11 Phrases A Woman Often Says To A Person She Secretly Hates
They say that if you can't be nice it's better to say nothing, but sometimes, you have to think of something.
HBRH / Shutterstock If you want to make it in this life, you’ve most likely been reminded to fake it till you make it at some point. Faking it may entail having to interact with people we aren’t necessarily fans of in ways that hide our true opinions about them and their behaviors. Women are especially likely to have to do this, and because they are expected to be kind and respectful no matter how they feel, many have mastered the art of cloaking the way they really feel. In fact, there are phrases women often say to people they secretly hate that may even be disguised as genuine compliments.
When someone dislikes another person, their words carry subtle tones of indifference, sarcasm, or thinly veiled contempt. Their speech becomes layered with the appearance of kindness that is actually a cover for hidden frustration and subtle shade.
Here are 11 phrases a woman often says to a person she secretly hates
1. ‘Wow, you’re so confident.’
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Translation: “You’re too much.”
A woman who often says this phrase to a person she secretly hates is using it as a way to avoid direct confrontation. By making a passive-aggressive statement about someone’s confidence, she can subtly express her disapproval in a way that can be disguised as genuine pride.
“Instead of getting visibly angry, some people express their hostility in passive-aggressive ways designed to hurt and confuse their target,” Psychology Today notes.
Even if the woman delivering this phrase may not seem to want to inflict harm, this phrase can be used to make others feel insecure about their confidence.
2. ‘Must be nice…’
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This phrase often conveys a classic hint of jealousy or bitterness. Let’s say a woman’s wealthy bestie (who she secretly hates) tells her she’s going on yet another expensive and lavish vacation. The woman might say, “Must be nice…,” as a way to disguise her resentment.
Even if it may sound polite on the surface, the hidden meaning often implies, “I’m annoyed that you have this and I don’t, even if you worked for it.”
If it is delivered with a sarcastic or bitter tone, it is a giveaway for a woman’s true opinion.
3. ‘Good for you.’
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Translation: “I actually don’t care."
Even if this outwardly appears to be a positive affirmation, this phrase can be used to subtly undermine the accomplishments of the person a woman secretly hates, and dismiss them without expressing her negativity directly.
Let’s say the person a woman secretly hates tells her that she just scored tickets for a concert she has been dying to go to. The woman may say, “Good for you!” with a hint of resentment and sarcasm so she can avoid revealing her true feelings. This is a form of passive-aggression at its finest.
“Passive-aggressiveness may occur when a person is unwilling or unable to communicate directly and assertively, possibly with an individual perceived to have greater power,” communication expert Preston Ni shared.
The person with the concert ticket has higher power in the woman’s eyes, and she may hate them for it.
4. ‘I could never pull that off.’
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“...and you shouldn't either” is what the woman is really trying to tell the person she secretly hates. Let’s say they waltz in the room wearing a bold outfit the woman finds repulsive. Instead of having to say, “Wow, you look great!” she shifts the focus to how unusual and questionable their fashion choice is.
This statement implies that it is not a choice most people would (or should) even consider wearing. While it can initially sound like praise, it gives off the most clever shade.
5. ‘You haven’t changed a bit!’
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‘...and I’m not sure if I like it!’ is what a woman is trying to say, especially if it is to someone she secretly hates. If her tone is cold, it subtly conveys a woman’s indirect criticism of the person’s character. If they haven’t improved or changed positively, the phrase makes a veiled judgement about their lack of growth.
This phrase also gives the woman a way to avoid directly expressing her distaste if she doesn’t necessarily feel like explaining why the person’s choices and personality bother her so much.
6. ‘You always make interesting choices.’
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The word “interesting” is often used as a default for “unfavorable" and “hideous.” If a woman finds the person she secretly hates choices distasteful, she will fall back on the word “interesting” to disguise her true feelings.
It can be easy to use this word, since the meaning can shift depending on the context. A study published in Frontiers in Behavioral Economics found that something might be considered interesting in an historical context but not in a scientific one.
Interesting is subjective, relying on a person’s own perception and interest. Therefore, it is nearly impossible for people to be skeptical or offended by the use of it, no matter what the context.
7. ‘Bless your heart!’
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While this phrase comes off as positive and endearing, it doesn’t always imply kindness. In the Southern, many people use, “Bless your heart” as a veiled insult that can mean condescension, disapproval, or a subtle way of saying that someone is naive and foolish.
For example, when a person who a woman hates tries to cook a meal, she may say something like, “Bless your heart! You tried to cook again!” However, she is only trying to sugarcoat her insult. What she really intends to say is, “You failed miserably again but I’m going to try and be nice about it.”
8. ‘I’m just trying to help.’
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When a woman says something extremely insulting to a person she hates and immediately follows it with, “I’m just trying to help,” this is a way to disguise her bitterness with a false appearance of genuine helpfulness. It is a defensive excuse for delivering criticism, control, or judgment in a way that’s not actually helpful.
For example, a woman might say, “That outfit looks dreadful on you,” to someone she secretly hates, and then quickly cover up her judgment with, “I’m just trying to help you!”
What she is actually doing is masking her condescension as kindness. To her, it’s not actually providing the person with genuine help. It’s about asserting superiority.
9. ‘I didn’t expect to see you here.’
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Translation: “I really didn’t want to see you here.”
Even if she says it with a tight smile, a woman really never wants to run into the person she secretly hates anywhere, even in a place where they have the right to belong just as much as she does.
Rather than just saying, “Hello, good to see you!” she puts the person on the spot, highlighting their presence like it’s unexpected or unusual. This just makes them, and frankly, everyone in the room, uncomfortable.
10. ‘That’s one way of doing it.’
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Translation: “It’s my way or no way.”
This phrase can be considered a backhanded remark that sounds neutral, but carries a strong undercurrent of criticism and judgement. When a woman says this phrase to someone she secretly hates, she is subtly implying her disapproval. She is suggesting, “That’s not how I would do it. I would do it the right way,” without having to directly say it.
This phrase is a polite way of telling someone, “Your way of doing things is odd, inefficient and wrong.”
11. 'I'm so happy for you. Really.'
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The “really” in this phrase is what drives the point home. It can be hard for a woman to ever be genuinely happy for someone she despises. However, if she is trying to keep the mood light, she will gladly fake it.
Instead of reacting with true warmth and excitement, she may resort to a more scripted response, especially if the person she is delivering the phrase to have a history or competitiveness or tension with her.
If you’re truly happy for someone, you don’t usually need to insist that you really are.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
