds like a compliment, the hurtful intention behind their words can spark insecurity and self-doubt, prompting people to take a step back from a conversation or interaction.
The only way to truly set boundaries with a person like this is to be clear and to work on personal fulfillment. If you’re chasing validation from others and are afraid of confrontation, you’ll never have the foundation to stand up for yourself in the face of a gaslighting manipulator.
4. They leave you out, then act like it wasn't personal
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Plans are made, group chats stay active, and invites go out... just not to you. Whether it’s leaving them out of a shared group chat or intentionally not inviting them to social events, being exclusionary with invitations is one of the subtle ways manipulative people can make one person in their group feel bad.
By weaponizing other people’s insecurities and trying to spark embarrassment or shame in their victims, these emotional manipulators find subtle ways to hurt people, subtle enough that they can avoid taking accountability or responsibility for them if they’re called out.
5. They act unimpressed when you share something good
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You tell the group you got a promotion or reached a personal goal, and they respond with a half-hearted "cool." Downplaying other people’s success and dismissing their excitement is one of the ways manipulators keep the people in their lives “in check.” Sparked by envy and insecurity of their own, they never miss an opportunity to “one-up” other people’s accomplishments or make them feel embarrassed for sharing the things they’re excited about in their lives.
According to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, this type of attention-seeking behavior tends to undermine well-being and damage relationships in the long term, as it pushes people away from genuine connection and sparks resentment.
6. They compare you to someone 'better'
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They’ll casually mention how someone else is more attractive, more successful, more fun — always in contrast to you. Comparison culture can negatively impact people’s internal well-being and confidence, but when weaponized by manipulators to shame others, it becomes even more dangerous. By latching onto their victim’s insecurities and toxically comparing them to other people, they’re not only sparking unhealthy amounts of competition, but they’re isolating people from the group.
Especially in close relationships and friendships, always being held to unrealistic standards and expectations can spark resentment and tension that drives people apart.
7. They twist your words to make you look bad
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You say one thing, and somehow it gets turned into something you didn't mean, usually in front of others. By subtly gaslighting people, undermining their opinions, and dismissing their thoughts in conversations, manipulators can assert their misguided sense of superiority over others. However, these toxic behaviors don’t always come across as hurtful.
For example, someone who twists your words in conversations and plays the victim when they’re called out can make you feel unheard in ways that isolate you from casual conversations and interactions. Whether that’s picking out pieces and parts of your words or misunderstanding you completely, it can make even the most confident people feel uncomfortable.
8. They talk about you when you're not around
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Whether it’s spreading rumors on social media or gossiping behind a person’s back, manipulative people will take any chance they can get to make themselves look better by bringing other people down. It’s not only a personal attack on self-esteem, but also a detriment to personal relationships, as it encourages people to feel misunderstood and isolated from those around them.
It’s one of the key traits of a person with a narcissistic personality — speaking negatively about people behind their back — as it gives them a route to avoid taking accountability when they’re called out. Even if it means spreading more confusion and resentment in a group, it ultimately makes them feel more secure, as they’re in control of the negative narrative and rumors.
9. They ice you out with the silent treatment
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One day, they're warm and friendly. Next, you're getting the cold shoulder with no explanation. Oftentimes, people who use tactics like avoiding hard conversations or giving others “the silent treatment” are inherently transactional. They not only weaponize their affection, understanding, and grace when they’re getting something in return, but they also refuse to make compromises and put their own needs to the side to help others (unless there’s someone to observe their empathy).
These people aren’t just manipulators — making you feel insecure and ashamed for asking for grace or expressing your concerns — they’re bad friends, partners, and parents.
10. They play the victim whenever they're called out
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Try to address their behavior, and suddenly you're the bad guy. To avoid taking accountability and shift blame onto others, emotional manipulators often play the victim. Instead of owning up to their mistakes, they blame other people, portraying themselves as victims even in situations where they were the perpetrators.
It’s one of the subtle things manipulative people do to make one person in their group feel bad, especially when it’s in the face of someone else’s boundary. At the same time, they’re being called out for toxic behavior, or in the face of their insecurities or embarrassment.
11. They make fun of your feelings
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If you open up about something real, they might smirk, roll their eyes, or bring it up later as a punchline. When someone dares to set a boundary or express their emotions in a group scenario, they’re often just looking to feel heard and valued. However, manipulative people take advantage of this vulnerability, weaponizing it at a later date or criticizing them for it in the moment.
Even though it seems subtle, urging someone to feel shame or embarrassment is more profound than people realize. According to a study from Emerald Insight, these negative emotions are so deeply felt that most people will go to great lengths to avoid them in social situations.
So, by criticizing someone else in their most vulnerable moments and encouraging them to feel embarrassed, they can take advantage of their insecurities, making them feel excluded and isolated from the group.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
