11 Painfully Clear Life Lessons People Forget Way Too Soon, According To Psychology
Don't let these important life lessons pass you by.
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock Everyone is constantly evolving, grappling with new issues, and crafting new experiences in their daily lives, which can make it hard to pause and take a second for mindfulness. They may learn a million new lessons, healthy habits, and pieces of advice, but when it comes to actually implementing them, they're lost and confused.
Many of the painfully clear life lessons people forget way too soon, according to psychology experts, revolve around being intentional and mindful in your life. If you take the time to connect with yourself and be present — even amid the chaos and stress of life — you'll not only remember these fundamental lessons, but be able to integrate them into your daily routines.
Here are 11 painfully clear life lessons people forget way too soon, according to psychology
1. The behavior you tolerate reminds people how to treat you
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Setting boundaries is the key to building trust, displaying affection, and looking out for yourself and others in any kind of relationship, professional or not. If you choose to let people get away with misbehavior and tolerate their toxicity, you're only reminding them and others of how they should treat you.
If you want to find and surround yourself with people that truly add value to your life and care about you, it's essential that you're intentional with boundaries. Remember to be clear and transparent about the behavior you will and will not tolerate.
2. Happiness isn't about constant gratification
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Research shows that becoming truly happy isn't just about maintaining a healthy routine and lifestyle — working out, eating well, and resting — it's also about having great relationships, both with yourself and others. Even if vices and other coping mechanisms give you instant gratification, that's not the way to build happiness.
Of course, many of the happiest people aren't living constantly comfortable and "joyful" lives either; instead, they choose to find happiness amid challenge, stress, and anxiety. It's more about setting yourself up for long-term success and stability than indulging every passing positive experience and thought.
3. You can't change people
Billion Photos | Shutterstock
According to psychologist Mahzarin Banaji, as we live our lives, experience new things, and age, it's not uncommon for our views, perspectives, and biases to shift and evolve. So, yes, it's possible for people to change, but it often comes from an internal place, rather than an outward pressure.
So, if you're staying in a toxic relationship with the hope that your partner will change as a result of your love, support, and pressure, chances are you're draining your energy. You can't change people — it's one of the painfully clear life lessons people forget way too soon, according to psychology experts. They have to decide they want to change and do the work themselves.
4. People are more worried about themselves than you
insta_photos | Shutterstock
It's easy, especially in today's digital age, to fall into the trap of external validation and trying to "fit in" with everyone else to avoid judgment, embarrassment, or isolation, but many people quickly forget that most people are more worried about themselves to look at or judge you.
In fact, according to a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, many people's fear of being judged doesn't revolve around outward judgment, but rather, their own insecurities and self-esteem. When people are more insecure about themselves and worried about making mistakes, they perceive other people as more judgmental.
5. Suppressed emotions don't go away
Ground Picture | Shutterstock
While it might provide some instant gratification to suppress uncomfortable and complex emotions, pushing them away, rather than acknowledging and dealing with them, that doesn't mean they're going to go away on their own.
According to a study from the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, emotional suppression not only impacts mental health, sabotaging positive emotions and anxiety, it also impacts the health of relationships, sparking resentment and disconnection between parties.
Of course, if you're adamant about practicing emotional regulation in your daily life, it's likely much easier to acknowledge this clear life lesson — you're not clouded by resentment or pent-up emotions.
So, don't let a fleeting sense of comfort and security sabotage you from dealing with unresolved trauma and your emotions. It not only helps you internally, but also everyone around you.
6. It's possible to be lonely around the wrong people
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
Of course, loneliness is often a side effect of social isolation and lacking social connection, especially in today's ultra-digital world. However, one of the painfully clear life lessons people forget way too soon, according to psychology, is that it's possible to grapple with loneliness when you're around other people, especially if they're draining you or toxic.
While it may simply be a reminder that you're tolerating poor behavior from a partner or drifting away from your friends, there are serious consequences to experiencing loneliness in the long-term that can have a negative effect on your physical and mental well-being.
Being intentional about setting boundaries, maintaining healthy relationships, and choosing to walk away when it's right for you is key. If you're feeling lonely and alone around a group of people, chances are they're not the right people for you to surround yourself with.
7. You're not your thoughts
fizkes | Shutterstock
While it's not necessarily scientific truth that "you are not your thoughts" — considering questions like "Who am I?" and "What's my purpose?" are still philosophical dilemmas — it can help to breed a bit less anxiety and chaos on a daily basis to adopt this mentality, according to experts from Psychology Today.
Mindfulness practices can be a great reminder that we're not entirely our thoughts and our thoughts alone. For example, if you meditate in silence for a few seconds and start to take notice of the thoughts that pop up, there's a sense of deeper consciousness beyond what we're simply thinking about.
When we relieve ourselves from the idea that every passing thought is a manifestation and our thoughts make up our entire identity, we soothe the anxiety and gloom that fogs our routines. Of course, being intentional about what thoughts you actually listen to and act on is a different story because, at the end of the day, our actions mean more in the grand scheme of things than our thoughts.
8. It's okay to drift apart from people
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
It's important to remind yourself that you're always growing, changing, and evolving, whether that means your identity, personal relationships, goals, priorities, or personal values. However, other people are also changing to the same extent over time, which is why it's more common than you think to drift apart from people you were once incredibly close with, like marriage and family counselor Laura Millman explains.
It's one of the painfully clear life lessons people forget way too soon, because they're always making new friends and connections and trying to heal from the heartbreak and pain of losing another. It never gets easier to lose someone, but when you come to terms with the beauty of investing time into new connections with people better suited to your lifestyle, it's much more bearable.
9. Rest is necessary
viDi Studio | Shutterstock
Even in our ultra-competitive world, always pressuring people to be available 100% of the time and consistently productive throughout the day, rest is necessary for personal and social health.
Especially for people with a lot of stress in their daily lives, from work, family responsibilities, or emotional turmoil, rest is the key to maintaining a solid mental baseline. Amid the chaos of a hard day or a deadline, it's easy to forget about the importance of rest, but at the end of the day it's necessary to prioritize.
10. Your relationship with yourself should be a top priority
Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock
The only person who you'll genuinely be forced to spend life with is yourself, so why not cultivate a positive internal mindset and trustworthy relationship? Regardless of what happens in your life — whether you lose someone, face financial uncertainty, or lose purpose — if you build a great relationship with yourself, you have the foundation to move forward.
Even if it seems uncomfortable to work on yourself, embrace solitude, and truly look out for your best interests, doing so will make all the difference in everything you do.
11. Nobody is coming to save you
Evgeny Atamanenko | Shutterstock
When you finally digest the fact that nobody is coming to save you in your life, building self-esteem, personal growth, and goals becomes a priority.
If you're insecure, having a partner isn't going to make you incredibly confident. If you're unhappy in your career, nobody is coming to force you to leave. Even when it comes to toxic relationships and tolerating behavior, you have to be the person to put your foot down.
Everyone is capable of change, but it has to start from within, usually through self-esteem growth that boosts happiness, well-being, and health.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
