The Secret Power Of Friendship: 9 Ways Your Friends Shape You More Than You Realize

Friends are our unsung heroes. Soulmates and romantic partners get all the attention, and the fawning and the celebrating. But in many ways, it's our friends who rock.

This isn't just my opinion. A whole stack of studies by social scientists have demonstrated all sorts of ways that our friends seem to make us better people: more upbeat, more resilient, more helpful, and more successful. Here are nine examples.

Here are 9 ways your friends shape you more than you realize:

1. You're happier because of your friends

woman whose friends shape her more than she realizes as she is happier Josep Suria / Shutterstock

In a study by a Nobel Prize-winning social scientist, more than 900 adults described the people they were with the day before, and how they felt when they were with them. Participants were most likely to feel happy and least likely to experience negative emotions when they were with their friends.

The time they spent with their spouse or romantic partner, their children, other relatives, clients or customers, co-workers, or their boss was just not as enjoyable as the time they spent with their friends.

2. You'll have more success in life from close friendships in your past

woman whose friends shape her more than she realizes as she has more success in her life Zamrznuti tonovi / Shutterstock

Want to know whether you're going to be successful at work by the time you're 30? What matters is whether you were good at friendship when you were 20. If you had a close, confiding friendship around the age of 20, you're more likely to be a success at work 10 years later.

What if you had a good and lasting romantic relationship when you were 20? Doesn't matter. That has nothing to do with how well you will do at work when you are 30.

3. You're less anxious when you have your friends to count on

woman who is less anxious because she has her friends to lean on as her friends shape her more than she realizes DavideAngelini / Shutterstock

Are you anxious in certain social situations? Call on your friends. You will feel less nervous in those difficult situations if your friend is right there next to you. You will also have fewer of those negative thoughts running through your head.

4. You can tackle physical challenges easily

friends who shape person more than he realizes as he can tackle physical challenges easily Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock

Are you facing a physical challenge, such as climbing a steep hill? Do it with a friend. When you're standing there looking at that hill with your friend by your side, it will actually look less steep to you than when you're standing there alone.

5. You won't be nervous about male competitors

women who aren't nervous around male competitors because they're friends shape them more than they realize YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV / Shutterstock

Guys, do you want to feel less intimidated by other men you see as potential competitors? You, too, should spend time with your friends. If you're with one of your male friends, other men will seem smaller and weaker than when you're alone.

6. Your friends bring out your inner-modesty

woman whose friends shape her more than she realizes as they bring out her inner modesty PintoArt / Shutterstock

Do you like yourself better when you're modest than when you're telling other people how great you are? Friends bring out the best in us in that way, too. We're more modest with our friends and more likely to be full of ourselves when we're with people we hardly know.

7. You're more helpful

woman who has become more helpful because the way her friends shape her Dragana Gordic / Shutterstock

Do you wish you were more helpful to other people? For that, you don't even need to be with a friend. If you're just thinking about a good friend, you're more likely to help a stranger than if you're thinking about someone who isn't that important to you, such as a coworker who isn't also a friend.

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8. You enjoy that sense of seeing the world the same way

woman who sees the world the same as her friend as it's the way they shape each other Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock

That happens with our friends. For example, pairs of female friends read other people more similarly than pairs of strangers do. Even without consulting with each other, two women who are friends will interpret another person's facial expressions in much the same way.

9. You can read people and detect lies

woman whose friends shape her more than she realizes as she can read people GaudiLab / Shutterstock

Do you want to know how other people really are feeling, even when they aren't forthcoming? As the two of you become closer, you get better at detecting each other's lies.

Bella DePaulo, PhD., is the author of Singled Out and has written the “Living Single” blog for Psychology Today since 2008; and has been published by the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time magazine, The Atlantic, and many other outlets.