11 Tiny Things That Reveal Deep Love Before Words Ever Do, According To Psychology
There are many signs you can look for in a relationship that signify love before it's ever spoken of out loud.
AYO Production | Shutterstock Falling in love is a special thing that many people dream of. We often equate being in love with someone with telling them as much. However, there are tiny things that reveal deep love before words ever do, according to psychology, most of which can be attributed to the very real changes that happen in your body when you're falling in love.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jacquelyn Johnson, "Being in love looks different for everyone, but you can count on experiencing bliss, stability and a lasting connection. The early euphoric feelings result from increases in dopamine and norepinephrine. You'll develop a deeper connection once oxytocin levels increase as it leads to attachment." As these chemicals make changes in your body, there are some indicators you're sure to notice that reveal deep love.
Here are 11 tiny things that reveal deep love before words ever do, according to psychology
1. You want to be together all the time
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When you're deeply in love with someone, you'll likely find yourself wanting to be with that person all the time. Any time spent without them will feel wasted. They are the main object of your attention, and you have a desire to be with them as much as humanly possible, or maybe more. All of this can come well before "I love you" is ever said.
Therapist Janet Brito, PhD noted that wanting to be with someone all the time is a sign of being in love with them. "Typically, being in love with someone means you want to spend as much time with them as possible," she said. "Even if you're busy, you probably find yourself arranging your schedule to see your partner."
Wanting to always be together is one of the many tiny things that reveal deep love before words ever do in your relationship. You'd never want to be around someone who you didn't have deep feelings for, and you'd never go to such lengths to make physically being together work if you didn't care.
If you want to be together, you're in love with that person, even if you've never said so out loud.
2. You lose interest in things that aren't related to them
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When you find yourself losing interest in anything unrelated to your special person, whether it's good or bad, you'll distance yourself from your friends and other hobbies. That one person will become the center of your world and hold all of your attention.
Brito continued to describe this phenomenon as well, stating, "This might also involve a desire to get to know about them by exploring their interests. When love is mutual, they'll probably feel the same way about you and want to spend just as much time getting to know your interests. This is all pretty normal. It's also common, however, for people in love to briefly 'forget' about their friends."
While it may not necessarily be helpful to lose sight of your own friends and interests in the long run, doing so short-term is a sign that your mind is stuck on someone else. You've made that other person your main priority, and everything else takes a backseat. You're focused on what you care about most, which is obviously that person.
3. You find yourself making plans for the future
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If you can picture a future with your partner, even though you haven't verbally expressed love, this is one of the tiny things that reveal deep love before words ever do. Anyone can insert someone else into a daydream and picture them being there. But if you're actively making plans with that person involved, it means that there's some deep love there. It shows that you really care and picture them being there for all the highs and lows.
Relationship expert Barton Goldsmith, PhD pointed out that looking towards the future when you're in a relationship is healthy and bond-strengthening. "One thing that successful relationships all have in common is that the couples in them make plans for the future, both near and long-term," he noted.
"Making plans builds a bond and a stronger sense of security in our hearts. We all have dreams and desires that we want to share with the people we love, but if you don't talk about them and create a way to make them happen, you will just live life in your head."
Planning a future with someone is a sure sign that you love them. If you're doing so before you even tell them that you love them, you really do care about them and want them to be there for you. Your subconscious may be aware of things that you haven't even admitted to yourself yet.
4. You're more vulnerable around them
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Being vulnerable is no easy feat, even when you're close with someone. If you're willing to be vulnerable and open with another person, there's a good chance that they are pretty special. If being vulnerable with someone feels natural and right, you're probably in love with them, even if you haven't thought about it that way.
Marriage and family therapist Shari Foos pointed out, "If you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable, your partner can't be expected to understand what you need and want from them. They will undoubtedly respond in unsatisfactory ways. And then, because you don't feel supported, you can resent them and blame them rather than owning your feelings. And then, before you begin to be vulnerable, you've got a knot to unwind."
As Foos said, being vulnerable is a two-way street. It's important to show vulnerability in a relationship so your partner understands you and knows where you're coming from. The more willing you are to show this vulnerability, the more likely you are to be in love and to care deeply about that person.
5. You're willing to overlook their flaws
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Overlooking the flaws of someone you love is pretty common, whether the relationship is romantic or platonic. It's just natural to focus on someone's good qualities. The quicker you are to do this and the easier it is to do, is a testament to how strong your love is.
Researcher and psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD explained that while some people may think overlooking flaws isn't healthy, it can actually strengthen relationships in some cases.
"Being able to gloss over some of your partner's imperfections as you focus on deeper issues relating to shared identity and mutuality may be what your relationship needs to move from languishing into flourishing as you navigate the years and decades ahead," she said.
If you can look past someone's flaws and imperfections, there's a good chance that you love them. Doing so signifies that the person is more important to you than societal arbiters of what is right and wrong. They come first, always.
6. You have a hard time concentrating on anything other than them
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Another of the tiny things that reveal deep love before words ever do is when they're quite literally all you can think about. Keeping your mind focused on anything else feels burdensome and difficult. And, honestly, you can't think of a reason why you would want to think about anything else anyway.
