11 Things That Make Emotionally Intelligent People Instantly Uncomfortable
The things that give emotionally intelligent people the ick.
Lesia Kapinosova | Shutterstock While emotionally intelligent people might be resilient, some things make them instantly uncomfortable. They might not outright say it at first, but certain behaviors cause them to second-guess someone. From how they talk about others to their inability to hold themselves accountable, there are some things they don't tolerate.
Now, will they outright say what made them uncomfortable or how they feel about a situation? No, emotionally intelligent people typically know when to pick their battles. However, when it boils down to it, they're quick to cut almost anyone off if they notice them engaging in any of these 11 uncomfortable things.
11 things that make emotionally intelligent people instantly uncomfortable:
1. Dishonesty
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The first thing that makes emotionally intelligent people instantly uncomfortable is if someone is dishonest. Now, don't get it twisted, people lie occasionally. According to a study in 2021, it's estimated that 7% of total communication involves lying, with 90% being white lies.
But despite this, there's always a time and place in which it's appropriate to lie to someone. For instance, lying about loving their job might be the wisest decision; however, lying about important things, such as how someone feels in their relationship, might end in disaster.
So, while emotionally intelligent people understand the need for balance, if they encounter someone who's consistently dishonest, best believe they'll be turning the other way. After all, someone who can't be honest about the important or little things should never be trusted.
2. Passive-aggressive behavior
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Whether an emotionally intelligent person is in the middle of work or at a family reunion, without fail, there's almost always that one passive-aggressive person who throws shady comments or does shady things, such as shoulder bumping them. And while they might keep their composure, deep down inside, passive-aggressive comments or behavior make emotionally intelligent people instantly uncomfortable.
They might do their best to ignore it, but if there's one way to throw an emotionally intelligent person off their game, it's putting them in the same room as someone who doesn't know how to keep their cool. From their snarky remarks to eye rolls, emotionally intelligent people hate passive-aggressive people because it shows how unevolved they are.
According to Signe Whitson, L.S.W., C-SSWS, because they are unable to express how they feel simply, they resort to other methods to get their point across. Many emotionally intelligent people try to avoid others' negativity and pretense.
3. Dismissive comments
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People might've been taught that an air of mystery is required to be seen as cool or desirable. However, being reserved is the quickest way to make an emotionally intelligent person run the other way. As most people know, dismissive people can come off as cold and downright rude.
From their stony face to their noncaring attitude, it's easy for almost anyone to feel uneasy. Yet, emotionally intelligent people's unease often stems from dismissive people's inability to connect with others. Marriage and family therapist Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., MFT, said, "People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style may appear aloof, resist commitment, and not be attuned to their deeper feelings."
So, while dismissive people might not feel as if their actions are harmful, in the eyes of a connected and emotionally intelligent person, their lack of reaction to other people's experiences is unsettling, to say the least. This is probably why most emotionally intelligent people refuse to surround themselves with dismissive people, it quite literally goes against their nature.
4. One-sided conversations
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There's no worse feeling than talking to someone only to feel invisible to them. Every sentence an emotionally intelligent person says is often met with silence or a complete head turn as the other person effectively ignores them. This is probably why one-sided conversations make emotionally intelligent people instantly uncomfortable.
It is never okay to ignore someone without a proper reason. If someone goes out of their way to say 'hi' or 'good morning,' it's only polite to respond. Yet, not everyone is well-versed in polite social skills. Blame it on COVID-19 or a change in generations, but nowadays, it seems all too common to encounter disrespectful people.
According to the Harvard Making Caring Common project, 21% of US adults feel lonely and disconnected from loved ones. As a result of their disconnection, their social skills have plummeted. Regardless, one thing is for certain: emotionally intelligent people don't tolerate this type of disrespectful behavior, as it is one of the quickest ways to make them uncomfortable.
5. Fake positivity
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Listen, sometimes in life, people need to fake it until they make it. If they're having a bad day at work or school, they can't just take it out on some poor innocent bystander just for fun. As much as it sucks, people need to put on a smile, even if it is annoying.
However, this doesn't stop emotionally intelligent people from feeling uncomfortable. One thing that instantly makes them uncomfortable is fake positivity. Sure, the people around them might have to fake it, but this doesn't make it any easier for emotionally intelligent people.
Most of the time, emotionally intelligent people stay true to who they are. People might not agree with them, but they find that being authentic is the greatest way to stay connected with themselves and, most importantly, to feel authentically happy. One study published in 2014 found that being authentic leads to higher life satisfaction. So, while it might not always be easy to be positive, emotionally intelligent people don't care. In their eyes, they'd rather be genuinely happy than uncomfortably put on a smile to make their boss feel comfortable.
6. Lack of accountability
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One thing that instantly makes emotionally intelligent people uncomfortable is a lack of accountability. Understandably, taking accountability is far from easy. As much as people on social media might rave about how freeing it is, there's a true need to humble oneself if one wants to take accountability.
