The Art Of Dating: 6 Simple Habits Of People Who Keep It Fun Without Lowering Their Standards
Dating doesn't have to feel like such a drag.
Dean Drobot | Canva When I was dating, each man I met seemed to have wonderful qualities. But after a few dates or even a few weeks, something would often emerge that changed my mind. The spontaneous guy really had a problem with commitment, and the guy who had a really steady job was really a workaholic. It was always such a disappointment.
The longer I was single, the more I started to ask the question of — How could I ever know who someone was right away? — while still keeping the art of dating fun! I figured out that by following a few simple rules, I could get to know a guy before giving my heart away. So if you're looking for a few tried-and-true dating tips that actually work (while having fun at the same time), I sincerely recommend you give these tips some thought.
Here are 6 simple habits of people who keep it fun without lowering their standards:
1. On a first date, they meet up in public
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On your first date (especially if you've never met them before), meet somewhere neutral and in public. This is mostly for safety. Make sure you have a plan to keep the date short. Arrange to have a friend call your cell phone half an hour after the date begins to check on you and give you the "emergency call out" if things are already uncomfortable.
Sometimes, the first impression tells you all you need to determine if there is a connection. Meeting for coffee in a casual cafe works best.
2. They listen to their intuition
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Make sure you listen to your gut. What is your first impression? Is he/she being honest? Does he/she seem authentic? You want to go into the date from the viewpoint of analyzing the situation with a critical eye. Physical chemistry isn't everything, and besides, the novelty will always wear off over time. It's just one of the important ingredients to a successful relationship.
When you rely on your instincts to spot serious warning signs and recognize positive indicators, you can stay present and engage authentically with the person in front of you. One study on online dating suggested that this transforms dating from a calculated checklist into something that feels natural and fun.
3. They don't ignore the warning signs, even small ones
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So, assuming that you're attracted to your date, you still need to remain objective enough to get to know who this person is beyond their physical appearance. Dating is meant to be fun and entertaining, but odds are, you're also looking for a commitment.
You should learn over time if the person you're with has what you need to be happy. Even if you're still unclear on this after going out on five or six dates with this person, that's okay. This decision evolves over time.
The longer you're with someone, the more you know about them. Watch for warning signs and keep these in the back of your mind so you can see how they play out in your relationship over time. And if your date can't get past a few dates without being impolite or inappropriate, it's time to sever the cord and move on.
4. They spend three to six months getting to know their date
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The purpose of dating is to find out as much as you can about the other person as quickly as possible to see if he/she is a true match. It's a numbers game, so you want to date as many people as you can until you find the right one.
In my experience, it takes three to six months of dating (with a date at least once per week) to determine if someone is right for you. Resist the urge to decide that this person is the perfect match for you, because you can only really get to know someone over time. You need to be clear and honest with yourself. So, no matter how intensely you feel, remind yourself: "I am just getting to know this person enough so I can find out if I want to take it further."
Research has shown that this measured approach to dating helps counteract the overwhelming rush of new relationship excitement, which can cloud your judgment and push you toward commitments you're not ready for or that aren't right for you. If they try to rush you forward, consider it a warning sign. Someone who's genuinely good for you will honor your timeline and your desire to develop a real connection.
5. They talk to someone with an objective perspective
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Whether it's a friend, a family member, or a therapist, it helps to share your dating experiences with someone else to get an outsider's perspective. Sometimes, these people have a better insight into our motivations than we do ourselves.
Are you tired of being alone and simply willing to settle for anyone? Maybe your biological clock is ticking, and your desire to have kids is outweighing your decision to meet and commit to someone who would truly make you happy.
A therapist can help you stay objective, avoid making cloudy decisions, and point out your blind spots. Having an objective ear can really make a great difference between making smart decisions versus impulsive ones.
A close friend or advisor can help you distinguish between essential requirements and surface-level preferences that matter less. Studies indicate that maintaining high standards for what truly matters in a relationship is beneficial, but being excessively picky about trivial or superficial traits can work against you.
6. They know their pitfalls
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We all have relationship patterns that follow us throughout our lives. Since they began in childhood, they can be largely invisible. One tip that has made all the difference in my life and in the lives of the women I care about is to be super mindful of intimacy. My rule is this: wait to be intimate until you can handle how the guy behaves the day after.
If you would be devastated if he didn't call you, then it's too soon; but if you're fine, independent of his behavior, then you're safe to be in the bedroom together. Know yourself. If you get overly attached after you are intimate, it's smart to wait.
Dating is about getting to know new people, then breaking up and repeating this process until you meet your true match. Try not to spend too much time with the wrong person. The more time you spend with the wrong person, the more attached you'll get and the more hurt you'll be when the relationship ends. You want to find your soulmate with minimal heartache. This means keeping the wrong relationships as short as possible so you can get to the one you're meant to be with for life!
Mindy Fox is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 30 years of experience helping adults heal from trauma, codependency, and narcissistic abuse. Her approach integrates EMDR, neurofeedback, and compassionate therapy.