Psychology educator Kendra Cherry shared that it's natural to always have your mind on someone when you're attracted to them. "There are times when people might take precedence in your mind, particularly at the outset of a new romance," she revealed.
"Sometimes this feeling can be a positive, albeit heady, experience that gradually fades as the initial infatuation, heightened excitement, emotion and passion gradually temper into a steadier state of love."
If you really love someone, they're probably going to be on your mind 24/7, especially if you're in the early stages of a relationship. They are not only all you'll think about, but all you'll want to think about. Telling someone you love them is not a prerequisite to having them on your mind all the time.
7. You feel like you can be yourself with them
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It can be hard to open up and be your authentic self, especially if doing so doesn't come naturally to you. But for the right person, you'll find yourself doing just that. You won't be afraid to be yourself. Instead, it will just happen because the love is there. There is no greater gift that someone can give you than the ability to simply be yourself, and the person you love will do that for you.
Psychology professor Glenn Geher, PhD shared that not feeling like you're able to be yourself is actually a sign that you're going to feel incredibly stressed, which isn't healthy for any relationship.
"And if you are with someone whose attitude toward important aspects of your authentic self ends up bringing out your stressed self, in short, you're just not going to be happy," he said. "People do best when they are unstressed and are comfortable expressing their authentic selves."
Being with someone who makes you feel comfortable enough to be who you truly are means that you don't have to revert to that stressed version of yourself. You can just be you, and trust that that's enough. You never have to worry about being too much for that person you love because they've shown that there's no way you could possibly do that.
8. You do things you wouldn't normally do to help them
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Whether it's something small like doing the dishes, or something bigger like going to a social event, doing things you don't necessarily want to do just to benefit your person is one of the tiny things that reveal deep love before words ever do.
You are at a place in your life where they are the most important thing to you, so you're naturally going to want to do whatever you can to make life easier and better for them. This means stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things you normally wouldn't.
Brito noted that this is common when you first realize you are in love with someone, or perhaps before you really realize it, but your subconscious knows. "In the first rush of being in love, you might feel completely dedicated to your partner, ready to do anything and everything to help them through a tough spot or even just make their lives a little easier," she explained.
Honestly, you probably wouldn't do something you don't want to do or don't feel totally comfortable doing for just anyone. A willingness to do so is a sign of deep love that you may not have even identified yet. Loving someone is all about compromise, and you're ready and willing to do so for the right person.
9. You buy things for them
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Everyone loves a good gift, and most of us love finding and giving a gift just as much as receiving one. If you feel like you want to shower someone with gifts, there's a good chance that you're in love with them, whether you realize it or not. When you care about someone and want them to be happy, you may purchase things for them, hoping to make them smile or spoil them.
As psychotherapist F. Diane Barth said, gift giving is actually considered to be a love language. However, it isn't perfect because people view giving and receiving gifts in very different ways. In spite of this, it's still a sign that you care about someone. "A gift is an attempt to capture a feeling," she said, "and like all expressions of feelings, it doesn't always work."
Whether or not your gift lands the way you want it to may not be your primary concern when you're in the early stages of love and just want to show someone how much they mean to you.
And if you're buying a lot of things, there's a chance you won't be overly concerned with your partner's opinion on each and every single one. What really matters is that you're making such a huge effort to make them happy and show them you care.
10. You talk about them to the people you love
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Just like you can't get your mind off of someone you love, chances are you can't stop talking about them either. You have to be careful when this is the case, because not all of the people in your life will be understanding of this desire and be willing to listen to you wax poetic for an endless amount of time. But knowing this really won't deter you. Instead, you'll just keep on talking about the person you're in love with and be oblivious to how anyone else may feel.
Cherry listed some of the reasons you may not be able to get someone off your mind as "you are attracted to that individual," "you feel a connection with them" and "you are fascinated by what they say, think or do." All of these are sure signs of love, even if you haven't said as much to that person yet.
Thinking and talking about someone constantly shows that you really care about them. After all, they're always top of mind for you. You could talk someone's ear off going over all of the admirable qualities of your partner, and you wouldn't mind doing so. It's just part of the love that you feel.
11. You're always showing your gratitude for them
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If you have deep love for someone, you likely feel very grateful for them. This makes you want to put all of your focus and attention on them. You want to express your gratitude in any way possible, whether that's by giving them something to show your appreciation, or by telling them how much you care. Your level of attentiveness reaches new heights as you express your deep sense of gratitude for this other person in your life.
According to psychology expert Arash Emamzadeh, showing this gratitude you feel can not only benefit your relationship, but also help you personally. "Research supports the benefits of gratitude — both relationship-related benefits (e.g., improved relationships) and health benefits (e.g., better sleep, reduced depression, healthy eating)," he shared.
Feeling grateful for someone is a good thing. It shows that they have made a positive impact on your life and that you think highly of them. The next step is showing that gratitude, which can be healthy for you and your relationship. While you probably feel grateful for a lot of people, chances are you don't necessarily feel super grateful for everyone, just those who are closest to you, like the one you love.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