Unfortunately, humbling oneself isn't as easy as most people don't want to damage their ego. Yet, despite this, most people will bite the bullet if it means repairing things with those closest to them. Not only do they not want to risk the friendship, but let's be honest: there's a power in taking accountability. Licensed counselor Jamie Cannon, MS, LPC, said, "There is immense strength in stepping out on a limb to permit vulnerability. Admitting to imperfection is the first step in opening horizons and learning new ways of restoration."
However, for those who refuse to? This is a major red flag. Call them insecure or call them narcissistic, either way, it isn't normal to destroy a relationship in favor of keeping their ego intact. If someone truly values people and their experiences, then in no world is refusing to apologize acceptable. So, if someone does refuse despite how in the wrong they are, do what emotionally intelligent people do and run the other way — these people are a glaring red flag.
7. Conflict avoidance
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In any relationship, whether friendship or partnership, there will almost always be unavoidable conflict. Maybe a friend said something downright mean, or worse, maybe a partner lied about something serious. During moments like these, it's all too easy to want to run away from the problem, as confronting conflict is far from easy.
However, as most emotionally intelligent people know, running away is never the answer. Psychologist Bruce Wilson, Ph.D., explained, "Avoiding the discussion only magnifies the fear and anxiety because the problems are still there and unresolved." That being said, a thing that makes emotionally intelligent people instantly uncomfortable is people who avoid conflict.
Most emotionally intelligent people aren't afraid to tell it how it is. Prefering to be honest rather than hide their emotions, they aren't afraid to sit down and have a one-on-one conversation with their friends, family members, or lovers. But it's only when these same people refuse to converse back that emotionally intelligent people begin to grow uncomfortable. After all, they're cutting off any vulnerability or emotional connection, making resolving the issue at hand much harder.
8. Stonewalling or the silent treatment
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It should go without saying that adults should be mature enough to talk things through. However, many people struggle to as they'd much prefer to be silent than reflect, think about, or utter what's on their mind. Call them immature, but being vulnerable isn't easy.
Putting their thoughts out there and possibly facing rejection or judgment is terrifying for most people. But according to licensed psychologist Michele Leno, Ph.D., stonewalling is so much more than. They continued, "It stems from past trauma or the fear of escalating a situation they can't control. Others use it to protect themselves from feeling overwhelmed or attacked."
This is probably why a thing that makes emotionally intelligent people instantly uncomfortable is when someone stonewalls or is silent. While there's an immature and unhealed aspect to stonewalling, emotionally intelligent people also understand that it's typically much deeper than that, causing them to grow a bit uncomfortable as stonewalling only makes things worse.
9. Someone's constant need for reassurance
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Everyone needs a little reassurance at times. When they've hit the lowest point in their lives, it's normal to seek support from trusted friends and family members. That being said, there's a difference between needing reassurance sometimes and needing it every single day.
Most people who can't help but seek constant reassurance don't know how to operate from a point of independence. Not only does this lead to unhealthy habits, but it also can lead to dangerous power imbalances, as needing to depend on others can easily translate to depending on others, no matter what they do.
This is probably why a thing that makes emotionally intelligent people instantly uncomfortable is people who have a constant need for reassurance. Call them cruel, but in no world is always needing reassurance healthy. For people who are evolved and emotionally intelligent, they understand this, which is why they distance themselves from these types of people. After all, being in a toxic friendship or relationship isn't exactly on their bingo card.
10. Responding without listening
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Emotionally intelligent people are known for their great ability to connect with others. From their listening skills to their reaffirming actions, when someone pours their heart out to an emotionally intelligent person, they are all in, no matter what. However, not everyone is as evolved as an emotionally intelligent person.
As a result, emotionally intelligent people are instantly uncomfortable if someone responds without fully listening to them. Most people want to be heard. Since human beings are naturally meant to be social and crave connection, it's only natural that those who are evolved desire these things.
However, if someone simply nods without saying anything or refuses to make eye contact, this can quickly cause an emotionally intelligent person to feel out of place. Even worse, if that same person responds and completely misses the point, it's uncomfortable. So, don't be that person who doesn't listen well. Not only is it rude, but it's straight up uncomfortable for an emotionally intelligent person.
11. Negativity
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Finally, the last thing that instantly makes emotionally intelligent people uncomfortable is people who see the negative side of things. Now, being realistic is important. As much as people would love to, it's not great to live with rose-colored glasses. That being said, always viewing things negatively can be exhausting.
From complaining to bringing down the mood with unnecessary commentary, nobody wants to be near someone who can't be positive for five seconds. However, for emotionally intelligent people, this hits harder as people who refuse to see the positive in life tend to drain them more than the average person.
Maybe it's because they're great at picking up on emotions, but emotionally intelligent people are susceptible to negative energy, so they'd prefer to turn the other way.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
